Crazy Everyday Blessings

Oh my goodness... I forgot to teach Sebastian to use scissors!

2011-11-04T09:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, I didn't really forget to teach Sebastian to use scissors. And in my defense, he CAN use them - sorta. I mean he can certainly cut the top of an ice pop off with scissors. Does that all the time with not a single problem. So, I guess it is not has bad as it could be. How did this happen? Well - I will call it 3rd child syndrome. You see my first child went to school until he began 5th grade. He went to a fantastic Pre-K class when he was 4 years old. The very sweet and incredibly patient - Miss Mysliewick - taught my amazing first born son how to do things like cut and paste and color in the lines. She taught him a ton of amazing things. Then he entered the system and he regularly cranked out age appropriate art work. My second child - my only daughter has always been homeschooled. So, she must have the same teaching experiences as Sebastian, right? Nope! My beautiful little 3 year old girl started at a homeschool co-op and Daisy Scouts. She took preschool art with Miss Sherry and Hands On Science with Miss Susie. She did girl scout projects from the teeny tiny age of 4. I bought her a lovely crayon, glue and scissors box, tucked it in her bag and sent her off to these amazing women that taught her all these wonderful things. I sat quietly in some vacant room of a church while they enriched her life. THEN - I had my last and youngest son. When he was 3 years old and just getting to co-op age... I did the craziest thing. I MOVED to another state. For some reason, Miss Susie did not want to move from Florida to South Carolina to teach my son how to cut and paste. I have no idea why that wasn't at the top of her list. Well, as life happens, things got busy for me. I spent a good deal of time focusing on Savannah's school from grades 5-7. I had mini-classes at my house with friends. We all had little preschool boys and we just let them run around and play while we did stuff with the bigger kids. I reasoned that Sebastian pretty much taught himself to read and do math. He is super smart. He is well beyond his 1st grade scope and spectrum. Then - last year happened. I did my best to do school and we did accomplish a lot of the 3 R's. Not so much of the fun stuff though. So, THIS IS THE YEAR - I said. I am going to make crafts and sing songs and do the fun cutesy stuff with him. Savannah is working pretty much independent. I give her a schedule and she (in the same room as me) works through it. Finally, that youngest son of mine is going to get a whole lot of attention. I printed a Fruit of Spirit lapbook about 8 weeks ago. We painted ONE page of it. Then I don't know where it went to. I printed and cut out a Money Lapbook. He was unimpressed and let's face it - he already knows all of his money facts and can add or subtract money just fine. What was I thinking? You may be asking why lapbooks? Well, I did a lot of lapbooks with Savannah and her cousins. Sebastian genuinely showed an interest in them. I spent a lot of time telling him they were too advanced for him. My other reason is that I like lapbooks. I am the teacher - so sometimes I just pick what I like! So there! I also like that I can pick and choose what to add to them. For instance - take today - I decided to do a Thanksgiving lapbook with him. Now, I already have 2 ready made lapbooks for Thanksgiving or Autumn. I like each of them, but one seems a bit hard for him and the other is just so good and so full of info that I would prefer to hang onto it until next year. We will be out of town for 10 days in November - so our time is a bit limited. That set me on a hunt for a perfect blend of art, writing, and knowledge for a completely Sebastian lapbook. After hours of googling - I narrowed it down to several pages that had copy work involved. Sebastian is weakest in handwriting and super advanced in reading. I am trying to work in handwriting a bit more with each passing day. He loves his Handwriting Without Tears books, but is not so keen on just writing words out of the workbook. So, I make this adorable scarecrow book. It has the same scarecrow on each page - you just change the sentence under it on each page. The first page says, "My hat is orange." He then copies that sentence and colors the hat orange. The next page says, "My shirt is blue." and so on. Well, my brilliant child says, "Why do I have to WRITE this?" I tell him because he needs to practice his writing skills. He replies, "Well, YOU typed it! Why can't I just TYPE it?" Smart cookie there. I tell him very patiently that I typed it to give him clear idea of what is expected of him, but if I had to - I could, in fact, write. Then he goes on to say, "Why does each sentence say "MY" shirt, coat, etc? It is not "MY" shirt, it is his!" Well, he had a point there. So - we made it through half the pages, but I am not giving up! We will complete this stinking scarecrow book by the end of the week. We also pasted together a pilgrim boy and girl. I did the cutting and he just assembled. Savannah did this same project when she was younger. Somehow - not the same. Next up, was a simple book about the First Thanksgiving. It was 8 pages printed on two standard sheets of paper. His goal - to cut out the 8 rectangles and staple the booklet together. Simple, right? Well, er, ummm, not so much. He didn't do a horrible job, but he was not happy. He was complaining the entire time. Why do I have to do this? When will I need to cut stuff? Why can't somebody else do it for me? I will get a job where I will have a helper to cut stuff out for me. Yep, that is my boy... he is already envisioning a personal assistant to do the mundane work for him. We pushed ahead and cut that pain in the bleep book out and then he read it with great ease and glued it down. I am glad we did all of this today. I am a little perplexed on how he got to be 7 and slid right by me on these little things, but I guess that is life. I am determined he will, however, learn to cut his own pages before he heads to the office and assigns that task to somebody! I want to know if he is stuck on a deserted island somewhere and needs to create a lapbook from scratch - that he will have the skills! I think I am going to need a lot of patience the next few months...

Breakfast for dinner

2011-10-20T00:02:00.003-05:00

I have no idea why I am writing about this, but I am. This afternoon as I was driving home from picking Savannah up - I decided that breakfast for dinner sounded like a wonderful idea. We seem to go in spurts on this and sometimes it is a simple affair - just eggs and toast. Tonight, I felt like making homefries, pancakes, eggs and toast. Why I would choose this on a night where I needed to be somewhere - I have no idea. I just did. I was sitting at the table peeling potatoes and I started remembering my mom cooking breakfast for dinner. I could see her crystal clear in my mind standing at the stove in our house on Scarsdale. She would make eggs, pancakes, and minute steaks. Sometimes she would make homefries too. My mom was a way nicer mom than I usually am because she would make the eggs to order for each of the 6 of us. Most of the time when I do it - everyone is getting their eggs cooked the same. I moved from peeling those potatoes into the kitchen to make pancakes. As I stood there waiting for them to bubble - I could hear her telling me that the little bubbles let me know it was time to flip them. My mom has taught me so many things. It is strange to me how some of those things are like they happened yesterday. I guess breakfast for dinner is a comfort food for me because it reminds me of when life was so easy and the biggest thing I was facing was flipping the pancakes at the right time. It sure would be nice to go back in time for a visit to watching my mom cook breakfast for dinner and having all 6 of us sit around the table enjoying it.

Little pieces of Sebastian's heart

2011-10-16T17:53:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I got a message from a woman at church - Kristen - about having Sebastian sing a song with another child for the Christmas play. That got my mind thinking and rolling around what has happened in his life in the last 17 months. I decided I should write it down because even though some of it is very painful, some of it is very much filled with hope. I guess really this post starts when Sebastian was just in my belly and had a few months until he was born. We had gone for an ultrasound and found out he was a boy! Timmy and Savannah were both with us. Savannah sat on the ground in true 5 year old behavior and cried because this new baby was not only a boy, but he was due on her birthday! The horrors of it all! Timmy, on the other hand, leaped into the air did one of those ALRIGHT moments of "I am having a brother!" Two completely different reactions. Time passed and we welcomed Mr. Sebastian into our world. His momma was still somewhat of a mess from losing her best friend a year earlier. As much as I love Sebastian and we chose to have him because of my hurting heart - there were days I thought this tiny baby was getting short changed because his momma was a bit frazzled at best. He did have an awesome big brother(and an equally wonderful big sister) that helped out when he was home. At one point, I even left my little 2 year old Sebastian with his brother and dad for 6 days while I took Savannah to Williamsburg. Everyone thought I should have worried about leaving my baby with my 17 year old... in truth I was a bit more worried about the days my husband had him all day! After all, Timmy had been home with Sebastian since the day he was born. He knew all his quirks and all of his routine. My husband, on the flip side of the coin, had been at work most days. Time flew by as it often does and Timmy was soon leaving for the Army. Sebastian was not quite 4 when he left. I remember telling Timmy over and over that if he joined the service - the kids wouldn't know him. I told him how I was so extremely close to my oldest sister, but when she married and moved away when I was 12 - our closeness fell away. I was worried about it and if you know me at all - that means I obsessed about it. Then there was my oldest son, wise and kind. He wrote letters and sent pictures and text messages and he called. Oh yes, he called. He would talk to me and he would talk to Sebastian. Not as much as I would have liked in hindsight, but that is a different post. Don't ask me about my lack of using SKYPE - I literally and I do mean literally have a mini panic attack when I see it on the screen because I am so sad for not using it more. Time will heal that as it does other things. Anyway, I am getting off track. My point is that Timmy stayed connected to his siblings. He let them know they were important to him and that they loved him. When Timmy died, Sebastian had the unfortunate event of not getting told in a gentle manner. He was in the van when I pulled into the driveway that day. He saw me, my mom and my sister completely lose it as we saw the two soldiers standing there. He saw me beat on my steering wheel and scream. He was just 5 years old and he did not deserve that. Savannah was not at home. I was able to take her aside and hold her and tell her. Sebastian spent time away from me that day and I remember at some point telling my friend April that she needed to bring him home right now. I guess in my haze it hit me that HE needed me. When she brought him home - he went to his room and he began kicking his wall as hard as he could. Then he fell into my arms and he cried. Not his usual "I am being a pain in the butt kid" cry, but the kind that was he had just lost his big brother cry. For weeks, he would kick that wall. For the next year, he had meltdown after meltdown. I mean crumbling in to what I call snotty fits - where the tears are rolling and the snot is flying. Not pretty and sometimes frustrating. Enough to make me insane at some times. I just wanted to sit at the park with my friends and heal a bit, but my Sebastian was crying over everything. We tried lots of things and lots of people had "advice". Tim and I talked about it over and over. All at once it hit me. I was crying everyday. Sure, most days, I did it quietly, but not always. Some days I cried so hard and there was nothing that was going to make it stop. I was 38 years old and I was crying and having snotty fits. I just had the sense to go sit on my closet floor to do it. Why on earth would I expect my 5 or 6 year old child to do better? When I realized that - it changed how I dealt with it. I knew I couldn't allow him to just get angry and throw fits, but I also knew that it had some reason to be there. His anger came from pain in his heart and that is real. I thought about how I sat alone in my closet and cried until I felt better. I began sitting him alone when he had a meltdown. If we were at the park - I would open all the van doors and sit him in the van. Pretty soon, he actually knew the drill and sometimes would tell me he just needed to be by himself for a bit. I am happy to say that today we are not having nearly as many trials with him. There are some people that helped along the way and that brings me back to the very beginning of this story. Last winter as I was walking through Walmart, I saw our youth pastor, Oakley and his wife, Kristen. Now, they don't know this, but they will now if they ever read this. I actually saw them and I walked through the clothes aisle to avoid them. WHY would I do that, you might be wondering? Well, because Tim and I had taken Sebastian out of church for that time. Too many meltdowns at church was very trying on both Sebastian and me. So, I didn't want to come face to face with them. Then it happened. Kristen called over to me, "Sebastian's mom... Sebastian's mom." I stopped and turned. She came over and very sweetly told me how much they missed Sebastian at church. I explained the above. I worried she would think I was a bad mom taking my kid out of church and all. She didn't act that way at all. She was very kind and continued to be kind each Sunday when I did NOT bring Sebastian back to church. A couple of months passed. We decided it was time to give it a try again. I would love to end the story with something like Sebastian never had another meltdown again at church, but that would be a fairy tale ending. He had and continues to have some good days and some bad days. Not nearly as many bad days anymore. People like Kristen, and Anne Marie another great woman that helps at the church and Margie head of the children's department were patient with him. And there are others inside and outside of church that love him broken and all. They didn't expect him to be all fixed and perfect. They understood that his heart was broken into a lot of little pieces and it was going to take a lot of time to try to fit the pieces back into place. When I got that message asking him to have a specific part in the Christmas play, it was just fitting one more of the pieces in place. It is just a tiny verse that he gets to sing, but the fact that they love him enough to know that this may be a challenge and that they are willing to take it. That says something. I know his heart won't hurt as bad forever and I am glad of that. At the same time, I will always be sad that as his heart heals - it means he will miss his brother less. It is bittersweet. With the pain comes little pieces of joy when you least expect them.

