tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-253058162024-03-07T13:13:25.015-05:00Crazy Everyday BlessingsKari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.comBlogger464125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-21625677461597288922017-12-31T15:42:00.000-05:002017-12-31T15:42:01.683-05:00Christmas Letter 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmatadawp8T2Ft-Qyu2Q6tUIshWA6XZC2cF98Tde20vVbjC-nQ5jzcZ40gKyTD-jzrOQMQsgpZGyUj6Y-ub12OivPh30hTSS8xEJzJk_KeekYdj3_Vvx8dQLo2LgKzFKxgCrGd4A/s1600/IMG_20171231_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1115" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmatadawp8T2Ft-Qyu2Q6tUIshWA6XZC2cF98Tde20vVbjC-nQ5jzcZ40gKyTD-jzrOQMQsgpZGyUj6Y-ub12OivPh30hTSS8xEJzJk_KeekYdj3_Vvx8dQLo2LgKzFKxgCrGd4A/s640/IMG_20171231_0001.jpg" width="446" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Finally
making time to<span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"> </span>write
my letter… hope you enjoy reading…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLM-h7ncdXJJIGREHrB1jWHrawk3rvjWmRRNTFiG7jDgWg-mNtxG0-oS0YdqbFEX2ZtzfPsY5i22SnnDR2NmLMUWiHupSyxaT0ytmiSxTlH5VlXYmekmFDWDx_nYByk0daXy-VQ/s1600/26113803_10214922798526089_3470355537665867236_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLM-h7ncdXJJIGREHrB1jWHrawk3rvjWmRRNTFiG7jDgWg-mNtxG0-oS0YdqbFEX2ZtzfPsY5i22SnnDR2NmLMUWiHupSyxaT0ytmiSxTlH5VlXYmekmFDWDx_nYByk0daXy-VQ/s400/26113803_10214922798526089_3470355537665867236_n.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sebastian is a teenager with growing taller and
changing voice and all that Peter Brady stuff. He is busy with co-op classes,
robotics club, and karate (he tests for black belt next month!) One of my
favorite memories with him this year is going to see two shows on Broadway. I
took Savy to Wicked awhile back and ever since then – he memorized the Wicked
soundtrack and loved it. I was a bit skeptical on how much he would enjoy a
play. Getting to share in his excitement as he watched the productions<span style="color: white; mso-themecolor: background1;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-themecolor: background1;">-</span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">was
like opening a long, anticipated gift! You know how you hold your breath just a
little and you feel that warm, fuzzy feeling from your head to your toes…
that’s what I felt. When people have asked him what he liked about NYC – he
will say – the Broadway shows. I am excited to go to more shows and share this
with him. My favorite daily, life thing about him this year is that he comes in
most nights, carrying his laptop, and climbs into my bed to watch Netflix with
me. We made our way through all of the Gilmore Girls and a few other sappy
shows. I know that very soon he won’t want to chill watching my chick shows
with me. Silly, simple, but just perfect. He’s my last baby and I think I’m going
to hold onto him a little bit closer than the other two. It’s a little piece of
the good stuff and I’m going to enjoy it as long as I can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjgOnjUv-JFOFi8flNLeQPhMQ5Vf8q0Yud4fqoadvxEMkLnQPRcpPH-WFDeYejXKRqMF0TdTFd630AYvR3RNEInNIhU52Cunmz0VidS20BvioUVGRqPHiKe_TlYC5aZKtb95rcQ/s1600/26167593_10214922798486088_7621130487891018279_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkjgOnjUv-JFOFi8flNLeQPhMQ5Vf8q0Yud4fqoadvxEMkLnQPRcpPH-WFDeYejXKRqMF0TdTFd630AYvR3RNEInNIhU52Cunmz0VidS20BvioUVGRqPHiKe_TlYC5aZKtb95rcQ/s400/26167593_10214922798486088_7621130487891018279_n.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Savy is in her last year of her teens,
graduated high school, and started college full time. The plan is to complete
the Occupational Therapy Assistant degree. She can apply to that program next
fall. My favorite memory with her this year was breaking into a dog park in
NYC! The complete joy that gave her will last with me forever! Who would think
that in a city filled with so much magic – this would be it, but it was
perfect. Well, the dog park and the amazing chocolate cake at some hole in the
wall NYC diner – those are priceless memories with my girl. My very favorite
thing about her this year is seeing her confidence in herself grow! She sometimes
misses how gifted and talented she really is. Little by little, she is starting
to realize that she is capable of many great things. She is seeing that she
doesn’t just have to settle for whatever life hands her and that is a really priceless
to witness as it unfolds. I am happy to say that the struggles we endured last
year have fallen away and the little girl I so very much wanted to grow into my
friend, has done just that. Another very favorite thing with my sweet girl is
texting! I just love our silly texts to each other. It’s like a running dialog
all day long. Sometimes I gotta tell her, “Get outta my head, freak!” because
she tells me exactly what I was already thinking! Love grown up kids!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Tim II aka Timmy – I miss him. It does get
easier and then it doesn’t. I just miss him terribly. When he was about
Sebastian’s age, he asked me if he could make his email address DEMON TIM. I
was like, uhhh… no. So then her persisted and came back and asked if it could
be PYRO TIM. I thought for a bit and decided that I wouldn’t be the worst mom
if I agreed to that. And so – the nickname started. I had actually forgotten about
this story until his friend, Patrick, reminded me. Patrick laughed and said,
“Aren’t you glad you vetoed DEMON TIM because otherwise that might be on his
headstone instead of PYRO TIM!” Oh my, that made me laugh. One of my very
favorite things about Timmy was his humor. He had a way of making me laugh and
as he aged, we could joke about so many silly things. I miss his sarcastic ways
and the way his phone calls would brighten my days. Good thing my other two are
sarcastic and have sick senses of humor as well!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Tim – it has been one crazy year for him. He
injured his back at work last spring. That led to a steroid shot in the spine
that sent him into a seizure minutes later. I know people have seizures all the
time, but I can’t express in words how much it scared me. The side effects from
that seizure and shot were pretty all consuming for months. He is doing better
now, but still dealing with issues on top of his back injury. He will not be
able to go back to mechanic work and that is a very scary thing after nearly 25
years. So, he is navigating what is next. Of course, we have 8 rental
properties to maintain and that is a giant commitment alone. But we are in new
and uncharted territory. I can’t predict what the coming year will bring, but I
do know that we will figure it out. Somehow we always do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Me – I am a 45 year old perimenopausal crazy
lady. Quite literally, as Sebastian would say. One minute, I am crying. The
next I am laughing. I am a bit loony, but really… aren’t most of us? It’s been
a year of transition for me. Savy is very much on her own and I miss her even
though I know that this is how kids grow up. I missed Timmy when he joined the
army at 19 – it’s a bittersweet age. Sebastian is doing most of his
homeschooling classes with outsourced teachers – some live classes and some
online. So my roll has changed to more of a facilitator in getting his school
done. And – that marriage vow of “in sickness and health” – yeah that has
rocked my world this year. Tim and I have had to dig deep, remember that our
connection is solid, and in many ways learn a whole new path for our
relationship. I read this quote and it really sums it up –</span><span style="font-family: "AR BLANCA"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <b>“My point is, when you love someone, you
have to do it through the good and the bad. Not just when you’re happy and it’s
easy.”</b></span><b><span style="font-family: "AR BLANCA"; font-size: 9.0pt; line-height: 115%;">L.Oliver</span></b><span style="font-family: "AR BLANCA"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s
the whole conundrum right there! Who knew marriage was choosing bedroom décor
with your loving wife and going to one doctor appt after another with your dear
husband? And you know the secret to a happy marriage? A king sized bed that doesn’t
move when the other person is getting in and out! Seriously! We have more
blessings than we could ever need or deserve. It really is all in perspective.
I remind myself that most of the time JOY is a choice. We just have to choose
to see it! I wish you a Merry Christmas and JOY for the New Year and remember
to hug your loved ones!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Lots of Love,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Tim, Kari, Savy, and Sebastian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-79829073145997300782017-01-02T11:27:00.004-05:002017-01-02T11:27:55.557-05:00Christmas Letter 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBUhgsbBMtiNOWZAS7FGLDaL1zrEUCQECmbKykMDDQD4zUR7j2G3kMSgJtSjPVK5rHbmsmKILyO7TqVY5k8-gF6Bu4EYczpcAe7eD6T7WRCCFge2VFvhJvMAdoTZWOFPBoA_oSsw/s1600/15824539_10211502801148292_2142431343_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBUhgsbBMtiNOWZAS7FGLDaL1zrEUCQECmbKykMDDQD4zUR7j2G3kMSgJtSjPVK5rHbmsmKILyO7TqVY5k8-gF6Bu4EYczpcAe7eD6T7WRCCFge2VFvhJvMAdoTZWOFPBoA_oSsw/s640/15824539_10211502801148292_2142431343_o.jpg" width="452" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face", serif; font-size: 14pt;">It’s
me again… yes, another year and another letter. I know that nobody really does
cards and letters anymore. I should quit too, but it makes me sad that it is a
lost gift. I always think of a Christmas card as a small gift in your mailbox.
It doesn’t have to be a big deal – just a little bit of love sent your way. Some
might follow me on Facebook, but I am still going to share some love the old
fashioned way!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Sebastian
– Yeah, 12, middle school, karate, computer games, blah, blah, blah. You know
this stuff, right? Did you know that he is my only kid that randomly stops me
wherever I am and says, “Can I hug you?” Yes, I love this about him. He is very
not emotional a lot of the time. He is like me in that he says what he believes
to be factual even though sometimes it isn’t maybe the most loving way to
phrase something. But, inside his heart and soul, he is a gentle and kind boy
that will stop me and say, “I need a hug.” He loves his dog, Scout. He keeps
him by his side much of the time. But, now we have our new puppy, Rainy, and
Bass is playing with her and trying to train her. It has been fun watching this
new side of him with this new family member.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Savy –
18, senior, Sonic employee, make-up artist, creativity oozing everywhere, blah,
blah, blah. You know this stuff, too. Did you know that she always takes the
time to walk with her Grandma and put out her arm to help steady her? Did you
know that she created a beautiful plant area by our otherwise downright ugly
back door space? How about that now that she drives – she runs errands for me a
lot. Silly, but it’s not been an easy year for me to get stuff done – so this
simple kindness means the world to me. This has not been the greatest year for
our relationship. I’m all about real, so I say this because if somebody else
struggled with somebody they love – it’s okay to say that sometimes you love
people, but you still disagree. I raised a very strong young woman. Sometimes,
it is like battling with myself. I do believe that God has very special plans
for this girl I prayed for Him to send me. I am happy to say that we are close,
we love each other fiercely, and we have a connection that was one of my
greatest wishes for my life. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Tim II
aka Timmy. When he first died, I could only call him Timmy to everyone. I think
because he will always be my baby. Over time, I can now remember he grew to be
Tim II. He grew to be a wonderful man. I miss him, but even more these days – I
miss what he was supposed to add to my life. A wife, babies, and grand dogs. I
live in a constant battle of accepting what is and giving thanks for what was.
Did you know that he stayed with me while I labored with Sebastian? He made
jokes and kept me company. When Bass was born, Timmy came in and stayed with me
till the early morning hours. Tim took Savannah home to bed. But Timmy sat
there holding his brother and making me laugh. There was so much love in that
room. It was one of my most favorite moments in this journey. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Woofie –
you may or may not know that she was my dog kid for almost 16 years. We had to
send her home to Timmy just recently. I knew it would be hard, but I had no
idea how much this would hurt. I miss this sweet soul in my life so much. I
don’t think I have peed in 16 years without her standing next to me demanding that
I pet her. Our lives were truly made better by a gentle, always shedding,
always in the way, magnificent dog. I know she is with her boy and she is still
probably always shedding and always in the way in heaven! The good news is our
new puppy, Rainy, also follows me everywhere and I didn’t get to pee alone for
very long. She faithfully demands that I pet her anytime I sit on the toilet!