Finding good in the bad...

2011-08-21T15:05:00.000-05:00

I have spent months and month thinking about and replaying conversations I had with Timmy. We talked a lot on the phone each day and to be truthful... most of those conversations were forgettable. They were just the typical - I need to run to Walmart and why won't Savannah get her school done and I wonder what we should have for dinner types of conversations. Timmy would call just about every weekday morning when he woke up. It would be around 10am our time. Then he would call again around 4pm and then usually again around 9pm. We talked a lot about nothing at all and sometimes about everything. I wish I had paid more attention. I took it for granted. Tim told me something awhile back that may be the sweetest and kindest thing he ever said to me. He said he firmly believes that because we homeschooled Timmy that he was used to talking to me everyday. Afterall, when you are 11 years old, in the 5th grade and are home all day with your 1 year old sister and your mom... who else are you gonna talk to? Tim says he thinks it got our kids in the habit of sharing their thoughts with me. It just continued when Timmy moved 3500 miles to Alaska and even when he went to the other side of the world in Iraq. Only in Iraq instead of phone calls in was im's. It was a gift. A gift that sometimes I didn't even realize I had. I know it now and it is painfully clear from the silence of my cell phone. Anyway, that wasn't what I was really coming here to write about - but I got sidetracked. In one of our conversations, I remember complaining about Savannah and Sebastian. Something I probably did a lot. To be honest, the last few years were HARD in a lot of ways and I wasn't feeling all that great about the world. So, sometimes I was just plain and simple an Eeyore. So, Timmy asks me, "Why do you always complain about your kids... the ones you wanted so much?" It was pretty darn blunt... that was my boy... just like his mom. I sorta stopped and I said something to the effect that I was tired and stressed and did I mention... tired? He laughed at me. He said something about me getting old. Yep - that would be correct. I am older and more tired and more busy. So, I complained a lot about really nothing at all. Just to be complaining, I guess. In all the months I have been thinking about things, I try to find whatever good I can in this horrible journey I didn't ask to be on. One of the things that came to my mind was that I needed to enjoy Savannah and Sebastian more. The way I did Timmy. When we had Timmy - our lives were much, much simpler. We had pretty easy jobs, very little bills, not a whole lot of stress. Our life was predictable. For 9+ years we lived that way. I don't know why it changed, but it did. The day I found out Timmy had died, I did something that I still don't quite understand why or how. I went to the bookshelf and I got a book for Sebastian. I hadn't read him bedtime stories nearly his entire life. I am not exactly sure why I didn't, but I didn't. I had always read to Timmy and I read to Savannah until Sebastian came around. I didn't understand exactly why that came to my mind on that night. I was beyond numb and not thinking at all, but I thought enough to do that. Since then, I have been reading to him most nights. Earlier this week, I had some clarity on that when I remembered him asking me, "why do you always complain about the kids?" There IT was... the simple good that comes from the bad. When you lose a child you love more than your very own life, you need to make some sort of sense of it. I think that I have learned to enjoy my other kids more. That is not to say that I don't complain about them. Just ask my mom - she will tell you I still complain plenty. I will always have Eeyore deep down in me somewhere. I just try to do it less and less and I try to focus on what makes them the best gifts I could have ever received. That is finding good in the bad.

Soaking it all in...

2011-07-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

Back in June, we took the kids on a vacation to St. John Virgin Islands. Now if you have read my blog since the beginning, you know that Tim and I went there two other times without kids. We loved it both times. We spent a lot of the time saying things like, "Wow, Timmy would love this stingray or Savannah would have a blast feeding the iguanas!" Sebastian was just a baby the other times we went. It just didn't seem reasonable to take all the kids with Sebastian still being so small. So, we did what a lot of parents do... just talk about how great it would be for the kids to see it. And... there is nothing wrong with that. Nope, not one tiny little thing. BUT... for us that has changed. For a long time since our life got on a financial roller coaster in 2006 (trying to sell a house that would not sell, moving, layoffs, new job, etc) - I would dream about selling that darn FL house and taking all of us to St. John. That dream included Timmy too. I envisioned this great peace that would come from all the uncertainty we had been living in since late 2006. It was becoming clearer to me by the end of 2009 that we were not going to sell the FL house anytime soon, so my dreams of that vacation were quickly fading away. Timmy did something amazing though... he took us all to Walt Disney World. And we really did have a magical vacation as corny as that sounds. I had no idea that would be the last time we would spend with him. It is etched and soaked in my memories so deep. Lots of details I hold so close to my heart. Sometimes when my grief hurts so much, I think about how much fun we had walking around Epcot trying out all the different beer. I think about running to Splash Mountain with my kids. I try to grasp on so tight to the good memories and not the horrific ones of losing Timmy that flash through my mind. So, what does all this mean? Well, after some of the fog wore off and Tim and I started to see a bit more clear - we both felt very strongly about a time to relax and heal with our kids. One thing led to another and the next thing I know... we are off to St. John. Now, I firmly believe that you can enjoy your kids at a pond in your backyard or a tent at the local campground. It isn't where you are, but who you are with. Remembering back to traveling to Oklahoma when Timmy was in Basic Training... that was one of our best trips EVER. I think it was just because we were all so happy that the icing on that trip's cake was Timmy was at the very end of it waiting for us. Lawton Oklahoma is NOT an exciting place, but I think of that trip with the best and warmest of memories. But, somehow, taking our kids to St. John - a place we loved. A place that just clears your mind and soul. It was just what we needed. I sat on the beach many days and just watched my kids and my husband. I sware I memorized every inch of them. I would close my eyes and I would stick it away in the part of my heart that hurts so much. I wanted to just hold them in that moment for as long as I could. I sat and I talked to God - in my mind - lest you see a crazy woman on the beach talking to herself. I just told Him that I was trying my very best to understand that I will NEVER understand why Timmy had to go away, but I am going to trust that He had a reason beyond all imagination. I thanked Him for giving me the years and memories I had with Timmy and for giving me two other children to hang on to. I asked Him to help me keep going and doing the best I can. And when I was calm and rested, I sat back in my chair and I just watched quietly... I just soaked it all in...

Be a Tabitha...

2011-05-15T13:41:00.004-05:00

This is our Tabitha with Timmy!

Huh? What does my title mean? To some people in my family - they really are wondering because we have an amazing family member by the name of Tabitha. And while I do think it would be great to be like our very own Tabi - that is not what my title is talking about. Several months ago I heard a message at church about Tabitha in the Bible. Now, these days and most days - my memory is not that great. That day this message touched me and I wanted to blog about it then. I have no idea what keeps me from my blog now. I used to crave writing on it and even now - I write blog posts in my head. I just never sit down to type them up. Here I am many months later - cleaning the kitchen - and in my mind I am rolling that "Be a Tabitha" sermon in my head. Okay, I will get to telling you what it means now if you don't already know. I sure a lot of you already do know the story, but I sure didn't. So here goes... Pastor John was talking about Acts 9:32-43 - Calvary Chapel Lesson. He was talking about how this woman, Tabitha, had died. There were people gathered around her and they kept her with them. They did not take her to a tomb. They wanted to keep her with them and they begged Peter to BRING HER BACK! Tabitha was described as an amazing woman. She made clothes for the widows. She loved people and was just beautiful inside and out. When she died - it just tore these people apart. They could not believe that she could be gone and they WANTED HER BACK! Pastor John goes on to say that we should be the type of people that when we die that somebody WANTS US BACK! As I sat there listening to him, I thought about how many people want Timmy back. How many people has said this to me over and over. We just WANT HIM BACK! We didn't just want him back a year ago when he died, but we still want him back right now. I also thought a lot about my sister-in-law, Debi. Again - over 7 years later - if you talked to the many, many people she touched - they would say they WANT HER BACK! There are many people that have gone before me that I want back, but my mind stuck with them. I kept thinking that they were truly "Tabithas". They were beautiful on the inside and out. They loved people and gave anything they had to them. When people tell stories about them and all the good times they shared, they smile and they remember joy. I remember when Debi died - there were so many people at her memorial service. I sat in that church and just looked at all the people she had touched. I thought about that for awhile after - thinking I don't reach out to that many people by a long shot. Then when Timmy died - again - I sat in the limo at the cemetary and I watched. I watched as car after car drove into the cemetary. I watched all the lives he had touched in his short 21 years. A year later - the people that talk about him - they are spread from Alaska to Afghanistan to Florida to Illinois to South Carolina and a whole lot more places in between. So, what am I saying... I am saying that I want to be a "Tabitha". When I am gone - I want people to want me back. I want people to miss me and not because I have a big ego. I want them to important to me and I want to be important to them. Now, back to our very own - Tabi - she was named very well. She happens to be one of those "Tabithas" too. So, my question for today is "Are you being a Tabitha?" Are you teaching your children that no matter what their difficulty is that they can still be a good and kind person? There are a lot of days where I would like to give up and give in - hey my kid died - I want to lay down and die too! BUT and this is a BIG BUT - I CAN'T - because that would not be teaching my children how to be a "Tabitha". That would be teaching them how to be alone. So, I keep thinking about this and I hope you do too. Go out and be a Tabitha and find and give JOY even when you feel like you can't. Make somebody WANT YOU BACK! I love you Timmy and I will always want you back.

Joy, weddings, tornadoes, and choices...

2011-04-29T08:48:00.003-05:00

just went for a walk this morning. Amazing how I can get better clarity by leaving the house and walking around the block. Before I left for my walk, it was weighing heavily on me that it has been 50 weeks since I last talked to Timmy. 50 weeks since he died. Yes, I keep track of weeks. I guess as mothers we naturally keep track of weeks - like when we were pregnant. 50 weeks ago this morning, he called me around 10am - as he did a lot. It was his wake up time there and he would call to chat for a bit before his day started. He called me later on that afternoon to chat and I will forever regret that my last words to him were that I was busy and that I would call him back. The thing is that I know that there is not a DAMN thing I can do about that. So, I can continue to torture myself for that or I can choose something else. This morning, I am choosing something else. There is a lot of hoopla about the Royal Wedding that happened earlier this morning. I taped it on the DVR. Honestly, before now, I never paid much attention to William or Kate. Yesterday, the kids and I watched lots of shows about the wedding and history of the past. Savannah painted my toenails while I clipped coupons and Sebastian played with legos. It was a quiet and peaceful afternoon. Today, we are headed to the zoo with friends. Before we go - we are going to go take a peak at the wedding dress, but will have to watch the rest of it when we get back. It may seem silly since there are so many other things to think about. Here is the thing for me... I can choose to be sad. Lord knows my heart hurts all day everyday. I wish for a moment I could let people who don't know what it feels like to just feel it. It is this physical pain that is deep in your chest. It does not go away. So, as I was saying, I could give into it. I could sit and watch all the horrific news stories and wallow in how awful the world is and how life is not fair - afterall - my Timmy is dead. Or I can get up and take my Sebastian in my lap, hug him and say "Good Morning Bubba Luka". I can go walk around my neighborhood and be thankful that I live in a safe place and I have a body that carries me. I can watch the Royal Wedding with my daughter and giggle about what it might feel like to be a real live princess. It really is a choice to choose joy. That doesn't mean I won't continue to pray for tornado victims. I will, I do think about the fact that nearly 300 families have lost a loved one. I realize that means that there is another mom out there - just like me - feeling like her baby is so far away. My best advice for those people is to find joy and seek joy. Now, I need to get a shower and take a peak at that wedding dress and go to the zoo. Always missing my son, always wishing he were here, but choosing to find the JOY where I can.

The Kissing Hand

2011-03-08T22:41:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't written a blog post in months. My heart just hasn't been there. Tonight, Sebastian did something that I don't want to forget. These days, I couldn't even remember my phone number tonight. I worry that I will look back on this time and it will all be some fog. I will just remember the pain and not the happiness. A few months back, I read Sebastian a book called The Kissing Hand. Tonight, I was laying in bed with Sebastian. He asked if he could have my hand. He kissed my hand and said, "You'll have my kiss in your hand for when you are sad and missing Timmy. I love you so much momma." Then he just hugged me and kept giving me kisses. I do not know how I would survive if I didn't have these kids. Savannah is always there to hug me and hold me when I cry and then my sweet boy. I love these kids so much.

Walt Disney World and Mars...

2010-10-07T09:29:00.004-05:00

When Tricia Gabehart Riley and I were 5 years old, she took a trip to Walt Disney World. At that time, we spent every summer playing together EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Her family very rarely went on a long vacation. When they said FLORIDA - it felt like they were saying MARS. I remember hugging her in the driveway and feeling like the world just might end. Soon a post card from WDW arrived. It as Pooh Bear in front of the castle. I carried that card around until the long two weeks came to an end. She arrived home and we ran across our front yards. She had a Mickey Mouse cup with ears and a straw for me. She also had a Shamu stuffed animal for her. I remember asking her, "Who is Shamu?". When I was 19, Tim and I went to Magic Kingdom for the very first time on our 1 year anniversary. We didn't bring Timmy - just us! I was so excited to finally go to the place I had dreamed about since I was 5. Over the next 17 years, our family was very blessed to go to Disney many, many times. Tricia never made it back to Disney since the time she was 5. On Halloween, we will be meeting each other in WDW. Her daughter's birthday is November 2nd. We are going to go trick or treating in Magic Kingdom. I carry around pain in my heart all day, every day - but this morning I am so excited that I am going to that MARS place with my best friend!

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2010-08-23T08:06:00.005-05:00

I have actually written about where I grew up before, but it has been on my mind a lot lately. Partially because of the song above and partially because sometimes when I think about escaping reality, I think about going "home". Home for me was 3 Scarsdale Road in Boulder Hill. We moved there when I was 2. I remember doing summersalts on the green carpet in the upstairs living room. The house was empty and seemed so big. My life that I remember began there. I met my best friend, started school, learned to read, went to girl scouts, had lemonade stands, played school, met my first and only love and brought Timmy home there. Most of my memories from 3 Scarsdale Road are amazing. I am one of the lucky ones that can say that. I have very few bad memories from growing up. My parents loved me. They loved my friends and they loved Tim. I remember sitting on the stairs watching out the big picture window when there was something on my mind or bothering me. It was like a secret hiding place even though it was fully visible. I could fit on that stair and just look at the world go by. I have thought about sitting there a lot. It would be peaceful to sit there right now and watch the world go by. I just went home to Illinois, but I didn't go past the house. I thought about it, but just didn't do it. When Tim and I got pregnant with Timmy when I was 16, this was the home I came to. My mom and dad didn't kick me out or anything like that. They made a home for Timmy. I remember his room. It had paneling, so my sister-in-law, Debi told me to use wrapping paper to cut out some wall hangings. I used Snoopy with balloons. I cut out the words "Timmy's Room" and added some paper balloons. I am just now realizing that Sebastian had Snoopy crib bedding. I must have a Snoopy issue I didn't realize I had. I guess my want to escape there is that is where I first had Timmy. Not all was right with the world. My dad was very sick. It was a hard time after I had Timmy, but Timmy brought so much happiness. There is a part in this song that says,

"I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself"

Every time I hear that part, it makes me cry. I think that when I went home to Illinois that I hoped that it would help the pain. It did some. My friends and family are amazing. I am so incredibly blessed to have two childhood friends that get me. They let me be who I need to be and they don't run away. They remember when Timmy was just a crazy plan that Tim and I had. They remember summer driver's ed and morning sickness. They remember me having a baby in high school and never even for a minute stopping our friendship. I don't think it helped heal me though. I think I came away just as broken as I was before. If not a bit more because I saw how so much had changed there. My baby wasn't there anymore than he is here. You really can't go home to fix the brokenness inside, but you can go home to for a moment feel the love of family.

Sisters...

2010-08-18T10:33:00.002-05:00

I know I just posted about my friends, but I just got this in an email from a friend. Seen it before, but somehow the words are ringing in my ears today. I had a wonderful week with my oldest friends. I sat in TGIFridays and cried to Jorge she just held my hand and listened. I drove through cornfields and Tricia understood exactly how the loss of a child felt. She let me cry and hugged me. I do not know what I would do without my family and friends right now or ever.

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced
tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about
marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and
turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised, swirling the tea
leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get
older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you
love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.
Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.

"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...your
girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.

"You'll need other women. Women always do."

What a funny piece of advice, the young woman thought. Haven't
I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a
married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the
family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!

But she listened to her mother. She kept in contact with her
Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled
by,one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really
knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and
their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After many years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what Sisters do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Careers end.

BUT--------
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles
are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk
it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim,
cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,
and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you.
Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters,
sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins,and extended
family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the
incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.
Author unknown

The alarm clock (or lack of one)

2010-08-08T22:32:00.002-05:00

This is going to sound like a silly post. I wanted to find a time to blog all week, but I just didn't get there. One of the mornings, I was laying there in bed thinking about my blog. It occurred to me that one of my very favorite things about my life is a simple luxury that most do not have. Sleep. I pretty much get 9 hours of sleep a night. That was never the case when I worked outside the home. I was either up early or working late into the night. These days, the alarm goes off for Tim at 5:30. That is the first one. I turn it off and we cuddle for 15 minutes until the second alarm goes off. We started that routine over 10 years ago and we still love it. Then, typically, I scoot him out of bed. These days I am getting up and taking Scout (our chiuaua) out. I hate that, but I am doing it. Then I go back to sleep for a good two hours (okay, sometimes 3... but I try to be up in 2.) That is a sweet, sweet luxury and I guess I would call it an every day blessing to me because I love waking up on my own time. Sebastian comes in lots of mornings and sneaks into Tim's spot. He is always so sweet and snuggly. Again one of my very favorite times of the day when he snuggles up to me and gives me a big kiss. Just awesome! So, while lots of people are getting up to alarms this next week or so and rushing their kids off to school... I will be snuggling with my hubby and then with my little Bubba Luka. Simply perfect.