She doesn’t replace my sweet Woofie, but at least I won’t have to be lonely on
the potty. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Everything
with my husband is pretty much the same – work, rental houses, and oh yeah…
Pokemon. He loves taking Sebastian out on Sunday afternoons to catch ‘em
all. It has been a great thing for the
two of them to do together and it gives me a couple hours of alone time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Me? Well,
I am choosing to focus on the joy this year. If I am being real, I have some
sort of autoimmune pain – maybe fibromyalgia – that has really ticked me off
this year. I am not writing to whine, complain, or get sympathy. It is what it
is and I think the lesson I am learning from it has been the lesson my mom has
been preaching at me all along. Do not take time for granted. Do not push off
things you really want to do until tomorrow. The joy and the gratitude is that
meds make a huge difference. How can I not be thankful when I have amazing
help! There has been a shift in my life this year – Savy is much more
independent and Sebastian is moving into the roll of a doer. He has classes and
stuff going on and much of the time – it is just me and him doing life. In some
ways, I really miss managing more kids, but in other ways – I enjoy the ease of
guiding this last baby along his way. Of course – Savy will have college stuff
to guide and more adulting to oversee. I think we are moving into an intriguing
time. 2017 is going to bring more travel because the best way to learn about
the world is to see it. And, hopefully, it will be filled with joy even if
there has to be a few icky, no good, bumps along the way. I hope this “gift”
from me brings you a smile and you feel like I sent you some love. Hug your
people and have a Merry Christmas and an absolutely JOY filled New Year!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Lots of Love,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Baskerville Old Face","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: PMingLiU-ExtB;">Tim, Kari, Savy, and Sebastian<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-80702645789389782152015-12-31T17:11:00.002-05:002015-12-31T17:12:14.087-05:00Christmas Letter 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Hello again. I am sitting on my porch on this crazy, warm, December day and I am thinking about this 26th letter. Some know all the stuff that goes on in our day to day life thanks to Facebook. I thought maybe, just maybe, no letter this year, but darn it! It is a tradition, so here is my letter. Feel free to toss it in the recycle bin or use it kindling. I promise that I will understand. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sebastian – what is new with him? He is taller – I mean a lot taller. He finally started to grow this year. There has been a lot of maturing this year too. It is clear that Sebastian is the baby of the family because mama has been doing things for him that ended far earlier for the other two kids. We spent a great deal of the summer and beyond, learning life skills. We have made progress, but he may always be a mama’s boy. Time will tell. This year we introduced Sebastian to Harry Potter. We read some of the books together and we journeyed to that world through our imaginations. Even better, we got to take him to Universal and experience the magic first hand. He still has his group of homeschool buddies that he meets up with. They play minecraft via skype and can be heard yelling at each other even when they aren’t in the same house. They still enjoy nerf wars and pokemon. He conquered the 3 hour skill test to get his purple belt in Karate – a proud accomplishment! I still don’t understand half of what Sebastian talks to me about – gaming, computers, programming, etc. I feel like I need a translator much of the time. I do know that he is happy and content, mostly. He likes things to be very routine and he likes the security of his friends. At the same time, he is happy to go off on a trip and find an adventure – as long as I give him a detailed itinerary and he knows exactly what the plan is at all times. We will be finishing up grade school and entering into middle school in 2016. I think he will try one online class and we will go from there. I am sad in some ways to see that time end, but also excited to see who it is he is growing up to be. Of course, I am sure that he will just keep talking to me way over my knowledge level, but that is okay… I have perfected saying, “Uh huh. Mmmm. Sure.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Savannah – aka Savy. I think it would be easier to tell you what is NOT new with her this year. New hair, new school attitude, new interests, new friends, new room, new tattoo and the list goes on. I think my girl woke up on January 1st of this year and decided this was going to be her year to shine. I have never seen her work so hard and learn so much from school. In the spring, she tried a part time job at McD’s, but mama had to say no when they kept giving her 30+ hours. Life is too short to be a slave at McD’s. She got her much wanted tattoo in honor of Timmy. Yes, she was 16 and yes, we took her. We don’t care if people don’t like it. Walk her walk, live her life and you may get an understanding of why this was so important to her. My drama queen appeared in two plays with our homeschool co-op. In summer, she worked hard on the yearbook team. Both of those things are great accomplishments, but even more so because of the fantastic friendships she made. I do believe this is the happiest I have ever seen her and she will say it has a lot to do with the friends she has made. Fall brought endless weekends of working at the haunted house. She has a talent for scaring the heck out of people. She managed the many late nights and demand of her online classes – making Tim and I extremely happy. Winter has brought a push to get that driver’s license. It is close – very close. I have watched my little girl go through some deep stuff – grief, depression, anxiety, etc – and triumph over it. She is confident, driven, happy and kind. I am so lucky that she was given to me and I can’t even express how much I love her. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Timmy – I miss him. There are so many things I want to tell him. It was Harry Potter year, again, and that has always held a special place in my heart with Timmy. When Timmy was about 11, I ordered a bunch of stuff from some online store and they sent me a free copy of the first Harry Potter book. I had no idea what it was about, but I wrapped it up and put it under the tree anyway – I know, bad parent – whatever. He opened it that Christmas morning and he said, “Harry Porker!” Uh, no, Harry Potter. When we started back to school, I would come home from work and we would sit on the couch and read together. He struggled with reading, so I would read two pages and he would read one. We mostly read historical fiction because that’s what homeschoolers do. But, I decided to change it up and start reading this Harry Potter book. I had no idea the magic that was about to enter our lives. Each afternoon, Timmy, Savannah and I would curl up on the loveseat and we would read. It was like the world fell away and we were on this adventure. If I could go back, I would. There are times in your life that you don’t even realize it, but it really is the best days. Back then, we had to wait for the next books to come out. Timmy was growing up right along with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Each book would come out and we would cuddle up on the loveseat and the magical world would suck us in. Even for Savannah – just a baby – she would grab that book and pull me to the spot. She loved it too. When the movies started to come out, Tim would join us on the adventure. It became a family tradition to see the movie and compare it to the book and relive the story. My life has been so blessed because of this short time. I just wish Timmy could have gone to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter because he would have said, “That is FREAKING awesome!” and he would have loved every single minute of it. I am sure he tagged along in spirit and I know he is happy we took the kids – because that is what he always wanted – for us to be happy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Tim and I celebrated 25 years of marriage this year. Yeah, I know there were at least a few out there from way back then that thought the odds of us getting to 25 years were pretty slim. That’s okay, I am not sure we even knew where we would end up. When I think about 25 years of marriage, I try to pinpoint exactly what sums that up. I think about kids and houses and bills and trips and illness and celebrations and on and on. There was some pretty amazing stuff. I have always said my greatest gifts have been my babies and when I look back on time – 27 years of my babies, I know that is one part that captures it. But then there have been really bad times – awful, hurt you to your very soul times. So, what does 25 years of marriage – 29 years of being together really come down to? It is as simple as love. Tim and I are not completely alike. In some ways, we are very different people. What connects us besides kids, houses, bills, etc? As simple as it sounds – it comes down to a love that is running through to our core. It changes and it grows, but ultimately – it is the same love that connected us then and continues now. We made a conscious decision this year to do more of what makes us happy. We lost somebody close to us last December and that made us, once again, look at life with the reality that time is not promised to us. Our kids had requested a trip to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter and we felt like we needed to make that happen. We know that is not possible for everyone and it is quite a luxury. Something happened as we wandered around the magical world – we got to just relax and enjoy the moment. We don’t always get the time to do that. We decided that we enjoyed being with our kids so much that we wanted to take them on our anniversary cruise. Some thought it was my fear of leaving my kids, but the truth is that we know that Savannah has not all that long till college starts. Our time with her is going to become much more limited. When we are walking around the beautiful streets of Puerto Rico – we want her to be with us. When we are snorkeling off a reef in St. Kitts, we want Sebastian to see those fish too. This does not make us super human parents that do not get tired of our kids. We did send Sebastian to run amuck on the ship and just leave us the heck alone. It comes down to choices and we believe that right now our choices include travel, adventure and fun – along with rental house responsibilities, online classes for kids and some of that icky and required stuff. And then I thought, this is something else that sums up marriage – choices. We choose to show up, be together, and love one another. Every day you have a choice in how you are going to live… are you going to find joy? Are you going to love people enough? Are you going to do the things that make you happy? Oh and in case you didn’t get it – our family picture is in front of Hogwarts Castle! I knew the minute I saw it – that our family picture must be there – it just felt right and brought me so much joy… such a magical year! And with that, I will say give those you love a hug! My wish for you is much peace and joy!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Tim, Kari, Savannah and Sebastian</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Find me on Facebook – claytontk@aol.com </span>www.crazyeverydayblessings.blogspot.com – a neglected blog </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span>In memory of my sweet and wonderful Timmy 3.5.89 to 5.14.10
Until I see you again... I love you and miss you more than any words can say.</div>
Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-13989723795464832902015-08-19T12:20:00.000-05:002015-08-19T12:37:27.341-05:00The path...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlxB-fK96gQMm5JGaLcr57qr1Aip6zYa8Or_3IoEiTVdYY1PlWr4m5lMSg27SHIBFsEKQhUJfGnPrA1Wx2Ft_n-FcP2kOXxRtRPOibm3lnC_8r3oEl7dv8FIEVGWowxZWH7PgYQ/s1600/Universal+2015+155.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFlxB-fK96gQMm5JGaLcr57qr1Aip6zYa8Or_3IoEiTVdYY1PlWr4m5lMSg27SHIBFsEKQhUJfGnPrA1Wx2Ft_n-FcP2kOXxRtRPOibm3lnC_8r3oEl7dv8FIEVGWowxZWH7PgYQ/s320/Universal+2015+155.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Immersed in a Harry Potter add on book over dinner.</td></tr>
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I have been a homeschool mom since Savannah was 10 months old. When I started way, way back then, Timmy was in 5th grade. We knew we had to change something because sending him to school and expecting a different outcome from the many phone calls was just not going to happen. I think we had a general idea that if homeschooling worked for him, it would be the path for Savannah too. But, truthfully, we were focused on what to do for Timmy. As time does, it wandered by on that path and my sweet girl was 4 years old. She was now quite accustomed to homeschooling as a part of our lifestyle. I went to the convention with my sister-in-law and bought bright and happy counting bears and workbooks and all sorts of fun things. I was ready to tackle kindergarten for the first time even though she was just 4 about to be 5 because of her October birthday. We had fun together. We learned letters and numbers and all sorts of things. I think about it now and I can't believe that time went so fast. As Timmy and Savannah grew up and we added Sebastian to our family, it became clear that homeschooling was now a long term path. Now, you know I'm all about being real and I will not ever say that our days have always been great and cheerful. 7th and 8th grade for Timmy made us question our choice. We even put Timmy back in school for a couple months in 8th grade. There were hard days and lots of tears and so much uncertainty. As we turned the corner to high school with <br />
Timmy, we found a fantastic co-op and he made more friends and the path became clear again. Time meandered on and he finished high school and Savannah finished grade <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlTSOIcyIhnpYhGvYEQqI_OHbQYWA-YuLpVd_Dzx5Q7_8cawfg-2KDoXLzdRZSspuSi4jej4jyrpnaIrsblJ6pwmtu8Kpfc6SDaMs_Ufu1hGSbkJQUZ5depEjg8GRFGVzoDX7Bdw/s1600/Sep+03+016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlTSOIcyIhnpYhGvYEQqI_OHbQYWA-YuLpVd_Dzx5Q7_8cawfg-2KDoXLzdRZSspuSi4jej4jyrpnaIrsblJ6pwmtu8Kpfc6SDaMs_Ufu1hGSbkJQUZ5depEjg8GRFGVzoDX7Bdw/s320/Sep+03+016.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A field trip when Savannah had just started school.</td></tr>