My girl has got a groove...

2010-07-31T20:29:00.003-05:00

Here is something that makes me SMILE. Savannah sings this song from the back of the van. I can see her in my child mirror. She sorta sways her head to the music and has the groove. My girl has rhythm. I have no idea where she got it from because neither Tim nor I have it. She knows the words to everything and can get the beat just perfect. Every time I hear this song, it makes me smile because I see her just letting herself be free and happy! Oh and the video is pretty funny too!

“When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.”

2010-07-30T22:00:00.005-05:00

I have had many friends in my life. I met my first friend when I was 2 - Tricia or Patty or whatever she may want to be called today. She was and still is one of my best friends. There were other friends on and off growing up. Then I met Jorgena when I was 12. Yep, she is still my best friend. Both of these friends live in Illinois - where we grew up. They will always be my friends. I call them all the time because I am a chatty phone person. I like to talk on the phone while I clean my house. It is a relaxing thing for me. I met Debi before we moved to FL. We were sister in laws, but we were best friends too. Then there are the friends I have in Florida. Cindy - she is always taking care of me. I don't know what I would do without her. She helped be plan Timmy's funeral. I didn't know what to do or who to call and it seemed that every decision was just too huge for me to figure out. I called her and she didn't hesitate to help me. Then there is Vickie, Mazie and Susie and a newish friend Heidi that helped with everything. They are amazing friends that love me. I also have friends I used to work with that are still my friends even though I haven't worked in 4 years. Linda and Anita are always there when I need them. I had old friends that came to Timmy's service. I was in awe of people I hadn't seen in years, but they came. When I moved here, I was so lonely. I missed my friends. I have lots of family here, but they are busy with their lives. I missed the kind of connection of getting together on a weekday afternoon to talk about nothing or everything. As I said, I am a chatty person. I crave talking to people. I don't do well if I can't talk and talk and talk some more. I have met the most amazing people here. Christina - she is so wise for being younger. She is always there to tell me it is okay. April - she is a nut and makes me laugh. Sam - quiet, but cares so much. There are so many more friends here. I am getting to know more and more wonderful and amazing women each day I am here. They are kind to me and send me emails and messages that are so comforting. I went bowling today and met up with two ladies I don't know well, but they were so sweet to me. I have Laurie who is more of family than a friend. She is just fun to hang out with. Of course, I have my mom and my sister. They are family, but they are my best friends. Years ago, when Timmy was about 3, I had a friend named Beth. She was single and we had nothing in common really. But she was my good friend for many years. My only real friend I had in Florida for a long time. Something happened with her and she pulled away from everyone. I was so lonely for friends. I began to homeschool and that opened up a whole world of possibilities. People always talk about socialization for homeschooled kids. I don't think most people realize that homeschooling also provides amazing friendships for the moms. And even the dads. I don't know what I would do without all of my friends right now. I have had a very hard time these last few days. Today, when I went bowling, I could feel my friends willing me to give myself time to heal. I also got emails today from other friends with the kindest words and offer of help in any way. And there was the phone call today with my very first friend, Tricia. She left her kids, jumped on a plane and stood by my side while I buried my son. She lets me cry and make no sense when we talk. If I didn't mention your name, it doesn't mean you are not my friend. There are so many people that are right there for me. I can't imagine my life without all of these amazing people.

ETA - I lay in bed in the wee hours of the morning - thinking I didn't write about my sweet friend, Michelle, from Florida. How did I not write about her? I have no idea! She has been there to help me way back since Debi died. She opened her scrapbooking nights to me and it was just what I need. She did all the work for the church part of Timmy's service. I didn't forget you, Michelle, I promise!

Fears

2010-07-24T17:57:00.002-05:00

I have a lot of fears, lately. Worries and fears. I spend a lot of time rolling them over and over in my head. One of my biggest fears is that everyone will forget Timmy. My logical side tells me this is not so. I also tell myself does it really matter if people forget him. Does it change anything if people forget him? Not really, but the pain it brings is all encompassing. I know that I haven't forgotten Debi. Sometimes I think that is because her kids are walking around right in front of me. How could I forget her? Then I realize even before I lived here, Debi was always on my mind. I didn't go a day without thinking about her. Still... I worry that Timmy will just be somebody that people will say something about once in awhile. He is my son! He was my hope and my dreams and my joy! He is not just somebody that is gone. So, I worry. I worry that Sebastian will not remember how much he loved him. How wonderful he was and how big of a heart he had. I worry he won't know what an amazing human being he was. I can show him videos and pictures all day long, but he won't remember the details. I go through my day trying to keep things in balance. I know he would want me to be happy and to share happiness with our family. I know this because I know that is how he lived. This past week, a few of of his friends have shared details with me about how Timmy changed their lives. Even a mom said how helped her son not be afraid of the Chick Fil A cow. Simple and silly, but has so much meaning to me. I realized they miss him and they love him too. That he won't be forgotten. He will live in their hearts. I wish I could tell my fear to just go away and stay away, but it doesn't work. I am so grateful to those that share their stories with me. It helps ease the fears and is one of many crazy everyday blessings .

Shopping with my girl...

2010-07-19T21:24:00.002-05:00

I am a Kohls shopping addict. I have one department store credit card and it is for Kohls. If you use your card (and pay it off in full every month) you get FANTASTIC coupons for 30% off of everything including clearance. This past weekend, I took my mom to buy some things with that amazing coupon. I got Savannah up like 10 minutes before we were leaving because I thought we might find some great clearance. It took her no time to jump out of bed when she heard shopping for clothes might be involved. We found a couple pairs of jeans that came out to around $6 after clearance and coupon! Awesome! We were all starving and had to stop looking at the racks. The very next day, Sunday, I decided that Savannah and I should hit our other Kohls out by the mall on the off chance there were some more jeans. We rarely go out just the two of us. We almost always have Sebastian, my mom and my sister along for any shopping trip. But this Sunday, it was just me and my girl. We had a lot of fun looking through the clearance racks and oohhhinngg and ahhhhiinnggg over the great deals. We filled our cart and headed to the dressing room. I lounged on the sofa while she put on a fashion show! I was sitting and remembering back to modeling jeans for my mom when I was in high school. We had so much fun shopping for those clothes. Now I was sitting here with my little girl doing the same thing. My mind would linger between outfits. I thought about Timmy telling me how grown up she was looking. He kept asking me why she as growing up so quick these days. I told him that is just how it works. You blink and they bloom! I thought about how I had prayed for a girl. I wanted a girl so we could do things like go shopping for clothes together. I have been angry at God these days. I miss Timmy in every breathe I take. I sat there and watched my beautiful girl giggle and smile ear to ear over trying on clothes. I was a little less angry with God as I watched her. I wonder if I will ever feel complete joy again. I read message boards looking for my answer. Most say you won't ever feel complete happiness again when you lose a child. You get bits and pieces of it. Sunday, in a Kohls dressing room with my sweet Savannah was a bit and piece of happiness. She has a smile that can melt my heart and she has the love that gets me through my day. She is my girl. The girl I asked God for and He answered my prayer.

Sebastian, rain, a new day...

2010-07-16T16:26:00.005-05:00

I haven't blogged in nearly a year. Several times over the past year, Timmy asked why I wasn't blogging. I think he actually looked forward to my blogs. I told him I was too busy. I was not inspired or whatever. He asked me to blog about Rose - Patrick's daughter. He asked me to blog about Patrick's wedding. He wanted me to find pictures from when they were little and put them with the new ones. For whatever reason, I told him I didn't have time. The last thing I said to Timmy was that I was busy and I would call him back. This has echoed in my mind for 2 months.

The other day I found this website that will make your blog into a book. I clicked on the demo for my blog. I was amazed at what I saw. I flipped though the pages and happily remembered daily things that I probably would have forgotten. It inspired me. It made me happy (and sad).

I started my blog many years ago because I was battling sadness over missing my sister-in-law, Debi. When she passed away, I missed our daily chats on the computer. I found blogging to be a way to express all my thoughts. I tried to focus on the Crazy Everyday Blessings. Now, I miss talking to Timmy every day. I would tell him all the little and BIG stuff. He was my best friend. I shared all my things with him.

So... I am hoping to blog a bit more. I am sad that I missed so much time. I am sad that those memories may be gone forever.

My first thing I want to remember is Sebastian saving me from the rain. Yesterday, we went to our friend, Wendy's. We left in the rain and it steadily got worse. It was horrible! When we got home, the kids made a run for it to the house. They had swim suits on. I did not. I sat in the quiet van for a few minutes. Sort of enjoying the peace and quiet. Then to my amazement, Sebastian came walking out of the house. He had changed his clothes and brought me an umbrella! He had the biggest smile on his face. He was so proud to RESCUE me! I want to remember that smile down the road. My hero!

My last baby starts school today...

2009-08-10T07:27:00.002-05:00

We start school today. It is my 11th year of homeschooling. Savannah will be in 6th grade and Sebastian will be starting Kindergarten. I didn't plan it that way. Savannah's birthday is October 2nd. She really missed the cutoff and should be in 5th grade. When she was just about 5, I started her in school because she was ready. I was anxious to do all the cute stuff for a younger student. I started homeschooling Timmy in 5th grade, so I missed the early years of homeschooling. While it has been fine that Savannah started early, sometime last year I began to wish I hadn't started her early simply because it means she will be done with school a year earlier. All of a sudden I realized how fast she is growing up and I happy I would be if she were still in 5th grade this year. Academically, she really could fall into the 5th grade on some things, but past the 6th grade for others. So - in the end - she will move on from high school when she is ready - not because we will say she has completed 12th grade. That brings me to Sebastian. His birthday is September 30th. So, I faced the same decision with him. Pretty much since the beginning, I planned to keep him on the public school time table meaning that he would not start school until he was actually nearly 6 years old. He misses the cut off by 30 days this year, so he technically wouldn't be heading off to K right now. Well... the plans of mice and men... The boy is learning to read all on his own from absolutely NO HELP from me. I love all my children and they all have special gifts. Sebastian has a gift for learning and learning quickly. With many months of thought, I decided to start him with Kindergarten only I am not sure I am going to call him Kindergarten on paper. I guess I will still put him in his age level at church and for activities. I don't really know. What I do know is today my last baby is going to start school with us. Time sure does fly. Just yesterday I was walking Timmy home from Kindergarten calling him Timmy Pokey Molasses because he walked so slow. Actually - that yesterday - was 15 years ago. Time goes too fast.