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school and moved on to middle school. Once again, middle school proved to be difficult years on our homeschool path. Savannah was 11 when her brother died and Sebastian was 5 and well... That, obviously, effects everything. Sebastian started kindergarten at 5 almost 6 with his late September birthday. Seriously, school was a breeze with him because he is kinda like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. He had already taught himself to read and he was just that kid. I think God knew what He was going to ask me to walk through and He knew I would need <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This might have been a hint that Sebastian would teach<br />
himself to read.</td></tr>
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a bit of ease here. That left my sweet girl and the struggle was beginning here. So much sadness, so much pain and so much uncertainty. It makes me tear up when I think back on those days. I was trying, desperately, to help her find her way on this path that I wish she had never been asked to walk. We struggled. Did I mention I believe in being real because hiding stuff never, ever helps somebody else with their path? At the beginning of 9th grade, she told us she wanted to go to public school. WOW! HOLY HELL! We never saw that coming! We didn't think that any of our kids would want to go to public school. Not because public school was bad, but because that was not our path. For me, it was just a no. For Tim, he was considering it. Ultimately, we decided that she was wanting to go for reasons that weren't at all about getting an education. She thought that maybe if she <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Having fun is the key to keeping your sanity.</td></tr>
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tried something new, she wouldn't feel so bad, life wouldn't seem so hard, etc. In the end, we made the scary decision to go against her wishes and homeschool for high school. Where we live, it is all or none for high school. Meaning that you can't just place them in public high school anytime you want. They have to start back at 9th grade even if you have completed several grades. So... it was a scary curve in our path. Just last December, I found myself looking at private schools for her. School was still not clicking and I knew that I had a crucial amount of time to get this figured out. And then our path swerved. The lightbulb went off and the opportunities came. Savannah started online classes with Landry and got involved in a fantastic co-op. She was engaged in yearbook and drama and student council and wow... for the first time since she told me she wanted to go to public school... I thought just maybe we had made the right choice. This morning, she started her what would have been her Senior year. She has chosen to do an "extra" year of high school at this point. It is not really extra because technically with her October birthday - she is right on track. She will most likely dual enroll next year in her "Super Senior" year, but maybe <br />
not. She may just pursue more Landry classes and stick with co-op. Not sure and don't really need to know where that path is leading just yet. What I do know is that she got up and attended her Landry Anatomy and Physiology class online. Then she repotted and worked on her plants that she loves and then it was back to working on school. She is happy. She is on a path towards going to college to be a Physical Therapy Assistant. She is excited for co-op to start with drama, Spanish and yearbook. I took a sigh of relief this morning as I sat on my porch watching how far she has come. Sure there are days that the pain from before creeps up on that path. There are days where insecurity trips her. But, overall, I see a bright future in the distance on that path.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baking cookies always counts as school.</td></tr>
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-75757835409876944332015-05-14T13:52:00.001-05:002015-05-14T13:52:31.525-05:00The day the soldiers came...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have rolled these things over and over in my mind for 5 years. Like a bad dream that comes only it is not when I am sleeping. It is most often when I am driving alone or late at night when everyone else is asleep. Sometimes, it is out of the blue, absolutely nothing to trigger it and I am there again. I am right back to the day. It feels like something is stealing my air from my chest. It feels like panic and I am scared. I think I know now that I will always go back to that day. I used to wonder if time would lessen how sharp it feels to think about it, but I know that it is as cutting now as it was back then. Some things do not seem to lessen with time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">May 15, 2010 was a Saturday morning. It was a pretty crappy Saturday morning. My life, our life, was stressful at that time. It was a whole bunch of big things and a few little things, but icky would describe it pretty good. I knew from previous less than perfect times, that this would come and go like always, it was the swimming through it that stank. I got up that morning and decided to drive farther out to the Girl Scout store to pick up our end of year badges and then I had Kohls cash to go spend. Shopping is a happy thing for me, so I was choosing shopping for this crappy Saturday morning. I loaded 5 year old, Sebastian, in the car, picked up my mom and sister, and we were off. We arrived at the Girl Scout store and we walked the longer hallway to the back of the building to the store. I crossed the room over to the drawers holding the badges. My cell phone rang and I saw it was our friend, Dave. I thought it was strange that he was calling me because that was not typical. When I heard his voice, I knew something was wrong. He told me that I needed to come home right away - that "people" were at my house. I asked him WHO the people were. He asked them if he could tell me. He repeated himself just saying I needed to come home because "people" were at my house. I was getting louder as I demanded that he tell me who was at my house. I startled a woman in the store. I remember seeing her ask my mom if I was okay. I started to walk from the back of that longer hallway towards the entrance to the building. As I walked, I was figuring it out. People. Who would be at my house? Why wouldn't he tell me who the people were? I walked out the door and I rounded a flowerbed with a bench. I sat down on the bench because I was sure I was going to pass out. I looked up at my mom and I said, "Timmy is dead." I don't remember what she said. I told her that the people were soldiers. I knew they were soldiers. The Army sends soldiers only when somebody has died. I got in the van and I began dialing his phone number over and over. It would ring and ring and ring and go to voicemail. ANSWER THE GOD DAMN PHONE!!! Please, God, let him answer his phone. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I called my friend, Sam. Savannah was staying with her daughter. I asked her if Savannah was okay. She said that she was just fine. I hung up and </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I dialed Tim's phone. He had just gotten to the Sportsman Warehouse. I told him something was wrong with Timmy and he needed to go home! I screamed at him. Just GO HOME! It is Timmy! Something is wrong! Please, just go home! I dialed Timmy's number I don't know how many more times. I just kept dialing it. I was trying not to cry. I kept thinking that he was just sleeping. It was Saturday morning in Alaska. He was out late... the time difference... his day to sleep in. He was hung over. Anything, but please, God, let him be okay. I pulled into our neighborhood and we have a giant hill that leads down to our house. As I drove down to the house, I begged God to let this be some sort of mistake. I pulled into my driveway and there they stood - two soldiers waiting for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I opened my van door and I screamed, "Please tell me he is okay!" One said, "I am sorry, ma'am. He isn't. On behalf of the United States Government, blah, blah, blah, we are sorry to inform you, blah, blah, blah. I screamed. I hit my steering wheel. I yelled, "His stupid car! I knew he shouldn't have gotten the car!" Tim came to my door and he told me that he wasn't driving. He wasn't driving! It wasn't his new car that killed him. Some girl was driving. I was so confused. My mind went black. I felt like I was dying. I was certainly going to die. This pain - dear God - I will die. I will die right this minute because my baby is dead. Please, God, please don't let this be true. I stepped out of my shoes and I tried to walk, but I just sat down on the floor of my van. I couldn't move. My mom was crying. My sister went running down the street screaming. And where was my little boy. Where was Sebastian? He saw all of this and I didn't protect him. Somebody took him to Dave and Laurie's. I cried and I rocked and I remember telling Tim's brother that I never should have left Florida. If I had stayed he would have never joined the Army. He would be in Florida. I told him I could not live through losing another person. I could NOT do this AGAIN! Dear God, he is my baby! He is my baby! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tim was gone in his room I guess. He was as lost as me. My mom tells me she got me to walk in the house. I remember sitting on the couch. I remember seeing black. Everything was going black. I now think back and wonder if a part of my brain didn't shatter in those moments. I was in total shock. I don't know how long I sat on the couch. The soldier told me another soldier would be coming soon. I don't know what I said or if I said anything. I called Sam and told her that I was coming to get Savannah. I told her what happened. She said they would bring her home right away. More black. My mind was in complete darkness. I went to Tim. He was crying. I was crying. I couldn't help him. I couldn't see him crying. If he was crying, this was real. This could not be real. I called people. Who I called first, I don't remember. I know I talked to either my niece Tabitha or Jo, but I don't remember who first. I think it was Jo, but it kept going black. My brother called me. I am not close to my brother, but he knew and loved Timmy. He doesn't know these kids, but he was always there for Timmy. I kept screaming at him, "It's Timmy! It's Timmy!" He cried with me. I talked to my best friend, Jorgena. I don't remember what I said. I just needed to hear her voice. And then my baby girl came home. And I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever done - tell my 11 year old sweet girl. I took her into my room and I sat her on my bed. I hugged her and I told her that Timmy had been killed in a car accident. Dear God, please let me die in this moment. My poor sweet little girl should not have to endure this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know how much time has passed. I suddenly realize Sebastian is still not here. I tell all the people that I am going to get him. Somebody says they will bring him home. He comes in and he goes in his room and starts kicking the wall as hard as he can. He is crying and kicking the wall. I can't tell him not to kick the wall. Because he is 5 years old and he just saw his mom lose her mind and he heard his brother was dead from a soldier standing in the freaking driveway. Of course he is kicking the wall and crying! He is 5 years old! What the hell is he supposed to do? My poor sweet boy. Why!!!!! Why does he have to endure this?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sgt. Fetters comes in and sits down at the table. He is dressed in Class A's and very professional. He is kind. This is a crappy job and nobody wants to sit with parents that just found out their baby is dead. He starts talking and all I hear is blah, blah, blah. I still don't really know what happened. I only know it was a car and a semi and head on. He doesn't really know much more than that. I don't know who the girl was. She died too. I don't know why he was with her. I don't know anything accept that I want to die. He keeps it pretty short and he says he will be back tomorrow. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo1k2vrrm-4tLC0o3OUwT_ZsYE2WJ7dCxsIIl507HI8s-fNnK5Ifa9KmX8fuRI1FPV0Vaiv8UQgnHyx8qTXoJk-jlPepoUzQv_hYq5ZwEoKHynspRqleD-uqF1C1Fwlme0duB7wg/s1600/226891_1086900775365_6809_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo1k2vrrm-4tLC0o3OUwT_ZsYE2WJ7dCxsIIl507HI8s-fNnK5Ifa9KmX8fuRI1FPV0Vaiv8UQgnHyx8qTXoJk-jlPepoUzQv_hYq5ZwEoKHynspRqleD-uqF1C1Fwlme0duB7wg/s400/226891_1086900775365_6809_n.jpg" width="290" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't know where the rest of the day or evening went. I am certain that my brain shutdown because the pain was more than I could take. I woke up the next morning and I went outside. I cried a sound I have never made. I have heard of the deep, guttural cries that do not happen often. In the weeks and months that would follow, that sound, that cry, it would escape me and I would wonder if I would ever survive. I went back into my bed and Tim woke up. He sat up and then fell on me sobbing. NO!!!!! He doesn't cry like this!!!! This can't be true! If he is sobbing, this is true. It is not in my head. It is real. No! No! No! He is my baby, God! He is my baby!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sgt. Fetters comes back. He has more papers and more stuff and more blah, blah, blah. We are transferring money. Does he know that I was so stressed over bills and two mortgages and a house in Florida that won't sell and now he sits here and he tells me about money! I don't want the DAMN money! Take your money and give me my baby back! Get out of my house! Stop talking! Do not say another word! And then he says they are flying Timmy here to SC as soon as they can. Wait. I need to tell him. I need to tell him that Timmy hates SC. He doesn't belong here. He needs to go home. Please take him home. Please take him to Florida. That is his home. Not here. He was never supposed to be here. I should have never came here. Why did I move him here. He would be alive if I had stayed put. Sgt. Fetters is so kind. He tells me that they will take him home and they will get us to Florida. I tell him that we will drive. I am an idiot. My mind is in pieces and I am telling him that I am going to get in the van and drive to Florida. He tells me that the Army will take good care of my son and get us to Florida. And then he tells us that we have to make a decision. He raises his right hand and he covers his eye and forehead. He tells us his injuries are bad and if we want to see him, they will need to try to fix him. He says even with that, they will need to cover his head. Tim lays his head on the dining room table and cries. I am going to die at this table next to my husband who is going to die with me. We are going to die right now. Our sweet baby. God, he is our baby! Sgt. Fetters tells us that it really is best that we do not see him, but it is always our right. We choose not to see him. I will spend forever wondering if I was a coward. If I made the right choice. I don't know what the answer is. There is lots more talk and the Army does everything. They take care of their fallen soldier. And we wait. We wait 9 days to travel to Florida. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it is only the beginning of this journey. It is a plane ride and a limo and a funeral and so many people that love him. Kind and loving and amazing people that did everything because I could do nothing. I have thought about writing this for 5 years and I never did because my blog is about Crazy Everyday Blessings. I didn't want to turn my blog into a grief blog. I didn't want it to be a place of sadness. I can write this now because while it will always cut me with its sharpness, I can now look back and see the blessings in it. I still cry out to God that he is my baby. God knows and hears me when I rock back and forth and the only words I can manage in my tears are, "He's my baby, God... he's my baby." I can see where people loved us. They took care of us. To this day, they are still there. They still speak his name and honor him. He died too young. He was 21 and full of life, but in his short life, he loved people. He made an impact and I saw that then and I continue to see it now. My kids - they have been though hell - and yet they fight. They fight to survive it. I didn't think I would live that day. I kept thinking that I was going to die, but I lived. And I saw that I have two kids here that need me. They need me to stay present and actively seeking out joy. They deserve a happy life and more. So, I can write about it now. I won't lie and tell you it is easy. I had to take xanax to just get through writing this. It is not easy. I don't think it will ever be easy. But I believe the key to peace is to accept life as it is rather than what I think it should be. Some days, I fight peace. I fight acceptance of what is! But other days, I am able to accept and I am able to find joy again. He will always be my baby. I will see him again. I just have to wait.</span><br />