Happy 4th...

2009-07-04T09:15:00.005-05:00

Today is the Fourth of July. I would bet this is my oldest son's favorite holiday. He LOVES, LOVES, LOVES fireworks. So much that he sent money to his dad to buy fireworks so his little brother wouldn't be "deprived" of the excitement. When Timmy was a little boy he and his dad would "sneak" off to spend some ridiculous amount of money on fireworks. Then they would put on quite the show. I had to put my mom nerves aside and let them be. This was very tough for me. Over the years, it just became part of the holiday. I don't know that we ever actually celebrated the 4th of July thinking about the freedom it represented. I don't know if I actually even ever discussed it with my son. Sure, we covered history in school. He knew about the Declaration of Independence. I just don't think on the day of lots of food, fun and fireworks - did I ever once mention our country's freedom. Strange how that is, huh?

Last night, Tim pulled up a video for the song Bad Boys that is the theme for the Cops TV show. I guess my nephews were making a video and had titled it Bad Boys. That got him thinking about the song and he pulled it up. Sebastian was dancing around like a fool. I started to cry. Yep - that's a surprise - me crying. Tim asked what was wrong. I asked him he remembered Timmy dancing around like a fool to that song. He thought for a moment and then he did. Sebastian has the same dancing ability that Timmy used to have. It is the "I am going to kick the crap out of somebody" dance routine. Crazy!

I miss my son. I never, ever thought that there would be a 4th of July that he would be on the other side of the world fighting for the very FREEDOM the 4th of July represents. I never thought that I could miss him so much that my heart just hurts. I am so proud of him. We are all proud of him. Tim is going to take Sebastian and Savannah out in a little while to buy fireworks with that money Timmy sent. Then tonight, Sebastian is going to try to get right up there and light them. We are going to have to tell him 5000 times that he is not allowed to be that close. He will argue with us. He will tell us he is BIG and CAN DO IT. He will squeal as the fireworks light off into the air. He will jump around with excitement. And I will put my mom feelings aside and let him enjoy his night. I will tell him that his brother is a STRONG and PROUD SOLDIER in the US ARMY. I will tell him that he is serving his country and making sure that freedom remains intact. I won't forget to tell him about freedom and let him think it is just about burgers, swimming and fireworks. We will pray for all of of soldiers that keep us safe. God bless them and their families.

These days are busy...

2009-06-08T10:00:00.003-05:00

My sister bought him some sunglasses to take to Floriday. We were waiting at Publix and he kicked back on the hammock. I guess that means it is summer - time to relax and have some fun!

As often as I hope to blog, I have something dragging me away. I thought summer would mean less on my plate, but the truth is that June is insanely busy! I don't have much on the calendar for July, but I am sure that is set to change rapidly. I have probably lost all of my readers because I have become that awful blogger I used to whine about. The one that sucked me into reading about her family that I didn't even know and THEN she just went away. I was like - EXCUSE ME - I have gotten used to starting my day reading your blog. How dare you abandon me like this? Yep, that is me. I think I put my finger on when my blogging went downhill. Sebastian stopped taking naps. Yep. Now, I go - go - go all day. I don't have a lot of free time that I can actually think. I have some free time, but I am pretty brain dead and then I just read other people's blogs and feel guilty about not writing on my own. Maybe I will get it together, but I am not sure.

In other news... we are in Florida! Savannah and I are here to go camping with her girl scout troop. Yes, I AM INSANE!!! Who drives from SC to FL to go camping for girl scouts? ME! Waving my hand in the air over here. Why would I do such a thing? Well, because we love our friends. They have been our friends for so long and we miss them. When we are with them, we feel joy and let's face it - life isn't always full of joy. You have to take it when you can get it. So, we are taking our joy and going camping for a few days. We will be canoeing and doing archery. We will be heading to Weeki Wachee Springs for the Mermaid Show and water park. We will eat some junk food (I am sure of it!). We will just enjoy ourselves and hopefully make some awesome memories that we will remember for years and years to come. It is an all girl holiday and I am looking forward to some time with my favorite girl. Tim will be at his parents hanging with Sebastian. They have some pretty big fishing plans. I don't know what else, but I am forcing myself to LET GO and just not worry about what Sebastian is doing. He will be fine. Dad will take good care of him and it will all be good. Do I sound convincing?

We went to the beach, yesterday. It was nice. I have pictures, but I can't get them on the computer. I was having a mini-panic attack that I had messed up all of our lives and we should have stayed in Florida. I am better now thanks to talking to my sister, Michelle. She talked me down from my panic attack. I have blog worthy stories to tell about that and more. I need to ask Keith for his wi-fi password when I get back. Maybe I could blog while Sebastian swims. Maybe there is a blog answer ahead! Gotta run! Lots of memory making needs to begin soon!

Good friends...

2009-05-02T09:41:00.003-05:00

Tricia (or Patty as some of you know her as) and Me!!!

This is another "trip to Illinois" post. One of the main reasons I wanted to go to Illinois was to see my friends. These are my friends I grew up with. They are home. They are actually where I did begin in many ways. Tricia and I have been friends since we were 2 years old. We don't remember ever not being friends. She is my sister - my family. When I think of her I feel love. Sometimes we don't talk for awhile. There have been times when we haven't talked for close to a year. It doesn't matter - we are family. At this point - we hadn't seen each other in almost 6 years. She had never met Sebastian and I had yet to see her new baby boy, Shaun. When I got to Illinois - as luck would have it - her whole family was working on a remodeling project at the tanning salon they own. I waited for a little while and then her mom came to get me. I walked into the place and we just hugged and hugged some more. Then the tears came and I couldn't imagine why we had let 6 years go by without seeing each other. When I was a kid, I would have never thought we would go a week without seeing each other. I remember when I went to Wisconsin for 2 weeks. I thought the world would end because we would be apart for so long. We had a nice and exciting visit. Some of the excitement wasn't all that pleasant, but I am sure that is why God sent me to Illinois at this particular time. I was there for a reason and I am glad I was there at exactly that time.

Jorgena with her son, TJ.

My other bestest friend in the whole wide world is Jorgena aka Jorge. I have written about her before. We met when we were were 12 - nearly 25 years ago. Again, she is my family. She probably thinks I am nuts because she is not as mushy as I am. With Jorge - I have been lucky enough to see her quite a bit over the years. Her inlaws live in Florida and she would visit at least once a year. We would meet and spend the day shopping. I loved those days. Unfortunately, I now miss them because I am in SC now. It had been quite awhile since I had seen her and I was really excited to spend some time with her. We were talking a few times a month until she recently quit her job to be a full time stay at home mom. Now, I bug her once a week and babble on and on. I love her! I love talking with her and sharing stuff. I don't know why God gave me such good friends when I was young, but I am forever grateful. Jorge graciously opened her home to me and my kids. We pretty much moved in for a week and her family made us feel so welcomed. It was nice to have a place to go and just hang out with a good friend. I don't know if there are the right words to express how great of a friend she is. She is just always there, never judging, always listening.

Jorgena, Tricia, Me, Cari and Sebastian (who didn't want to get out of the picture!)

And... thanks to Facebook... I was able to meet up with an old friend that I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years. Her name is Cari - just like mine except with a C. We were good friends in High School. We actually were pregnant at the same time. Yes, we really were nice girls - just a little off the track. She had a beautiful daughter a few months before I had Timmy. She found me on Facebook a few months ago and I told her that I would let her know if I was ever back in town. She came and met us for dinner on my last night there. Tricia and Jorgena were friends with her in High School as well, so we all had a nice time together. Something that struck me as funny though was that Cari never had anymore children. Her daughter is all grown up. I, on the other hand, had Savannah and Sebastian with me. Sebastian had to poop to be BLUNT. All through dinner, he kept urgently telling me that he needed to go potty. I would jump up quickly - fearing a nasty accident - and run him off to the bathroom. After several attempts - nothing. I felt like a jack in the box - the way I kept jumping up during dinner. I apologized I don't know how many times and Cari was sweet. Finally, he was "done" and settled for a moment. Then there was Savannah that desperately wanted to talk and talk and talk some more. I sat and looked at how calm Cari was. It just made me giggle. I love my kids and I know without a doubt this is exactly what I wanted for my life. Sometimes it is nice to think about how calm I might actually be if I had just had Timmy though. Just for a second and then I am right back to being thankful for all of my kids and all of the chaos.

Visit with Great Grandma in Illinois...

2009-05-01T08:49:00.005-05:00

Goofy boy on a Cow!

The kids with Great Grandma Gladys.

More ice cream pictures on my blog, imagine that!

She did one with a normal smile, but I like this one better.

While were were in Illinois, we got to have lunch with the kids' great grandma. Grandma Gladys is Tim's maternal grandmother. We met her at Colonial Ice Cream one day. I asked my friend, Jorgena to go along because we were staying with her. The minute I told her Colonial - she started to laugh. I was like, "What the heck is your problem?" Then I remembered. Colonial has some very odd memories for us. When we were teenagers her mom took us there from time to time. It just seemed like we went there after some kind of drama. Yes - my life was full of drama even back then. I will share one incident, but will keep the other to myself! Sorry, some secrets need to remain in the past. Anyway, the summer I was pregnant with Timmy - I spent a lot of time with Jorgena and her mom. It was because I LOVED my friend and maybe a little about the fact that she had air conditioning and my house didn't. So, one afternoon when it was blazing hot, we went to the tanning salon. The ac was broken. I sat in the waiting room and waited. I was getting so hot and I had the worst morning/all day sickness. Her mom, Sandy, sent me down to the White Hen Pantry to get something to drink. I was obsessed with Hawaiian Punch at this stage of my pregnancy. I gulped down this huge bottle of the stuff. Then we get in the car and Sandy (a part-time realtor at the time) proceeds to drive around town looking at houses. I am getting sicker by the moment. I am also a pretty shy person back then and hate to say - STOP DRIVING AROUND BEFORE I TOSS MY COOKIES!!! I am trying so hard to not throw up and then all of a sudden it is OVER!!! Before I even realize it is happening, I am throwing up HAWAIIAN PUNCH on the backseat floor of Sandy's husband's new car. Yep! I did it! It was so gross! I admit it. Sandy has no idea I am pregnant. The only people who know are Jorgena and Tim. She is so sweet and just takes me to her house and sends me to the bathroom. My friend, Jorgena is left to help her clean up the car. Yes, I still owe her for that one. Did I happen to mention that Sandy's husband is a super jerk. I mean he hated us! So, I throw up in his new car. Great! I come down, the car is clean, life it grand and Sandy announces that she feels we need to go to Colonial for dinner. That was the last time I had been there - nearly twenty years ago. Back to the present - we arrive at Colonial and meet Tim's grandma. Sebastian was silly as always. I had to get them ice cream because well, Colonial has great ice cream. It was a nice visit and I am glad we got to do it.