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-20328558367666166442015-05-13T15:27:00.000-05:002015-05-14T09:51:09.014-05:00It's not about fear... it's about living.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7S3DtQ8FtsF2iLON1fa1Xmhr3Vymb94-Bhx4Etm8ow4cpY4W_z3awyagheZqZ8Waszp_DClgvRmTlRnyJXLfLEuB6zu9v7jVUd6HF03LW2KEUzONVqNUbOYhB2ZwLsdA-R3KKJA/s1600/11251529_1070898606259188_1768243367_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7S3DtQ8FtsF2iLON1fa1Xmhr3Vymb94-Bhx4Etm8ow4cpY4W_z3awyagheZqZ8Waszp_DClgvRmTlRnyJXLfLEuB6zu9v7jVUd6HF03LW2KEUzONVqNUbOYhB2ZwLsdA-R3KKJA/s320/11251529_1070898606259188_1768243367_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I was asked a few days ago if I felt ready to leave my kids for an adult only trip. Ready meaning had my fear finally gone away since Timmy dying. It was funny. Because on one hand, the fear is always there. It is my greatest fear that something will happen to one of my other kids. I used to live in a bubble world where I believed if one tragedy happened to you - that you were somehow immune to any further tragedy. Dumb, I know. But I really deep inside felt that way. Now, any glance back at history will show you that this thinking is the most ignorant way of thinking. Look how many people have suffered loss and tragedy after more grief than any person deserves. So, yes, there is a certain amount of fear of leaving my kids and going </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">on a trip. But... not nearly as intense as before. I guess I was sending a message that I could not leave my kids and go away for our 25th anniversary without out them. That is simply not the case at all. Fear did not guide our plans. Living guided our plans. Here is the thing. We are all dying. Each and every single one of us will die at some point. It is the here and now that we have a teeny bit of control over. Some people will live to be 100 and enjoy wonderful health along the way. Others - like my dad and my dear friend, Laurie will get sick and sadly die far too soon. Then there are the accidents and the tragedies. Timmy and Debi - too freaking soon and not fair either. Then there are people who just have failing health and can't do the things they would like. It is something I have been painfully made aware of time and again. So, when I make plans - I think about these people. I think about their lives. They each impacted me in giant ways. As corny as it sounds, I try to live like I am dying. What would I want to see or do or share or learn? And I believe that my time is short with my kids - as does Tim. Sure, we hope that we will live for a long, long time. We hope that our kids will always be okay and preferably live right across the street from us. We want to believe that will happen. But, the truth is that we just don't know. We don't know that Savannah won't find someone that needs to move to Zimbabwe to fulfill their dreams. We don't know that Sebastian won't need to go work for Apple and create the best iPhone ever. Even though I have forbid them for ever moving more than an hour from me... we really don't know. And, God forbid, and God knows that I pray it all the time... we don't know that the next tragedy is not right around the corner. So, when I have the opportunity to travel or explore, I want to take my kids with me. Thankfully, my wonderful husband absolutely agrees with everything I just wrote. Yes, there were times during our 12 day trip, that I would have loved to just had time with my husband. And I did have some time because cruise ships are big places and our kids are old enough to go off on their own. We also don't have a problem telling our kids that we are adults in a relationship and that means we need some time to be with just each other. The best way to teach your kids about relationships is to be real with them. And because we live this way...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We get to see our kids catch pigeons in Puerto Rico.</span></div>
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Wander through a 500 year old fort wondering what the walls can say.</div>
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Watch Sebastian master snorkeling on his own.</div>
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Look at my beautiful young woman that God gave to me.</div>
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Explore some of the best beaches anywhere.</div>
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Dress up for formal night and act like we are stars!</div>
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Wonder why our boy doesn't just put the glasses over his eyes so he can avoid squinting in every picture.</div>
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See how a man in Barbados envisioned a fabulous garden in an otherwise ugly sinkhole. </div>
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Having fun with statues and my favorite girl.</div>
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Bathsheba, Barbados and squinty eyes!</div>
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Sample bananas at a banana plantation in St. Lucia. (Squinty eyes!)</div>
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Take a mud bath in St. Lucia - check!</div>
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Going up into a rain forest to jump in an ice cold waterfall!</div>
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Take a crazy taxi in St. Kitts to a beautiful free beach! </div>
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Pose with a monkey! Sure, why not!? </div>
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Sit on the balcony at the end of our day and give thanks to God!</div>
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Giggle at Sebastian adding his friends to the towel menagerie.</div>
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Take Timmy to the beach to see the planes fly!</div>
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Act like crazy tourists as the jets land and take off!</div>
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Live!!!! It is not about being afraid!!! It is about living the best life you can with the people you love!!!</div>
</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-79541767990781348642015-02-28T23:06:00.000-05:002015-02-28T23:18:13.559-05:00Before you judge me for letting my 16 year old get a tattoo... please read this...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Savannah got her first tattoo tonight. Her dad and I took her just like we went with Timmy to get his first tattoo. And some of you out there are at this very moment saying out loud or in your head, "What the heck are her parents thinking letting her get a tattoo?!?!?" Trust me... I hear you... I know you are saying and thinking it. And I should not care or give a hoot, but sadly, I do! But, for just a minute let me explain WHY we allowed her to do this and then if you still think we are crazy, well, that is your call and I don't give a hoot! For the record, we would not have allowed her to just go out and get ANY old tattoo. What we did consider and after months of thought and talking about - finally agreed to - is a tattoo that is the drawing her brother sent her on her 10th birthday. When she was 9 years old, Savannah's older brother, Timmy, joined the Army and was sent to Oklahoma for basic training. He was there when her 10th birthday rolled around. It was the first time they were not together on her birthday. When kids are homeschooled, they are TOGETHER A LOT!!! He was with her nearly every day for 9.5 years of her life. He made her lunch a lot of days and they were connected. So, when her birthday was coming up, he couldn't get her a present because he was in Basic. He drew her a picture. The picture has a story - when he was younger his best friend, Patrick and him, created stick figures for themselves. Later, Timmy tattooed those stick figures on his ankle. So, he sent her this drawing and he made her an honorary stick figure. She was thrilled to get this simple drawing for her birthday and for a 10 year old missing her brother it was huge! When Savannah was 11, her brother was killed in a car accident. To say that this has been hard on her and our family is just words. It doesn't even touch the emotion that is really involved. Unless your world has been devastated by losing a loved one - you have no freaking clue and don't even try to say you do. Timmy was a tattoo crazy person. And not long after his death, Savannah began to tell us that some day she was getting a tattoo of those stick figures. As she led up to her 16th birthday - she began to talk about it more and more. Tim and I talked and talked and talked some more. Then I do what I always do... I asked my mom her opinion. Then I asked my SC friends. Finally, I asked my bestest friend, Jorgena, what she thought of it. ALL OF THEM said that under the circumstances, they could see this being okay. And, yet, I still had to think on it some more. Ultimately, I realized that my sweet girl has struggled greatly the last 5 years. I have seen her not sure how to answer the uncomfortable question of "Do you have any siblings?" I have seen her not want to talk about what happened to her brother. I have seen her face emotions that I don't wish on anyone. Finally, we decided that we believed that she would never regret this particular tattoo. We believe that each of us have to do things that help us put shattered pieces of heart back in place. For her that is a tattoo. If it gives her the strength she needs to talk about him and feel him close to her - then I am certain we made the right choice. I didn't owe any of you an explanation. But I know all too well that people form opinions of people without knowing all the facts. She is my baby and she has been through more grief than she has ever deserved. If my telling people why she has been allowed to do something spares her just one person looking down upon her, then I am glad I did it. Just remember everyone has stuff they are dealing with and you may really not have any idea how hard that is.</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-771824981605825402015-02-19T11:25:00.001-05:002015-02-19T11:26:44.998-05:00"Crazy House Lady"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYBGOF3MngoGwke0loJQ6SNI75r2xb3Oq9Q_HeNeqyGku2xGZ4UH0LZ8tc6Nr8ZuNfTOwEUKGlNYV0joNWhbaGWiy0AXFB4kkFqp-Db9mbMtzQO-ALZu05X94aYUvCej7KexcowA/s1600/217077_1987945340916_1311803636_2364661_214035_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYBGOF3MngoGwke0loJQ6SNI75r2xb3Oq9Q_HeNeqyGku2xGZ4UH0LZ8tc6Nr8ZuNfTOwEUKGlNYV0joNWhbaGWiy0AXFB4kkFqp-Db9mbMtzQO-ALZu05X94aYUvCej7KexcowA/s1600/217077_1987945340916_1311803636_2364661_214035_n.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Have you heard about this app called Time Hop? It shows you your facebook posts on the same day in years past. It is pretty neat to see what you were up to years ago. My time hop told me, yesterday, was the day we bought our first South Carolina rental. I hadn't really been thinking about that at all until I saw it. That, in turn, made me reflect on the journey our life has taken in the 4 years since that time. Lots of you know that I am the "Crazy House Lady" as some of my friends like to call me. Some of you know why I am, but I suspect many of you don't know why we would decide to buy 7 more rental houses over 3 years bringing our total to 8 rentals including our original Florida rental property. As with so many things, my life is divided into the parts of "before Timmy died" and "after Timmy died". Before he died, we owned our Florida rental property because we could not sell that dang house no matter how hard we tried. With my job layoff, economy, etc. it made the most sense to rent it out and move up here to South Carolina. The plan was NEVER to stay landlords. The plan was to wait for the market to return and sell the house. When Timmy died, he left life insurance behind. I still, to this day, can remember the phone conversation we had in early 2010. Tim had recently begun working for the State of SC and now had life insurance benefits. I was telling Timmy about them because he was the named guardian of the younger kids. I remember Timmy saying, "Oh yeah, mom! I forgot to tell you that I put you down for my life insurance! If anything happens to me... you will be set!" Me being me told him to HUSH! DON'T SAY SUCH THINGS! DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT! I am always saying KNOCK ON WOOD! He laughed and that was the end of that conversation. I didn't give it much thought. Not until Sgt. Fetters sat at my table going over the details of my child's death. He spoke quietly and directly and matter of fact. Like we should know exactly what he was talking about when he referred to life insurance. We did not. We didn't know anything. The more he spoke, the more I became physically ill. I wanted to RUN from the table, but didn't because I was thinking that would be rude. So, I sat and I made myself listen. Weeks passed and we did not speak of it. It was money that sat in an account because my child was dead. It hurt and I hated it and I wanted it gone and my child back. We decided to pretty much do nothing because neither one of us wanted to think about it. Then in January of 2011, I woke up and looked out the window. I saw a for sale sign in the yard across the street. I tell you, it was like divine intervention! I had this peace that said to me - buy that house. I called Tim and thought he would think I was insane! He didn't at all. He told me to call a realtor. We had a friend, Celeste, that sold my mom her house. I called her and honestly, she was so gentle and kind with the crazy, insecure, emotional wreck that I was. And so began a new path. At that moment, we thought we would buy 1 or 2 houses in the neighborhood. Our grand plan in a perfect world was that we would secure the price of houses at today's prices and sell them deeply discounted to each of our kids when the time came. Then they could live right by us and NEVER, EVER go to Alaska. Okay, okay... we knew they may not want to live there RIGHT by us, but at the very least - we could then sell the houses and give them a large chunk of money to put down on whatever house they wanted. So, we bought the first house and we had to renovate it. This is where I think that God knows exactly what you need and when you need it. We needed a project. We needed something to talk about other than the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM i.e. our child had died. We needed focus and a reason to get out of our comfy and safe chairs. We had to pick paint colors and flooring and appliances, etc. Then we physically did all the work ourselves. Just ask my children about removing wallpaper - they will tell you they have been traumatized! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We could have paid somebody, but we didn't. We put our energy into a new beginning of a house. We finally finished it and stood back and had some happiness over what we had accomplished. And then on May 14, 2011 - one year to the day my boy had to go away - I signed a lease on that house. Our wonderful tenants are still there almost 4 years later. I knew that this is what we were supposed to do. And so it went... we bought another house that year, two more the next year - 2012, two more the next year - 2013 and our final one in 2014. Most of these houses needed renovations and it kept our minds active as we navigated this new world of ours.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are times when my phone is ringing or I am meeting crazy people that want to rent our place that I think this was a huge mistake. But, overall, I feel like we were guided to exactly what we were supposed to do. Our hope is that these houses will provide security not only for Savannah and Sebastian, but their families. Our wish is that he is proud that we took what he gave and we worked to make it something to last in his memory. We believe that there will be a day when our kids talk about how Uncle Timmy served his country and provided for these houses - Pyro Tim Properties.</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-15428716021142291022015-01-21T00:02:00.001-05:002015-01-21T10:11:18.196-05:00Harry Potter... One little book - so many memories...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>"If there is one thing that Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn't realize that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign... to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever."</i> <i>- Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sebastian and I just finished the first Harry Potter book tonight. Of course, he had heard of Harry Potter before and I am pretty sure he has seen a movie clip or two. But for the most part, Harry Potter was quite the unknown for him. It is strange how that happened because for so very long both Timmy and Savannah were engrossed in Harry Potter. </span><span style="font-size: large;">Savannah, recently, had reread through the books for herself which led to</span><span style="font-size: large;"> how much she would like to go to Harry Potter World at Universal more than any other single trip. We decided this was the year to go. Of course, that meant that Sebastian needed to be introduced to the amazing world of Hogwarts. I went and found my first book - the only Harry Potter book I have in a tattered, well loved paperback. I have thought of replacing it with a hard covered book several times, but somehow leaving the book exactly as it began seemed more fitting. It started way back in December of 2000. I had ordered some Christmas presents from a website and as a bonus they sent me a free copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's stone. I had never heard of it and really knew nothing about it. I looked it up and found it was supposed to be a great book, so I put it under the Christmas tree with all the other gifts. I still laugh at the video footage of Timmy opening it. One because he is in a t-shirt and underwear and two because he read the title as "Harry Porker". That child of mine was not a reader and completely underwhelmed that there was a book as a present. When we started back to school in January, I got home from work in the afternoon and would do the lessons we needed to cover and then we would sit on the love seat and do a read aloud book. I decided to try this one. When I took Timmy out of school in the 5th grade, reading was a struggle for him. I would have him read one page and then I would read two. It was slow and tedious, but little by little, he began to read better and his confidence grew. (It is a whole lot different reading it now to Sebastian. He follows along word for word and is quick to point out if I skip a word or change it in any way!) Savannah was just a baby - 2 years old, but she would sit with us and listen. By the time she was 4, she was convinced she was Hermione with her very own robe and wand. Two Halloweens in a row she proudly wore her costume and beamed. Timmy was the same age as Harry Potter in the books. He grew as Harry grew. We read each book as they came out until my little boy was no longer little and had a life of his own. I was sad when I read the last 2 books silently to myself. Sure, we still went to see the movies together as they came out, but I missed cuddling on that couch reading the afternoon away. I distinctly remember going to see the Harry Potter movie when I was pregnant with Sebastian and seeing the winter scenes. I craved ice so badly with that pregnancy that all the snow made me need ice immediately! Those were wonderful family times that I cherish! Sadly, </span><span style="font-size: large;">Timmy died before the last movie came out. </span><span style="font-size: large;">That winter, I put on his giant hoodie - still smelling like him, wrapped myself deep inside it and I watched the last movie in the theater. The tears streamed down my face and I remembered. I remembered how lucky I was to have that child in my life. How blessed I was to have memories that some people only dream of. I knew he was sitting with me in that theater. I felt him with every part of my being. And now, I have gotten to start all over again 15 years later. How often does that happen? So much has changed and yet, so much is still very the same. Sebastian leans up against me and we enter into a great adventure. And life continues...</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-40845992945892117052015-01-15T11:00:00.001-05:002015-01-15T11:00:25.520-05:00Christmas Letter 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Your long awaited Christmas book
has arrived! Pull up a chair and relax! It’s that time of year again!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Let’s
start with Sebastian! He is a double digit midget this year! My youngest baby
is 10! And with that extra digit, he has grown physically and his personality
has grown. He has these long legs that he never had before. I look at him
sitting in the van and I am like where did those legs come from? Guess what? He
still loves video games and could spend his entire life playing them. He has
been making basic programs on Khan Academy that I am pretty darn impressed
with. I don’t understand half of what he says whether it is about programming
or building something in Minecraft or whatever the computer talk is about. I
have mastered saying, “Uh huh… uh huh” very well. I sound almost convincing. He
still has a fantastic group of friends. Our boys have gotten easier this year.
Less refereeing and more playing. We still have him in karate and he is up to
his blue belt now. Overall, he likes the class except that it interrupts his
computer time and well… we are okay with that – so he will continue and
hopefully keep learning a lot. Even though he is growing up on me, he still
lets me sing to him each night before bed. Sometimes he wants to say no, but
then he misses it! Not all grown up, just yet!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Savannah
aka Savy as she likes to go by these days has turned 16 this year! She has come
out of her comfort zone the past 6 months. She put herself out there to just meet
people and do new things. Once again, she joined student council and this year
she is the Secretary. She is involved in two very different homeschool
co-ops. One is large and has a bustle of
people and classes. The other is small
and a bit calmer. She worked at our local haunted house scaring people several
nights each weekend. This suits her! She
likes to be loud and obnoxious and meet people. Getting made up all creepy and
then freaking people out brings her a ton of joy! Can’t say that it doesn’t
creep me out when I pick her up and her face is all bloody and scary. Not my favorite thing to do, but Tim and I
gladly drove her back and forth night after night. Speaking of driving, not so much happened
this past year, so the new plan is drive time this year. Dad is going to be
helping more with that, so maybe next Christmas letter will tell you that she
is a new driver. She has decided she wants to go to school to be a physical
therapy assistant. This year we found an online school that offered a good
athletic sports medicine class. For her first time, she is doing an online
class. She is trying to figure it all out, but it is going to take a little
more time. Oh, but it is going too fast! Please stop!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">One
of my silly memories of Timmy goes back to when he was a little boy about 7 or
8. We had him in tae kwon do. He had a
very serious teacher who was on the slightly short side for a grown man. One
day, Timmy came in with a lose tooth. It
was just hanging by a thread. He was fussing about how sparring was going to
make it fall out. His teacher, Master Dennis, told him to pull it out. Oh my
goodness! What a fit he threw! He did not want to pull that dang tooth out! No
way, no how! Master Dennis stood over him and demanded he pull it out. He
pulled it out and was not very happy. Fast forward about 10 years… we were at a
superbowl party and none other than Master Dennis was at this same party. My now 6 foot plus tall, 260 lb son walks
right up to Master Dennis and leans heavily on his shoulder – just towering
over him. He very calmly says to him, “Wanna make me pull my tooth out now?” Oh
my… I laughed so hard. It was just the
best memory. It still makes me smile every time I think of it. I still talk about
my boy Every. Single. Day. and I will until I take my last breathe on this
side. I still hear him talk to me in my mind. I hear his laugh and I feel his
hugs. Someday it will all make sense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My
sweet husband is plugging away. He works and he rests and then he works again.
It is the pattern of his days. Sometimes crazy, sometimes lazy, but it has been
a good balance this year. It seems our rental houses go in spurts of all
needing him to make repairs and then there will be a lull of quiet time. When is
he is not working, he putters around with his hobbies. Always a plant or a fish
or a something that grabs his attention and he messes with that for awhile. As
some of you know from Facebook, he bought himself a brand new Jeep Wrangler
this year. It was his first new purchase of his choice. He has always gotten
the family car or what the family needed, but this time he got to just pick
what he wanted. It made him nervous, but
it made me very happy to see him get to do something for himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I
am older, fatter and a bit greyer. Sometimes my brain is swirling in 5000
different directions. I am teaching at our new homeschool co-op and managing
rental properties. We started back to school in July and plowed through 17 weeks
straight without a week off. I am enjoying our extended winter break immensely.
Here is the not so sing, song, cheery, blah, blah, blah part of my letter. I
love homeschooling. I believe in it and at the same time, wow! I am tired of
asking, ummm, more like begging and pleading for kids to do their work. I know
it is a test and I may or may not pass this one. Let’s hope January brings
renewed strength. We did a good bit of running around this year which is one of
my very favorite parts of life. Lots of Disney, even a couple days with Tim
there. That is always a huge treat for our kids to have dad at Disney. We hit
the beach and the mountains and took a very relaxing cruise. I am constantly
aware that exploring new places is this amazing gift that needs so much
gratitude. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There
is this song by Need to Breathe called Multiplied. It has this one lyric that
goes like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="background: white;">God of mercy<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i></b><b><i><br />
<span style="background: white;">Sweet love of mine</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">I have surrendered to your design</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">may this offering stretch across the sky</span><br />
<span style="background: white;">And these hallelujahs be multiplied.<span class="apple-converted-space"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b><i><span style="background: white;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When
I hear this, it literally brings tears to my eyes. Possibly because I am an emotional,
crazy lady, but I think it is more than that. It makes me cry because I am
finally, little by little, with each moment learning that there is not a whole
lot I can control in life. Sure, I pay my bills, brush my teeth... all that
good stuff. But in the big picture – I have surrendered to His design. People
die and it just plain, flat out stinks. We lost our dear friend, Laurie, to
cancer this year and I hate it. I realized that there was nothing we could do.
The pain was just going to have to come and we were going to have to all get
through it. So, I have surrendered, but at the same time that I can’t control
the bad stuff – I also can’t always control the good stuff. And there is good
stuff. Really, amazing and wonderful stuff happens every day. And for that I
say “these hallelujahs be multiplied”.
Now, nobody is perfect. I still try to control so much. I still feel
better with a plan, checklists, order and neatness. I just know that this awful
pain that comes with the trials of life is worse when you try to control it.