2009-04-30T23:04:00.003-05:00

This past Monday, my sister-in-law, Karen and I were at Girl Scouts with Savannah and Karis. I was talking to one of the other moms there. I was telling how Tim had been laid off last week, blah, blah, blah. This mom is one of the sweetest people I know and she was really concerned. She very kindly asked if I was okay. I told her I sat in my closet and cried for about 30 minutes and then I came out. Our conversation went on to reveal that I wasn't always this calm about things. Nope, not in the least. A few years ago, I would have been in a full on panic over a lay off. Two unemployed adults with not one house payment, but two! That would have been enough to send me right over the edge. No doubt about it. Karen joined in the conversation and compared my life to treading water. She said I had been treading water for quite some time. I agreed with her that I feel like I have been treading water since my layoff at the end of 2006. She said was so funny the way she was saying that I am just treading, treading, treading and then SHARK!!!! SHARK!!! SHARK!!! oh, okay... treading, treading, treading, treading, treading - OH NO!!! SHARK!!! SHARK!!! SHARK!!! treading, treading, treading... When she said this I just laughed. It was so funny and yet so incredibly true. It seems like we have just been trying to move forward for so very long and every week or so it seems that there is a barracuda, or a swordfish or an all out hungry shark waiting in the midst. I have played her words in my mind all week long and each time I tell somebody about it, it just makes me laugh again. I have to say that even though it has been hard, it always somehow works out. No doubt about it, that it has worked out. God has been good to us and I will just have to keep treading and hope that my beautiful and peaceful sea turtle is waiting for me at the end of this long, long journey.

More snow pictures...

2009-04-23T10:19:00.003-05:00

We are off to field day with our homeschool friends, but I wanted to upload more stuff. I looked at my new blog layout and noticed it showed total number of posts by year. You can see my total has tanked this year! So, I am aiming to get blogging. Here are more photos from our one day of snow in Illinois.

He was so funny! I loved his silly face in this one!

Her very first snowman - EVER!!!

Making his first snow angel.

Isn't it pretty when you know it will only be there for one day?

Illinois Snow in April

2009-04-22T23:01:00.003-05:00

I know I said I would be back earlier today. It just seems that my life is so extremely busy these days. I have all the intentions in the world of blogging, preparing for a garage sale, doing school, putting laundry away, baking 50 cupcakes, doing my Wii Fit and the list just goes on and on and on. It seems that somehow my life is more busy. I can't put my finger on it though. I was always busy when I lived in Florida, but somehow I had more time. I don't know what the difference is. I was thinking maybe it was because I have a bigger house and have more to clean. Then I thought maybe it is that my blogging has tapered off since last August when Sebastian stopped taking naps. I think there may be a little truth in both of those things. Whatever the reason may be - I feel like I never have all the time I need to do all the things I want. It is after midnight and I have a busy day tomorrow, but I wanted to start the Illinois stuff on here. So, for tonight - there is a video from our snow day in Illinois. I could hardly believe it was snowing in April. Before we left, I had read that snow was possible, but I didn't really believe it. We arrived shortly after 4pm and by 5pm it was snowing. I looked out the big picture window in my friend's mom's house and there it was. It was so pretty. I remembered back to when Timmy was 8 years old. We were in Illinois on November 1st, 1997 and it snowed then. It was quite an early snow. Now, here we were with my other kids and they got quite a late snow! They were thrilled! Absolutely amazed! Sebastian tried to walk on water. He didn't realize the ice on the koi pond wouldn't hold him. Oops! He was in for quite a surprise! I don't ever want to live where it snows, but I was really happy my kids got a chance to play in it just for a day. We will have to go back for a snow day when Sebastian is older so he has a better chance of remembering it. I hopefully will get more pictures up soon.

Looking like I am skipping the whole month of April too...

2009-04-22T09:22:00.001-05:00

Not intentionally! I have many, many pictures and things to share from my trip to Illinois. I am supposed to be getting ready for a garage sale today. I think I will set a goal to filling X amount of garage sale boxes and then I will reward myself with coming back to play on my blog. That is my hope! Come back later today!

I skipped the whole month of March...

2009-04-03T08:14:00.002-05:00

Tim II in Iraq

I started my blog 3 years ago - today. I blogged faithfully for most of those years. Then all of a sudden I just didn't want to blog. I think it was a mix of things. Many things. Some will sound whiny and I apologize in advance. The last couple of months have been really hard for me. I think the top and foremost thing was having Timmy leave. I know he left to Oklahoma and I actually did super well. When he left for Alaska, I pretty much did a nosedive with my feelings. I was in a total and absolute funk. He left on a Friday and by Monday morning he called to tell me he was going to Iraq on his dad's birthday. My nosedive just went below sea level at that point. I wanted to stay in my sweats and hide in my bedroom. I am not a depressed type of person by nature. Most of the time I can just brush it off. This time I just couldn't. One weekend afternoon, Tim asked me to come sit with him outside. He point blank asked me if I was depressed. I thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I think I am!" I went on to tell him that I just didn't know how to deal with my child leaving. He did what he always does and he just listened. I built up so much fear over Timmy leaving for Iraq. I wasn't sleeping and I was just so worried. There were a lot of other things going on - Florida house stuff (Will it ever end?), Tim job stuff, feeling isolated from friends stuff and a to do list a mile long. Slowly things started to seem better - not that anything really changed all that much. Timmy left for Iraq and he seems okay. I get to talk to him on the phone or IM everyday. So far, he is staying put working for the battalion commander. Doesn't thrill him, but makes me very happy. The FL house stuff is the same or probably worse, but I just can't do much about it. I am fixing loan interest rates that will hopefully give us a little more breathing room. (I hope!) Friends - well I didn't see a fix for this coming not in the least bit. I am lucky to have my sister-in-law, Karen here and we have a lot of things in common. The rest of the family is pretty hit or miss as far as really connecting and I guess just "chatting" as Debi and I used to call it. I was pretty down because I thought that if I lived here, we would all become very close and after a year - I have realized that is not happening. It really made me miss Debi because things would be so very different if I had gotten to live next door to her while she was here. Many times here, I feel like I am somehow out of the loop or just not welcome to things. That is hard when you live right next to so many people. I don't think it is earth shattering - I just think I was hoping I would be close with all of the women I live by. I decided I just needed to be thankful that Karen is always there with a smile and willing to talk to me. I had been praying for a solution and then I found a homeschool park day. Wow! I have met the most interesting and chatty bunch of ladies. I absolutely LOVE it! And the kids love it! A couple of weeks we met with them twice a week and a then this past week we met with them at an amazing park day. We stayed for 5 hours and just had the best time. I felt like I climbed so far out of my hole just from connecting with people that wanted to share their lives with others. I am so thankful for an answered prayer. So, I think I may be ready to start blogging again. I really want to have some kind of record for my kids. I want to post pictures for Timmy to see and I want to feel my creative side of writing again. I just needed a whole month to be down for once. I hope I don't need that again anytime soon. I hope you will stick with me through this! Thanks! (Oh and Happy Birthday Leann!)

Just another day...

2009-02-20T18:41:00.002-05:00

Today is just another day for so many people. It is Friday to them. It is payday or maybe it is the start of the weekend. Whatever it means to them - it is just another day. Today - for me - is the day my oldest son moved to Alaska. We drove to Charlotte in the wee hours of the morning. It was barely 4am. We talked a little bit here and there. I found myself thinking back to taking him to pre-k for the first time. That same lump in my heart appeared. Taking him to pre-k was just another day too. I took him to his class and he was so happy to be there. He was the same age that Sebastian is now. I went out to my car and I cried. I cried so hard that I was sobbing. I remember driving down East Bay and looking at people in their cars. To them it was just a typical Monday morning. They had no idea why that crazy young woman was sobbing at the stoplight. This morning, I looked at my son wearing his hoodie. He is off to Alaska and yet he doesn't have a winter coat or gloves or a hat. I felt like I needed to tell him to put his coat on and zip it up. It was cold in NC this morning and by the time he flies from NC to GA to TX to WA to finally ALASKA it will be freezing. It didn't matter that he will be 20 in less than two weeks. It didn't matter that he is a soldier. I looked at my boy and thought how much he needed a coat and gloves. He assured me they would issue him a parka. I asked if he could get one on Saturday because I can't imagine him waiting until Monday. He said yes, but I think with the hint of "I am just saying this for you mom" in his voice. I left him at the airport and made my way home. It was just another day of highway drivers. My mind has thought of so many days over the last twenty years. The way I cried when he walked his baby walker down the stairs. Then there was that funny day that he picked up a fish off the ground. He put it on his fish hook and came home to trick me. He told me he caught the fish. I got my camera and took a very proud picture. Only later did he tell me that he had fooled me. That was just a typical spring day when he was about 8 years old. As we were driving last night, he mentioned the huge raccoon on the side of road. The minute he said raccoon, I thought of our camping trip in High Springs. The raccoons tried to eat our s'more stuff. On one of those days of camping, Timmy hand fed a deer. I held my breath as he did it. All of those days seem so far away and yet like they were just yesterday. So, today is just another day. It is a day where I miss my child so much that the tears are just a second away. I am proud of him and I know he has to go. I just wish it wasn't so far away. If you see me driving down the road - crying at a stoplight - it is because it is just another day that my son is so far away.