Peace comes when you can accept the way things are, not what you thought they
were supposed to be. With that thought, I leave you and say hug your family and
friends! Tell them you love them! I wish you peace and joy!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Merry
Christmas and Happy New Year</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;"> Tim,
Kari,</span><b style="font-size: small; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'el&font gohtic!';"> </span></b><span style="font-family: 'el&font gohtic!'; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">(</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">Tim II</span><span style="font-family: 'el&font gohtic!'; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">)</span><b style="font-size: small; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Bradley Hand ITC';">,</span></b><b style="font-size: small; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;">Savannah
and Sebastian</span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"> In memory of my sweet and wonderful Timmy 3.5.89 to 5.14.10 </span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"> Until I see you again... I love you and miss
you more than any words can say.</span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/fGF-MGGLpB0" width="560"></iframe>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-80252659130189703052015-01-13T16:45:00.001-05:002015-01-13T16:45:13.613-05:00Savannah's first job... oh, but so much more than that!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCDC4SB834UIk8ASNiX0ifdOpGLsPQ-P05lTHf3mrTjB_ut0UlQrwVZWtnEeC8ITSzz_zTR7FKrCZtdCR8f8wbHB1Scx4Mm2loLZesax7ara6kXN9-jG0U4IJBK0H54tXtC10yQ/s1600/148a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMCDC4SB834UIk8ASNiX0ifdOpGLsPQ-P05lTHf3mrTjB_ut0UlQrwVZWtnEeC8ITSzz_zTR7FKrCZtdCR8f8wbHB1Scx4Mm2loLZesax7ara6kXN9-jG0U4IJBK0H54tXtC10yQ/s1600/148a.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQFngzstEf7cjPUa3O67j78CUkACUUXTOSuLu_Hl-tu5riafwG1L6nqKWPRzUchjLH0U4DirYykbvwApti1p_3ov3N4bMFgLj0x79sJQmQex2efqBprXcZ2YjCHg2TR5N-udeWFg/s1600/Sept9+035.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQFngzstEf7cjPUa3O67j78CUkACUUXTOSuLu_Hl-tu5riafwG1L6nqKWPRzUchjLH0U4DirYykbvwApti1p_3ov3N4bMFgLj0x79sJQmQex2efqBprXcZ2YjCHg2TR5N-udeWFg/s1600/Sept9+035.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>This morning I set my alarm for 7am. That was the time Savannah said she would need to get up to start her first job today. She said she had set her alarm, but I thought just maybe she would sleep through it. So, just to be sure, I set my own. As I opened my eyes, I could see that her bedroom door was open and she was awake. I tried to go back to sleep for a while until I had to wake to drive her to McDs. As I lay there, I kept thinking about how this is how it happens. I have been down this path before. Ten years ago, right around this time, Timmy got his first job at Firehouse Subs. He didn't work early mornings there, but I still kept a check on time to make sure he was ready. And he was. He did very well with his job and at just 16, he was more than ready to take this next step to growing up. Things happened very quickly when he started the job. First it was working and then practicing driving more and then a license and then POOF! He had this whole other life of running in and out and eating warmed up dinners and catching up in phone calls throughout the day. And... now... my baby girl is 16 and she just started this first job. And before I blink, she will be working and then practicing driving more and then a license and then POOF! She will have this whole other life of running in and out and eating warmed up dinners and catching up in phone calls throughout the day. In some ways, it was a relief! It was like, "YAY! One less kid to micromanage and shuffle from place to place!" In hindsight, it was the last time or at the very least a distinct change for many things. I don't even think I realized it at the time. This time around, I am going to try to notice it more. I am proud of her and nervous all at the same time. She is beaming with possibilities right now and that just makes a mama's heart smile. To my beautiful daughter that I asked God to give me... I love you. I am proud of you. You are a young woman with amazing talents and I have no doubt that you will do great things with your life. Just remember that we are right here every single step of the way and we will help you with whatever you need to make those things happen.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-26692790447178859712014-11-20T11:31:00.001-05:002014-11-20T11:31:41.790-05:00Why we won't let him quit...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZQVzG1_ZFXNotVBKDPYCyV0R2jFVq8lIEk2T2NlLGBUuQvn8ssxt5khPArd9lKsbvzyYiG8X4kH9LrEtbq-QeQnxw9Ift8GSqKKTz0njvmRluBcAZGGHZc2ITfUX9e5sdS1nnA/s1600/10614174_10205265796427072_1401677715901461245_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKZQVzG1_ZFXNotVBKDPYCyV0R2jFVq8lIEk2T2NlLGBUuQvn8ssxt5khPArd9lKsbvzyYiG8X4kH9LrEtbq-QeQnxw9Ift8GSqKKTz0njvmRluBcAZGGHZc2ITfUX9e5sdS1nnA/s1600/10614174_10205265796427072_1401677715901461245_n.jpg" height="320" width="238" /></a></div>
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I haven't blogged in over a year. I don't know if this is ME blogging again or not. Facebook destroyed my blogging days because I now blog in popcorn posts. Some part of me wants a blog, a place where my memories are stored more than popcorn posts. This is what is on my heart today.<br />
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Sebastian is 10 and has been in karate for a little over a year. We believe he has done very well in this environment. If you know my kid, well, you know that he can let his emotions carry him away. We greatly struggled for 3 years after Timmy's death. There were lots of tears and anger and emotion. We plugged along each day and came out a little tattered, but no longer quite so crumpled. For about the first year of karate, we went to 3 classes a week. I had to drop that back to 2 as our rentals demanded more time and other activities filled our calendar. Recently, Sebastian got his blue belt and immediately after we left for a week at Disney. The first class back was fine. The second was not. Last night, I took him to class and he was not a happy camper. He was defiant and adamant that I stop forcing him to go to karate. I am not gonna lie, I was done with him by last night. It had been a hectic few days since returning from Disney and I really just wanted to squash him like a bug. I was not happy that he was telling me I was forcing him to do this. Here we are paying out money and spending precious time to get him there and he is being a spoiled brat. Yeah, I know there are the gentle parents out there saying I am a monster that forces my kid into stuff. I am fine with your interpretation of this. Really, I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion. And it is your opinions that make me question myself over and over. Ask my mom, she will say that when she made decisions when I was a kid, she just did it. She didn't think about other people's opinions or thoughts. Sometimes I wish I could be that way. Not only having to think about the way I, personally, perceive things, but also think about the opposite opinion to decide which is the best way for me. My loving husband came home and I told him about our class. I told him that I was too tired and done to make this decision at the moment. He quietly went to talk to Sebastian and came out saying, "He is going back to karate." I was relieved, but I knew there would have to be more talk. This is what I have come up with and I believe my husband agrees with me. Sebastian doesn't want to quit karate to pursue another interest. He has no burning desire to play basketball or soccer. He is not chomping at the bit to get out his 4H bunny packet and work away on getting it done. He doesn't want to read books about a new endeavor and formulate a plan. I can tell you what he does want to do... He wants to play computer games and watch neflix. He doesn't want to have to change out of his clothes into a karate outfit, drive 20 minutes and then do conditioning (he really doesn't like conditioning). If he could just do all the kicks and punches and fun stuff in the comfort of his own home without the 3 steps above, he would probably be cool with that. But that is not how life works! You have to take the right steps to accomplish something. I was thinking about some grown people I know that walk away from their adult obligations. They just decide they don't want to do what is required of them. They want to skip the work and in some cases still enjoy the good stuff. I just posted on my fb this week a rant about parents raising their children to be responsible adults. And that helped me decide that Sebastian will continue with karate. And not in the, "Wow, I am going to force him to do something he hates" scenario. He doesn't hate karate. He actually quite enjoys the class after the change of clothes, drive to class and conditioning part. I am going to continue to take him because he needs to understand that it is important to work towards a goal and finish a task. He needs to learn that commitment to something or someone is important. Oh and it is our job to facilitate this. Now, if the time comes that he can tell me a valid reason why he wants to quit, something like I want to pursue the robotics club and spend those hours working on my projects... I will be open to the discussion. For now, I am going to be the grown up and just like so many things... guide him in a direction that I hope makes him a fantastic adult one day. <br />
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-32851422521473237172013-07-20T15:20:00.003-05:002013-07-20T15:20:45.032-05:00Plans...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUh9iYWvPWc_9IbKXxkQh1ZCvJ1K2lDcE4242x4wbY2mdUc0a1kGjYQIFuaOnadxe3UaX1nYRU6vUvzLPKGicvMY-aYj72wUSB8hCSMvdkVSNTEvFuUSi1CWrnkwHqDtLhqzkHpA/s1600/Past-Future-quotes2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUh9iYWvPWc_9IbKXxkQh1ZCvJ1K2lDcE4242x4wbY2mdUc0a1kGjYQIFuaOnadxe3UaX1nYRU6vUvzLPKGicvMY-aYj72wUSB8hCSMvdkVSNTEvFuUSi1CWrnkwHqDtLhqzkHpA/s320/Past-Future-quotes2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">In case you don't know this about me... I am a planner. I love plans. I love checklists. I love marking things off all neat and tidy. I also have a very strange love of amortization tables and seeing things paid off. I don't like debt, but house debt is a necessary evil if you are going to invest in rental properties. I have spent a HUGE amount of time over the last couple of months pouring over our finances and moving towards expanding our rental business. I am a bit OCD when it comes to these things. Even if I have worked through the numbers once or twice, I must do it again and again to be sure I did it correctly. At the beginning of this year, I pulled a notebook off my bookshelf. It was a partly used notebook - well because we homeschool and notebooks get used randomly, but not always finished. As much as I love my iPad, I have a need to actually write my budgets down on paper. I flipped to the back of this notebook and found several pages of Timmy's handwriting. It was his Apologia Biology homework from a decade ago. These things stop me in my tracks. I always am aware he is gone from this world. Occasionally, little things pop up and it feels like I have been kicked in the gut and at the same time I feel joy because it is proof that he was, indeed, HERE! Where am I going... don't you love how I ramble? So, at the very front of this notebook I began my typical monthly budgets. We use our credit card for nearly everything and while it is online - again, I feel the need to actually write down the purchases and make sure we are in line with out budget. Yes - I have Quicken. I do it there too, but not daily. Yes, I said I was OCD, remember? Recently, I decided to do a much larger business plan. One that projected the next 5 to 10 years. I broke out the amortization tables (yes, I am a nerd). I figured one scenario and then another. At the end, I felt satisfied. I had done the homework. I had built in several emergency plans. I was at peace with our decision to move on and purchase more properties. Then this life event happened... my newest granddaughter in love was born last week. And I really, really want to go down and just hold her. I want to talk baby talk to her and tell her that Mama Kari loves her to the moon and back. But I have these plans and they are written in a notebook. They say that realistically, I should rent these properties as soon as we close, save for a bit and then head to Florida. Disclaimer - I fully believe you should live within your means. For me there is living within our means and then living within a very strict set of sometimes INSANE means that I set up. Seeing the baby isn't really the problem with the budget. The other part of my insanity is that I think if we go to one place, then surely we should go to another. If we are driving to Tampa Bay, then why not go further and drive to the Florida Keys? Sebastian has never been and we haven't been in 10 years. Coincidentally, about the same amount of time as when Timmy wrote those answers in this notebook that is sitting here staring at me. We took the whole family to the Keys in August of 2003. We had plans to take Timmy snorkeling for the first time. Then Tim got a kidney stone and he had to get him home for surgery. The snorkeling got canceled and I remember very clearly telling Timmy that we would plan for another time. Well, that time never came. We never were able to make it back down to the Keys. When you lose your child, you have so many regrets. Silly little things and big, important things. So, I was sitting here looking at the page on the left that holds our long term goals for the next 5 to 10 years and on the page next to it - my son's biology homework. I was thinking that we don't know how long we have on this side. We don't know what the future holds. We do know there is a sweet baby girl in Florida that we have never met. And we do know that we could make amazing memories with our kids in the Keys. So, here I sit wondering... do we stick with the plans or occasionally throw them clear out the window (with caution, of course!)? </span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-77186430310956025072013-07-17T15:30:00.000-05:002013-07-17T15:47:52.575-05:00Fear and Motivation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, I know I don't blog as often as I would like. There is always something else to keep me busy, but blog posts still roll around my mind. Today, the topic of FEAR came to me. I have written about my fears here before. This is a bit different. It is not just about fear, but how fear is a motivator. It can either motivate you to act or motivate you to stay the same. There are a lot of big decisions going on in the Clayton household these days. My anxiety level is at a high. That is not all bad. Actually, most of it is not bad at all. I was thinking about how many times in my life that fear has kept me from doing what I needed or wanted to do. I think back to being really little and being afraid of riding amusement rides. To this day, they terrify me and I have tried to conquer that fear. Ain't happening. Then I think about how I was afraid to even talk to a boy, much less walk up to his door and ring the doorbell of a boy I did not know. But, somehow, I did just that. On the other side of that door was the boy I would someday marry. I didn't let fear stand in my way. When I was 25, we were ready to buy our first house. It terrified me! I ran numbers and wrote out budgets on backs of envelopes for weeks. I was just so nervous about making such a big decision. When we decided to homeschool, my right eye twitched for months!!! I kid you not, from May till August, my eye had a whole life of its own. I was sure I would mess my kid up and ruin his life. Finally, of all things, a bumper sticker gave me peace on that. I had been considering the Waldorf method for my curriculum. I had all but decided to enroll him in 5th grade, when there was a bumper sticker in front of me that said, "Education from the inside out." ~Waldorf homeschooling. I took it as my sign to go forward. Not long after 9/11, something happened with my job. It was being merged with another department. I had been working the same job, happily, for 8 years. I loved my job! I remember my boss, Bill, calling me into his office to tell me the news. I was a basketcase. The thing is... he was calm and understanding. He told me that he had a different job for me. It was a full time job that was an in office job, but he was going to take that position and turn it into a part-time telecommuting position custom tailored for me. How great was that? It was perfect, but I was stressed. I was afraid. He gave me a book and told me to read it. It was Who Moved My Cheese? It was a corny little book, but it made a lot of sense. It is so strange how there are little pieces of your life that form you. Just chance moments, impromptu conversations, random life. They shape you and transform you into a different you - hopefully smarter, stronger and better than before. So, today, I am on the other side of some decisions I was putting off because of fear. I am realizing that I still fall to the same old bad habits of letting the unknown control me to a certain extent. I would like to say that I have gotten a whole lot better at dealing with my "cheese" being moved, but I would be lying. I am, however, moving forward - pushing the fears back - making educated decisions and always looking up.<br />
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-58692956304810648572013-04-19T13:22:00.000-05:002013-04-19T13:22:13.969-05:00School is out - year 14 of homeschooling is complete...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This was her classroom of choice on a warm January day.</div>
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I have been puttering around my house this week. Cleaning a bit, decluttering a bit, taking a minute here and there to really look at some old school work, some old pictures, some of the past. We are getting ready to go on vacation and we were just finishing up the last bits of school. Savannah was sort of a ninth grader this year - I say that because I am taking high school as a journey rather than a sprint. We are in no big hurry to push her out the door and into adulthood. So... we are learning rather than checking the boxes. That may happen to be finished in just 3 more years or it may very well take 4. She started school a year early and I feel like we have the freedom to pursue gymnastics, travel, field trips and many other things before she grows her wings and flies away. Mind you - I have a rule... my children can fly and plant their roots no farther than two hours drive time away. I think we made some huge progress in writing this year. This is her second year of using Institute in Excellence in Writing. I'm so happy with the results. Wish I had bought it years ago for Timmy, but you live and you learn. I don't assign literature to her because if she finds a book she likes - she finishes it in a day or two. I think if I made her break it down and read a couple chapters at a time - it would kill her love of reading. I know she understands and processes what she is reading because she "feels" the book much in the way I am when I read a book. Math - oh how I dislike you - I decided that the definition of insanity was to keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome. With that - I put aside the algebra and I bought the ENTIRE set of Life of Fred. Now some of that is way, way too below her skills. I figured it was best to read a whole series though and I wanted to read it with Sebastian. So far - she is enjoying Fred's take on life and mathematics. I ordered Dave Ramsey's Foundations in Finance for teens. We are gonna work our way through Fred and this... and then back to algebra. I remembered that this is one of the reasons I homeschooled - to take the winding road and curvy path that is the best way for my child.<br />
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This was one of his favorite projects this year - making a life size body with body parts.</div>
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Sebastian is finishing his 2nd grade year. I see the most progress with him because when they are younger - you see the huge jumps in skills. He is less writing phobic, but I won't say I have cured him of his phobia. I fear that may take many, many years. It is not that he doesn't know the answer or isn't learning... it's just that he does NOT in any way, shape or form want to pick up a pencil and actually write it on paper. I have learned some things about him this year - what works and what doesn't. I started with some very creative lapbooks and unit studies. Getting him to write out the answers in each book took every little ounce of my patience. After Christmas - I decided that I was just not going to take this route anymore. I changed over to Story of the World for history and geography. I didn't require him to write the answers - just answer them back to me. I order tons of the suggested reading from the activity guide. He loves the mapwork and each day I tell him to choose a book to read. He will sit and read for a very long time without a single complaint. He loves his workbooks because they are very defined. He knows what is expected and laid out for him. So - moving on into third grade - we are gonna go with Mr. Q science and the worksheets, more Story of the World and several different workbook based programs to round out language arts. We are gonna keep on printing for at least half of the year before we move to cursive. I am toying with doing a couple days of school a week on summer break to break it up a little more during the next year. Not really sure where we are headed on that, but it will come to me eventually. Oh and after I wrote this - he finished his math for the year. He was dancing GANGNAM STYLE all around the house. I told him to sit down and finish his math. He replied, "I AM DONE!!!" and continued to dance all through the house. Silly boy!<br />
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So, here I am - 14 years of my life - homeschooling. I started for Timmy. My motivation was that I was so tired of asking him what he did wrong at school that day. Did he have a negative note? Then it turned into letting him learn to be his own person. To explore who he wanted to be. Now it has evolved to my two other children. Who do they want to be? What trek should we take? I still have about 10 more years on this adventure. Looking forward to it.<br />
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-42955719430452902112013-04-14T21:10:00.000-05:002013-04-14T21:10:03.671-05:00A 20 year old card from my mom for my 21st birthday...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My mom gave me this card on my 21st birthday. Its been hanging on my refrigerator actually refrigerators - I think it has been through 6 refrigerators<br />
since then. I cannot believe it has been 20 years. I mean, I feel like in many ways it has been 20 years. When I look at the card just hanging there every day - I never really thought about it being 20 years. I can't even remember my exact reasons for liking this card so much. I guess because it just fit.<br />
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<i><span style="color: #990000;">"God gives us dreams a size too big so you can grow into them." </span></i></div>
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When I was 21, I had been married for close to 3 years. Timmy had just turned 4 years old. I was in college and had a full time job. We lived in the converted in-law apartment attached to my parents' house. We wanted to buy a house and start our "real life". I had so many things I wanted to do. Finish school, buy a house, have babies, take vacations, make memories. It all seemed so far off - so big - so much to work towards. In 20 years - I have finished school. I have bought a house or actually 7 houses including my parents' house that had that in-law apartment where my house dreams were just beginning. I have had 2 more babies and taken more vacations that I can begin to count. And memories... I have an ocean full of them. And, yet, if my mom had given me that card today - it would still apply.<br />
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<i><span style="color: #990000;">"God gives us dreams a size too big so you can grow into them."</span></i></div>
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I still want to buy houses. I still want babies - not my own, but lots of grandbabies and nieces and nephews. I love to think about vacations. And memories... I think this drives me the most. I want to make as many wonderful memories as I can. </div>
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My birthday is hard for me. I don't love celebrating it because my sweet boy will never have another earthly birthday. It is hard to explain, but it is a feeling, an aching feeling. My head and even part of my heart tells me that God left me here for some purpose. I believe to be a mama to my kids. To be the other half of my husband. To be a good friend, daughter, sister, aunt and other mother to many. But I still have not great feelings about celebrating another birthday. And then there is this...</div>
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<i><span style="color: #990000;">"God gives us dreams a size too big so you can grow into them."</span></i></div>
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Twenty years later and I still believe this to be true... I am gonna leave it on my fridge - for maybe another 20 years and see where I am then...</div>
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-59847413800164275552013-02-05T23:08:00.002-05:002013-02-05T23:15:58.928-05:00My version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie with Ordering from Rainbow Resource <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Ordering just one curriculum item from Rainbow Resource has somehow become my own personal version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie... It goes something like if you are going to order, you should order $50 or more for free shipping, then you should order the whole elementary set of Life of Fred, then you should also get the bigger graph paper that is hard to find... Oh wait... You should sell some math curriculum you aren't using to help pay for this... You should probably ask your curriculum junkie friend, Christina, if she wants anything... You should order another Spelling Power workbook for next year, but wait are you sticking with Spelling Power? Maybe you should go research Spelling for the 40th time even though you always, always end up back at Spelling Power... While you research spelling, you start to read about Language Arts... Oh my... What should we do for that and should I figure that out while I have enough for free shipping? And look they have spiral bound graph paper in the size Savannah uses, but is that less paper than the ones you can find at the Harbison Walmart and not the Red Bank Walmart? That makes pyou think of Savannah's math and then you wonder if you should get the other older Life of Fred books for her since you are already ordering and there you are back where you started with ordering Life of Fred.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-5103263436323374042013-01-30T12:43:00.000-05:002013-01-30T12:51:35.063-05:00Milkshake Economics 101<div style="text-align: center;">
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Here is our economics lesson for the day... Savannah and I wanted chocolate milkshakes. Now I could have just went to McD's, but it has been an expensive month going to be followed by 2 more expensive months in the Clayton household. We are teaching our kids to budget and live within their means. We run our month from the 5th of the month till the 4th of the next month because we use our credit card for everything and that is how the cycle runs. We still have a few more days to go with an out of town competition coming up tomorrow. So... when the kids wanted ice cream... I had 3 choices:<br />
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1. Be mean and just say NO!<br />
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2. Run to McD's (so nice of them to just build one right down the street) and order us up some ice cream.<br />
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3. Run to Walmart, buy some French Vanilla ice cream to make our own.<br />
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The first option costs us nothing... but we have been sick and food has not been our friend. Both Savannah and I thought ice cream sounded good to eat and that says a lot since we have barely eaten in a couple days.<br />
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The second option was to buy shakes at McD's. McD's being way cheaper than the Sonic option across the street will still run you about $2 a shake - could be slightly more or less depending on location. So - $6 for 3 shakes.<br />
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The third option - buy ice cream at Walmart - $2.97 for a half gallon of French Vanilla. We already had milk and chocolate syrup. We used maybe half of the half gallon (that's a tongue twister!). So, about $1.50 in ice cream and maybe if we were going to be on the pricey side for milk and chocolate - 50 cents for that stuff. So, we are up to $2 for 3 milkshakes.<br />
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Here's the economics lesson... we could have spent $6 or we could have spent $2. The taste was basically the same. It took a bit more work, but heck... I needed to pull that blender out of the cabinet to find that I had not one, but two blenders. Then I asked why I had 2 blenders and Savannah reminded me that one was Timmy's. He bought a blender while were at Disney for mixed drinks and then just left it in my van. Yes, he was funny that way and that made me smile - so I'm glad I got a happy memory to go with digging out the blender. So... all in all... this is a no brainer here - it was a good idea to make our own milk shakes and hopefully some day - my kids will get that when they are at the end of the money and there is still some month left to go - they can make milk shakes and all will still be well with the world.<br />
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<br />Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-73681060391473192672013-01-26T11:53:00.003-05:002013-01-26T11:58:50.181-05:00Tears - not always sad - some come from joy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over these past couple of years, I have become quite the crier. If you asked my brother when I was a kid - he would have told you that I cried about something every single day. I distinctly recall him saying that to me and challenging me to not cry for one single day. I was very determined to meet his challenge. Ummm... yeah... I lasted like maybe 4 hours and I cried about something. As I grew up, I became much less of a crier. I would say I didn't cry more than the average teenager or 20 something girl. I became more emotional in my thirties and well since my sweet boy has gone to heaven - forget about it - I cry all the time. Not because I am always sad though. Nope - not at all the reason. Just recently, my niece - Jo Jo - came to visit at Thanksgiving. It was the first time I had seen her obvious baby belly. When she walked into my kitchen to say hello - oh my goodness - I looked at her beautiful face and then I saw the sweet joy of that new life. And then the tears came to my eyes. Oh - so much love! When Rachel - one of my homeschool family - did her floor routine at the gymnastics meet... yep - tears and pride for how well she did! My other niece, Tabi, came to visit us in July. Oh her sweet boys - seeing them with my mom - their Great Grandma - happy tears. And then tears to say goodbye to them. Not exactly sad tears - just tears of emotion. Last night, I thought for sure I would be crying the whole time these lovely young ladies got ready for their dance. Well, I was in super curling hair mode and focused on that. When the beauty work was done - I walked out in my living room and I didn't just see my immediate family - I saw so many families that I love! We were all here to celebrate with our sweet babies. I still didn't let the tears fall although I knew they were right there. Then the picture taking began. This morning I have been sitting here looking at all the pictures and you guessed it - tears. I just love these kids so much and to see their happiness overwhelms me to the point of tears. At one point last night, I had Savannah and her cousin Karis get together for one of just the two of them. That was it for me - the tears they were coming. My mom said, "It's okay. Don't cry momma." I held it together, but the tears. You see these two cousins met when they were just a couple months old. We drove up here from FL in February of 1999. Debi and I wanted our sweet baby girls to meet each other. We dreamed about how they would somehow grow up loving each other even though there was 550 miles separating us. They saw each other a couple of times a year. They were instantly friends from the time they barely could walk or talk. And last night - they were going to a dance together. Oh tears - happy tears. A little bit sad tears, but more joy than sadness. You see I have learned something about tears over these last couple of years. I have learned that tears lessen the pain of grief, but tears also happen when you see how absolutely beautiful life still is.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-47081266505463227152013-01-20T15:03:00.000-05:002013-01-20T15:03:11.161-05:00My parents and their agape love...