My kids...

2009-02-18T09:57:00.003-05:00

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When Tim II was on leave in December, I took them to get the pictures done. I had ordered special outfits for Savannah and Sebastian to coordinate with Tim II's uniform. You may recognize Sebastian's outfit as his Halloween costume because he went as what he called an "Army guy". I was so pleased with the way the pictures turned out. I have been getting my kids pictures done since Timmy was 5 days old. I think I counted and I have been to about 40ish photo sittings between all the kids. There have been a few family ones here and there too. Needless to say, I have experience with portrait studios. The woman at our Columbia SC JC Penny's is amazing as was the man who did these pictures. I have had years where the pictures are just okay. This year, I have loved all of the kids pictures. I have them hanging on my wall and each time I look at them - I am just overwhelmed that I have been given these kids. I mean - who knew? Who knew that when I knocked on Tim's door over 22 years ago that some day I would be getting our 3 kids pictures done together. Who knew that my heart would feel such pride when I look at our oldest child in his US Army uniform? Who knew that my little guy would look so much like his big brother? Who knew that my daughter would have a smile that brings me pure joy? I surely didn't see all this. I hoped and I prayed for a family, but I didn't know for sure. God is AWESOME!

Gratitude...

2009-02-12T21:20:00.002-05:00

I know... I know... I haven't been writing. I want to. I do. I just haven't had the time or the energy. We went to Florida for 10 long, tedious days. Ugh! It was a lot of work. Something we would both like to forget. Our house is on the market. Ugh! I don't want to think about that. I have handed it over to a realtor and God. That is all I could do. I cleaned, painted, help fix and everything else I could manage to accomplish. It is all I could do and now it is all up to God. Tim did so much work and never even lost it. I wish I could say the same. Thank God for my mom who talked me through my hyperventilating phone call at some point during our trip. Gratitude... that is what this post will be about. I am thankful for my husband. He worked and worked and worked some more to fix our house. The renters left us quite a job. He just got to work and did an amazing job. I am so lucky to have him! My mom... she is always there when I call. I call and I complain and cry and she just listens. She doesn't tell me that if she hears me whine about this house one more time - she will hang up on me. She just listens and tells me to have faith. Tim's parents... they gave us their spare room and let us come and go like we were at a hotel. We just worked so much and barely spent any time actually visiting. My sister-in-law, Jessica... she made brownies and let me know there was ice cream and toffee bits to go with it. She knew I would be needing that chocolate. Then there are 3 other AMAZING PEOPLE! Alex, Susie and Cindy. Oh my - where to start... These are 3 ladies that have been my friends for a long time. Each of them has a daughter that Savannah is friends with. I formed my friendships with them through our girls. When we got to Florida, I dropped Savannah off with Miss Alex and her daughter Seraphina. Savannah spent a couple days there, then I dropped her off with Miss Susie and Elizabeth for a couple days. Next, a day back with Seraphina and then a couple days with Miss Cindy and Lauren. I didn't have to think of a thing for Savannah. They swooped in and helped. Alex took Sebastian to play at her house twice, so I could paint. At one point, I had FORGOTTEN about picking Savannah up to take her to another house. Susie called me and asked if I would like her to take Savannah to the next house. I looked at the time and couldn't believe I was an hour over when I said I would call and pick her up. I was so flustered. Susie was so sweet and said she would just take her over to Alex. At that exact moment, Alex rang my doorbell. She said she was out and decided to stop and see if she could pick Savannah up for me to help me out. I nearly cried. I had Susie on the phone trying to help me and Alex at my door trying to help me. I seriously was overwhelmed with gratitude. My friend, Cindy, picked Savannah up for co-op (yes, they all even made sure she got to her homeschool co-op and girl scouts) and took her home. Then Cindy made pizza for Susie, me and her. I just got to sit and relax with good friends. When we decided to stay an extra day because we still had work to do - Cindy just kept Savannah for another day. It felt good to know my child is so loved by her friends and their families. She was gone for most of the 10 days and I knew she was always in good hands. So, I have so much to be thankful for even if these are some of the hardest days of my life right now. Faith... Family... and a week or so of the best of Friends...

25 Random Things...

2009-01-30T15:21:00.001-05:00

I did this for Facebook and thought I would share it here too.

1. I am a homeschool mom. When I had my first kid nearly 20 years ago, I thought homeschooling was for crazy people. When that child went to K and my nephew started homeschooling K - I still thought that was something I would never, ever do. I am finishing up my 10th year of homeschooling this year and I can't imagine anything else for our family.

2. I have a irrational fear of dinosaurs. Not like on tv - but the big ones in museums, etc. I actually think it has to do with the size of them that overwhelms me more than the fact that is was a dinosaur because some of the 3d type signs in Orlando freak me out too. If you are a Florida friend, the dinosaurs at the exit on I4 for Dinosaur World drive me nuts. My kids always try to make me look at them.

3. I think waking up with a baby cuddled next to you nursing is one of the absolute BEST things I have ever experienced in my life. It is probably the only thing I miss about my baby days being gone.

4. I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 15. He was telling some girl (Shawn Heinz) his address on the school bus. They lived on the same road. The next day, on a walk to the grocery store, I convinced my friend to walk over to his house with me. I didn't know him, had never spoke to him and was a very shy person all around. I knocked on his door and said hello. That was over 22 years ago. I think God sent me there.

5. I have an unnatural love of shelving. Every time my husband installs shelves for me - I feel pure JOY! I love storage!

6. I own two houses. One in FL and one in SC. We moved from FL after I was laid off from my telecommuting job. It was one way we could afford to keep homeschooling without my income. My husband is wonderful because he LOVES Florida, but LOVES his kids more.

7. My mom is my hero. She is just awesome! She has always, always supported me in everything that I have ever done - even the things that weren't probably the best choices. (My dad did too!) She moved from FL to SC so I could continue to be a homeschooling mom because she knew I would never leave FL if she stayed behind.

8. I love Disney World (well not just Magic Kingdom - the whole thing) . I have had season passes twice. If I could afford some kind of lifetime pass, I would buy it.

9. I love snorkeling. That makes no sense because I am afraid of most things like that. I forced myself to try it out because Tim loves it. It is the most relaxing and amazing thing to swim with sea turtles. I want to take my kids back to St. John with us to share the experience with them.

10. My best friend is in heaven. I really don't think I will ever meet another person that understood and got me the way she did. I miss her terribly.

11. I make up silly songs and sing them to my kid while we are out running errands. I do not have a good singing voice - so this can be embarrassing. I don't care. Someday they will laugh at the memory of their mom singing about how she needs to find graham crackers in the store.

12. I am addicted to the internet. Some people have to have their morning coffee... I have to check my email, Facebook, and read a few blogs.

13. I live next door to my husband's brother and family. I live across the street from my husband's two sisters. We have close family friends that live around the corner. We sometimes call it a compound. Crazy, huh?

14. I am slowly beginning to freak out that my son will be moving to be stationed Alaska in less than a month. I can't imagine not seeing him again until possibly Christmas.

15. I have an obsession with Starbucks Hot Chocolate with Hazelnut. I don't even like coffee and had never entered a Starbucks. Then my son gave me a hot chocolate with hazelnut. It is an addiction. I just smell Starbucks and I want to buy it.

16. I had my first child when I was 16. My husband and I chose to get pregnant with him. I would not advise my kids or other teenagers to do that in any way, but I believe that God sent my child to us for a very specific reason and at the perfect time. My life has been so amazing with him in it and I can't imagine it any other way.

17. Sebastian is my bonus child. We had decided to stop after two kids - Tim II and Savannah. Something changed my husband's mind and he suggested we have one more.

18. I am superstitious. I don't like umbrellas open inside. I will criss cross my window if a black cat crosses my path. I always say if I drop a spoon that a child will visit, fork - a woman, knife - a man. I have a strange habit of not being able to mark off a calendar until the next day when that day is really finished.

19. I believe in teaching my children to learn, not just fill in a blank, but actually learn. I find that most learning doesn't come from textbooks or traditional studying. It comes from many places. Right now we are having fun making lapbooks to store all the info in. I think it is a gift that I get to help them find a way to learn.

20. I love real estate. Not owning real estate (anyone wanna buy a house in Florida?) If I weren't homeschooling and had a 4 year old, I think I would get my real estate license. Maybe when my kids are a little older.

21. I have always been a Christian. Always believed in Jesus, but didn't really strive to understand more until my sister-in-law passed away 5 years ago. It forced me to lean heavily on my faith and seek more. (see number 10) Having said that - I really don't enjoy reading the Bible at all. It puts me to sleep. I keep praying for some divine intervention that makes me find it enjoyable.

22. When I was pregnant with Savannah, I wanted a baby girl more than anything. When I had my first ultrasound, they couldn't tell me if it was a girl. My wonderful husband set up a second ultrasound, paid for it since insurance only covered one ultrasound and took me the very next day. They still couldn't tell me for sure if she was a girl - only about a 90% chance. I went and saw my dad that day at the hospital and told him I was having a girl. He passed away a couple days later knowing we were having a girl and we would name her Savannah. He said that was a "hillbilly name" with a big smile on his face. He would have loved her so much.

23. I once stopped Splash Mountain at Disney World. I am terrified of theme park rides like that. I chose to get on to make my husband happy. We asked at the beginning of the ride if there was just one drop or many. The guy said one drop. He lied! There were many drops and by the time we got to the last drop, I was having a full panic attack. When the ride stopped just before going over the big drop - I stood up to get off. I scared my husband to death! The disney staff was great - they turned on the lights and came to get me right away. Oh and a guy had died the week before from jumping off right as it had gone over. That made my husband even happier to hear that one!

24. I love to scrapbook. The only thing is that I never make time to do it. I once scrapbooked 300 pages in a year. I have really big hopes to get back to that one day.

25. Sometimes I stop and think about my husband and my family. I cannot believe how blessed I am. That is not to say my life is not crazy because I always have some sort of drama going on. Ask anyone that knows me well. Even with that, I have been given a wonderful husband that I have grown up with and 3 amazing kids. I thank God for them all daily - even when I am pulling my hair out.