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The message in church this morning was about marriages. I was sitting next to my mom and I was thinking not only about my marriage, but about my parents' marriage. As we drove home from church, my mom said something about it not applying to her now, but she hoped that they had shown us that kind of marriage while my dad was alive. It was a very simple statement. Oddly it was very much what I had been thinking about during the service. One of the reasons I blog is because some day I would like my kids and their kids to have my memories written down. I believe understanding your family and where they came from is a wonderful gift. My story began with two people that loved each other. I may have doubted things in my lifetime, but one thing I never doubted was my parents' love for each other. For as long as I can remember, my parents did everything together. My mom has never driven. One would think that would have been quite the hindrance to her, but it really wasn't. I remember being a little girl - preschool age. I think my dad had off on Tuesdays (I know it was a weekday.) He would drive my mom to the bank and to the grocery store. He sat patiently in the car. He didn't have a smartphone or an ipad to keep him busy. He just sat and listened to the radio or maybe read the paper. Now, my dad wasn't perfect. He wasn't one to carry the groceries into the house and help put them away. He had his flaws, but they were pretty minor. I learned at that young of an age that my parents worked well together. She was what he needed and likewise for her needs. Another thing they would do was go to "the club" on Friday night. It was a not fancy social club with a fish fry and cheap beer. They would meet their friends for dinner and maybe some dancing. I was thrilled because we would get tombstone pizza for dinner and I could curl up in their warm waterbed to watch Dallas! Yes, I was an 8 year old hooked on Dallas. When we would go on vacation together, I could tell that they were genuinely happy to have a week off to spend with each other. As I got older, my mom began working days at the hospital every other weekend. My dad was not a hobby guy like my husband is. He didn't have projects and stuff to keep him busy on the weekend. He would get up, read his paper, get his car washed, maybe stop by a friend's house and then he would come home and read some more. He would glance at his watch several times an hour. I knew what he was doing. He was checking if it was time to pick my mom up from work. He was counting down till it was time to get her. He didn't really know what to do with himself while she was away. You could see that he was happy when the time finally clicked away on the clock and he would say, "Going to get mom." as he walked out the door. They would usually stop for dinner somewhere on the way home. None of this is earth shattering. It wasn't like he was buying her diamonds or she was kissing his feet. It was just subtle, daily life. And as I said - they were not perfect. I can hear my mom saying his name through gritted teeth, LEO ALLAN!!! when he would annoy her. I can hear him SCREAMING his loud booming voice over some stupid thing one of us kids did. They were not perfect, but they were good. They were good and loving and decent. Sometime before I had Sebastian, Tim and I were looking at getting a new ring for me. It was a sapphire setting that needed a solitaire diamond in the middle. My mom gave me her wedding ring set to see if that might work. It wasn't set the right way, but she told me to keep it anyway. I wear her wedding rings on my right hand. Every once in a while Sebastian will ask me about why I have two sets of wedding rings on my hands. I tell him that one represents my marriage to his dad - our choice to be a family. The other set represents my parents' marriage and the choice they made to give me the foundation of a wonderful family. They showed me what true agape love is.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-1127271635904227732013-01-07T15:12:00.001-05:002013-01-07T15:13:10.513-05:00So, I'm not a gardener...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp8fQiaOrXzsTF9OsJUE5c4AHQjynkAMfi5sSWqxkn65-e6WO4gk_v_FDju3Zj6jgUJDPOt3eLVpOOeNbpjVq-ZUH4JBKUdDLixO5jgCjxgURE4qbeAt4TeHs-xAr6OVkKirs9OQ/s1600/5368_1217081629805_5300706_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp8fQiaOrXzsTF9OsJUE5c4AHQjynkAMfi5sSWqxkn65-e6WO4gk_v_FDju3Zj6jgUJDPOt3eLVpOOeNbpjVq-ZUH4JBKUdDLixO5jgCjxgURE4qbeAt4TeHs-xAr6OVkKirs9OQ/s320/5368_1217081629805_5300706_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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From our garden back in 2009</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't have a green thumb. I don't really like gardening. I'm not a gardener, but the good news is my husband is! He loves growing things. Here is the thing... I love watching the stuff grow. I just don't really love doing the work of getting it to grow. When we first moved to South Carolina in 2008, that was a BIG thing on his list of things to do with our new big yard. He put in a smallish garden that year and I had no idea how much I would enjoy watching the vegetables grow. I mean... I would wake up in the morning and one of my very first thoughts was - I need to look at what has grown since yesterday. It reminded me of when he had a koi pond at our first house. I used to like to sit on my front step and just watch the fish swim when I would wake up in the morning. It was peaceful and quiet and just brought joy to my heart. In 2009, he made the garden bigger and some things were hit or miss, but I still really enjoyed it. He even cut a tree down to the perfect stump size for me to come sit there and talk with him as he weeded the garden. I got a cute little gate entrance too! When 2010 rolled around, life was hectic. His work had demands of more of his time and well... 2010 sucked for us even BEFORE Timmy died. It was destined to be the worst year of our life well before May. I guess it was already written. Anyway, there was no garden in 2010. In 2011, we jumped into buying our second rental property at the end of January that year. It needed a good amount of renovation. All of Tim's free time went working on that during that spring. In the spring 2012, we were working on a third rental property. Again, not a free moment to garden. This morning Tim had a doctor's appointment. His doctor's office is right across from Lowe's. He meandered in there after his visit and he called me to ask, "Do you use turnips in your homemade soup?" I was like, "Huh? Parsnips, why do you ask?" He tells me he is at Lowe's and picking up some seeds to start some starter plants for our garden. Now, this is a simple phrase and a simple thing. In one little statement - I felt joy! Joy that we were going to have a garden, but more than that... joy that some part of our normal life was beginning to show again. Whatever normal is... because we all know that normal is never really attainable. I guess I know how much he loves to garden. I know that it is something that makes him feel better in general about himself and everything that swirls around us. And then there is my excitement over getting to watch those darn vegetables grow. Even better - I told him after we finished studying the human body for 10 weeks, we would be moving on to plants with Sebastian and his friends. How perfect is the timing of that? Sebastian said in the background, "I don't like gardening." I told Tim and we both said at the same time, "He doesn't like anything!" Jokingly, I think. Anyway, I just wanted to save this snippet of how one little thing can make me giddy with excitement! I can't wait to see what our garden grows. You know it is growing a whole lot more than vegetables... is is growing a little bit of peace for our family.</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-50094429014273887632012-12-30T23:33:00.000-05:002012-12-30T23:46:37.572-05:00Creative Memories Scrapbooking Software May Have Just Saved My Sanity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB7lGFYCURqwxki9xrhXX-q8IV1jePk0G2ja-evlo7N4x2JSAt8mHGusV6f8NNkfVUVbqvuOjPbfxG4oNnxyUnQmCStbf6MfRDiGMBZibXprHDEdzivPBhC2IdKTpghdwUz_V26A/s1600/285019_4649340234125_1964030193_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB7lGFYCURqwxki9xrhXX-q8IV1jePk0G2ja-evlo7N4x2JSAt8mHGusV6f8NNkfVUVbqvuOjPbfxG4oNnxyUnQmCStbf6MfRDiGMBZibXprHDEdzivPBhC2IdKTpghdwUz_V26A/s320/285019_4649340234125_1964030193_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Back in the summer of 2010, I ordered the Creative Memories Scrapbooking software. Honestly, at the the time, I was not even remotely thinking clearly. I just remember seeing it had went on sale from my friend, Michelle. The next thing I knew - I had ordered it. It is funny what I do remember from that summer because it is like seeing tiny snippets of a movie in my mind. I remember the post or email or something saying the software was on sale for that month only. I remember thinking I should get that. I don't remember why now. I guess I was thinking I was going to make sure all of my memories were put into book. Maybe I thought since I couldn't remember what I was doing at any given moment - I had better start getting our pictures and memories into books. Well... truth be told - I opened that software exactly once in the last 2.5 years. And that was last December when I needed to make a matching collage photo of Timmy to match the ones I had purchased for my kids from Picture Innovations. Well, a year has gone by. I got sucked into this bleepity bleep groupon deal for a Snapfish photo album. I was thinking I could put a book together of our many families trip to Disney. That way - I could gift the book to the other families. Hmmm... this sounds easy, doesn't it. It has been anything, but easy. I have worked on uploading the bleepity bleep photos, then I worked on finding a theme I liked and then I worked on finding some Disney clip art and ugh... all that to HATE the first two pages. I hate them because I - in a distant time and place - used to create beautiful layered pages. I love the look of layers and dimension and this snapfish is just so darned flat. Did I mention that looking at scrapping stuff took me on a whole other sidetracked journey of reading about Project Life scrapping? I like the concept, but again - hate the less layered look. After a very frustrating evening saying bleepity bleep A LOT, I decided to open my Creative Memories software. Oh my goodness!!!! Oh my goodness!!!! There are beautiful templates right there. They are one dimensional, but they look layered. I can move them and mat them and change them and OH MY GOODNESS!!! It has been on my computer for 2.5 years. It is right there! Now, I don't know how this book is going to look yet. My thinking is I will create the pages and this time - upload them to snapfish since I already paid for the groupon. It is really crazy how my brain has worked in these last couple of years. I did things, bought things, forgot things, remembered things only to forget them again. I hope 2013 brings a little more clarity to my brain. I also hope that this book is amazing and years and years from now - we will all smile when we look at that once in a lifetime trip to Disney with our very best friends.</span>Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-73920136066972992572012-12-22T23:46:00.002-05:002012-12-22T23:57:17.258-05:00Advent Calendars<br />
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<span style="line-height: 14.166666030883789px;">Talking to Savannah about her chocolate advent calendar because she asked</span></div>
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when Christmas was while we were watching tv tonight.</div>
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Me - Why don't you know what day it is? You have an advent calendar.</div>
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Her - Dude! I ate like 13 chocolates in one day because I got so behind!</div>
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Me - Why do I buy you chocolate advent calendars?!</div>
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Her - Because I love the chocolate!</div>
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Me - That's it! I'm not buying you anymore chocolate advent calendars! I will just </div>
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get you a bag of chocolate!</div>
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Her - That would be a whole lot cheaper.</div>
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Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-9013531032377307382012-12-20T16:57:00.001-05:002012-12-20T17:09:29.753-05:00Did you know that kids grow up? <br />
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Did you know that kids grow up to be young adults? Sounds completely obvious, right? Somehow, I never much thought about this when I was a younger parent. I guess I thought a little bit more about the here and now more than I did the future. Probably, because I was the young adult at that time. This is where I am going with this - I became an aunt when I was 12 years old. I was a kid! I didn't much give thought to the fact that someday, that tiny little baby was going to be a beautiful grown woman. I thought she was the perfect doll. Soon after my first niece was born, there were two more nieces born all by the time I was 15. Then I became a mom and more and more nieces and nephews came along. Lots of little kids and they grew up. I was there in some form watching them all grow up. Today, I am 40 years old and at this very moment there are four young adults expecting new babies next year. Add to this - several of them have already had babies. A whole new generation! Sometimes it hurts my heart a bit - not because I am not overjoyed for them - because I am missing my son having his own children. That will probably be there for a good long time, but I tuck it to the side and I try to find the absolute joy in these young adults. You know how we all oooohhhh and ahhhhhhh over the new babies and the toddlers in our lives? Sometimes I oooooohhhh and ahhhhhh over how wonderful these young adults are. I marvel at their kindness and love. Some of them aren't starting families just yet, but they are still not kids anymore. I think about each of them when they were little people and we didn't have a real clue who they would become. Then I send up a silent thank you to God for putting each of them in my life. I love this part of my life. I love that they let me be a part of it. I love seeing them grow up and become exactly who they are supposed to be.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25305816.post-77527966363614595582012-12-14T10:22:00.003-05:002012-12-14T10:39:24.674-05:00If I had known it was the last hug...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Taken December 13, 2009</div>
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If I had known that it was the last hug I would ever give you on this side - I wouldn't have let go. I would have clung to you like my very life depended on it. Three years ago, today, I drove you to the Charlotte airport. I had taken you to the airport many other times before that day. By that time, you had been living away for 18 months. You had traveled to Oklahoma, to Alaska, to Kuwait, to Iraq and back again. You had seen a war and still came home to me. I remember that day was cloudy and cold. It looked like it would snow even though it didn't. On that day - we had a new (to us) van and we could all take you back to the airport. Well, your dad had to work, but your Grandma, Tusie Michelle, Savannah, Sebastian and me - we all came along for the ride back to the airport. I had a pit in my stomach. Why did you have to be stationed in Alaska? Why did it have to be so far away? Why couldn't I have more money - so I could just fly up there and see you whenever I wanted? Lots of why's going through my mind that day. I don't even remember what we talked about on that 2 hour drive. I remember you sitting next to me in the passenger seat. I can still see you with my memory. You looked so amazing! So grown up, so everything I had ever hoped you would be. I hated getting to the drop off at the airport. I hate how I always feel rushed at those airport drop offs. I feel like don't they know that we are telling the people we love goodbye! I know they need to keep it moving, but I just want to spend a few more minutes with my child. He is my child and he is leaving on a long trip and he won't be home for months. Please, understand how hard this is for me. But, the airport people don't care about this. So, you hug quickly and you tell him you love him and to BE GOOD because that is what you always say to him. He laughs is big, goofy laugh and before you know it - he is walking into that airport away from you. The whole family is silent as we drive away. We are all thinking the same thing - what Sebastian said just a few days before - it STINKS that he has to live in Alaska. Even at 5 years old - he gets how hard this is. I can still smell his cologne on me and in the seat next to me. It is like a wisp of him is still riding back with us. We stop at a Chick-Fil-A on the way home from Charlotte. I think my heart chooses Chick-Fil-A because Timmy's spirit is always at Chick-Fil-A for me ever since he put on that cow costume. I remember sitting at the table looking out the window at the grey sky. I felt a strange feeling that day. Maybe it was intuition that that was the last hug on this side. I felt numb. Do you know what it feels like to have a piece of your heart fly away to Alaska? When I look back now - if I had known it was the last time I would hug you on this side - I would have looked into your sweet face and memorized every part of it. I would have buried my head into your big arms and breathed in deep that mix of you and cologne. I would have told you how much you mean to me and how my blessed my life has been because of you. I would have never let go.Kari C in SChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03612685744264381063noreply@blogger.com0