One CRAZY week...

2009-01-24T22:08:00.004-05:00

If you know me in real life, you know that my life is never dull. I am just not one of those people that has a ho hum existence. I have a good friend, Jorgena (Hi Jorge!). She, for the most part, has a pretty calm life. We have been friends since we were 12. I moved out of state when we were 18. These days we talk on the phone about every other weekend. I love talking to her because I never feel like she has changed. She just listens to me ramble on about the craziness of my life. Then there always come the moment when I ask her what is new with her. Very occasionally she will have something to tell me that is out of the ordinary. Most of the time, she is very calm and things are just normal for her. This is NOT to say that she doesn't have her share of challenges because she does have trials in her life. Just not as frequent as mine. This is true for a lot of people I know. I just seem to have some sort of knack for upheaval. Anyway, this week - really started last week. I found out through a phone call from another landlord that our tenants were planning to move out. This was news to me! Last I heard they were signing another year long lease. This has led us down a less that wonderful road of lost rent and an eviction process that we would rather have avoided. This also has led us to decide to put our house back on the market again. First we need to head to Florida to prepare the house for sale. Going into this week, we still weren't sure what we were going to do. I also began training to be Cookie Mom for our Girl Scout troop on that same day. I have been working on all that stuff. Monday was a busy day with Girl Scouts and talking about cookie sales. Tuesday was just CRAZY! It SNOWED! Savannah and Sebastian have never seen snow. It wasn't a ton of snow, but it was indeed snow. The morning was nice with the kids playing... the afternoon was filled with renter frustrations. I wanted to run away. Wednesday was as busy as ever. I have started going to a bible study with a friend. Sebastian plays with his friend Kameron while we attend. Afterward we take them to Burger King to play. I can't tell you how many times my phone rang between realtors and others. During this time, Tim II calls and says he can come home the NEXT DAY. I come home and deal with more realtor stuff while looking for a plane ticket for Tim II. There are a lot of different airport options from OK to here. I literally spent 3 hours looking at different scenarios vs. roundtrip and one way to different airports. He needs to be back in Dallas to catch his flight to Alaska in a month. I finally got him booked on a flight to Atlanta for Thursday morning arriving at 9am. So... my mom and I decide to get the kids up at 5am and head to Atlanta for the day. We didn't really find much we wanted to do there, so we just ate lunch at Chili's and headed back home. A 7 hour round trip drive for lunch at Chili's! Crazy, huh? Friday was a day of cleaning and a beautiful afternoon to sell Girl Scout Cookies. Today, more cookie selling and then out to the book store and dinner with Tim and Tim II. I am exhausted from the week. I think we are a little bit clearer on our plans, but still not set. It looks like we will be heading to Florida next weekend to spend several days to a week there fixing our house up for sale. Our plan is to price low and hopefully sell quickly. We can use prayers and good thoughts. We are so DONE with this house thing. I will leave you with a video of my kids playing in the "blizzard".

Christmas '08

2009-01-17T10:04:00.003-05:00

So, it has been a few weeks since Christmas. It is never too late to post Christmas pictures, right? I really wasn't sure how Christmas would feel in a new house. I am happy to say it seemed like it was always home this Christmas. I even put up a lot more of my decorations. The first time in years that we did that. I was so excited Timmy was coming home. I just wanted the house to look very festive. On Christmas Eve, we all went to church and then we came back and had our traditional Chinese. I am a Christmas Eve person. I like Christmas Day, but I love Christmas Eve leading into Christmas morning. My mom and my sister come over and we exchange gifts with them. We gorge ourselves in Chinese, watch a Christmas story and just relax. My mom spends the night and the next morning the kids open presents from Santa. It is just a nice, peaceful time. This year, my sister-in-laws Jessica, Jennifer and Karen came over on Christmas morning. They were talking to Timmy and I was talking to them about how great he looked. I was just taken with so much emotion. I could hardly keep from crying because I was SO STINKING HAPPY he was home. I don't know how many more Christmases he will get to be here. I didn't see that coming. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that he may not always be here for the holidays. This was my favorite and best Christmas present this year. Just awesome!

We got him a camera to record all the views of Alaska.

Santa arrived!

I loved the fireplace with stockings all hung. (Too bad we had to open a window because it was so warm!)

My little elf.

My Christmas present!

Amazing...

2009-01-13T13:22:00.003-05:00

I wrote the last post on Sunday night. I went to bed feeling pretty down missing my friends. I sorta realized that was a bit whiny of a post and I have said before that I don't want to do that here. It was just what was on my mind and my fingers typed it. Then, yesterday, I got a call from my friend, Susie. She is in Florida. She told me that our Florida girl scout troop had their cookie meeting where the girls discuss what they would like to choose as their reward for selling cookies. She went on to say they chose SAVANNAH! Yes, they chose to come visit us! I literally almost cried. I told her about my post and how it was odd that she called just hours later. She went on to tell me that we should come visit and just hang out with all of them. Again, I could feel the tears coming. Sometimes when you move away, you begin to think that nobody thinks about you anymore because you are not there. It was so nice to realize that we are missed. I am not the only one sitting here missing people, but I am missed too. I don't know if we will get back to Florida when Timmy is here next, but I hope so. We have such great friends and I can't wait until they all come visit!

A new year...

2009-01-11T23:51:00.003-05:00

It is a new year and I have a list of things I want to do that is a mile long. I put blogging on that list. I don't know why I stopped writing. I have sat at my laptop a few times and thought I really need to blog, but then nothing gets typed and no pictures get uploaded. I am feeling really frustrated with the fact that we will be here a year next week and I don't know that I feel anymore "at home" than when I first moved her. In some ways I do because I know where lots of things are and how to get to them. I have made some friends and find familiar faces in the store. I just don't feel like I am finding the group of friends like we had in Florida. I miss going to co-op with my kids and hanging out with everyone. I miss going to Miss Vickie's to just visit a Friday night away. I miss going to girl scouts and talking with Cindy and Leslie while our girls giggled with Miss Susie in the other room. We have friends here and actually I think Savannah is pretty happy. It is just a me thing, I guess. I feel very disconnected from people. There are a few in our homeschool group that really do want to get together more and I find that encouraging. I am hoping spring will grow these friendships and maybe I won't feel like I am starting completely over again from square one. We really do have a great group of ladies in this group. It is not that they aren't the nicest bunch of people. Many just seem to have their routine and their comfort. I don't seem to have found that yet. As for other things on my list - sparkpeople, exercise and scrapbooking. They are all really things I want to do and haven't done for quite a long time. There is not better time to start - I think. Week number 1 went pretty well minus any scrapbooking. Week number 2 starts tomorrow - so I should head to bed. I don't know if I have any readers left after my long, long break. I hope so. I really would like to share my everyday blessings and hopefully encourage somebody along the way.

Things...

2008-12-22T19:32:00.004-05:00

We made about 80 cookies the day before, so there would be plenty to decorate.

I know I said I would be back and then well... we got sick again. All of us. Sebastian had a 103 temp for days, then I got sick, then Savannah was down. Tim was sick while all of us were sick. I think we are finally on the mend. I really was beginning to feel like we may never be well again. Add to that, a lot of stuff to do. Just stuff. Lots of it. I don't have anything really big to do until Christmas. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned today. I wanted to disinfect everything. I also made some fudge. I have one or two more things to get at the store and I have to finish wrapping. Other than that, I want to make cookies and cinnamon rolls. I would say that means I will blog and I will blog alot, but the truth is that my heart hasn't been in blogging. Not really sure why. My mom says it is because I am on Facebook now. It could be. There is more feedback there. Here, I write and never really know who is reading or what they think. I still think there is a need for myself to keep blogging. I just needed the break. I plan to come back, but it may not be tomorrow. There are so many things I want to record on my blog. Someday I want to print it out for my kids. With that I will leave you with pictures from our cookie decorating. We had a party with homeschool kids. It was so much fun and maybe it will become a tradition.

LOOOOOONNNNGGGGG Absence...

2008-12-02T14:11:00.002-05:00

I think this is the longest I have gone without blogging. I was sick and then I had company coming and then there was the holiday and then I was sick again. I am pretty darn tired. I have a lot to do. I am neglecting my blog. It is like I know it is there and I want to write, but I also want to read a book. I never really read a book except to my kids. If I have free time, I am usually on my computer. I started reading Twilight this past weekend because I was sick. I am a little over halfway through. I have heard I will want to read the next 3 books right away. We will see. Maybe, not so sure yet. Anyway, I want to finish my Oklahoma posts. Really, the most important ones are yet to come. I have some "free" time this week that I am going to use to work on Christmas cards and reading my book. Then I want to try to come here to finish off my trip posts. Then there are still the pictures from the kids birthday from back in October to put to music and oh, the list goes on and on. Maybe when I retire!

I'm sick...

2008-11-13T19:17:00.005-05:00

I have a cold. A rotten, stinking cold. I plan to finish my trip stories. Today, I just wanted to lay on the couch and watch The Partridge Family and The Monkeys. Then I remembered that I wasn't 9 years old anymore. Those shows weren't on. If you are a child of the 80's - do you remember staying home sick from school? Do you remember watching these shows? The others like Green Acres, The Courtship of Eddie's Father, Gilligan's Island, etc? I loved staying home to watch tv... not that I did it very often. I liked laying on the couch all day. It was so relaxing. THAT. DID. NOT. HAPPEN. TODAY. I tried to sleep in. I thought just maybe that would make me feel better. My darling last child is NOT sick. He was up with the sun and chattering away. I tried to take a nap this afternoon. Again - NO. NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN. Oh well, there is always bedtime that will come soon.

Five years...

2008-11-12T11:59:00.003-05:00

This is the card. I couldn't make it bigger. If you click on it, it shows up bigger.

Today marks a day that so many of us wish was not true. Today, it has been five years since we lost Debi. I always think about her - every day. I thought about her every day before we lived here and now that I see her children on most days - she is on my mind. I have been missing her more lately because I feel like I need my friend back to get me through all the "stuff". I want to talk to her and share all sorts of things. I have been thinking about posting about this since a sermon at church. It was about angels. I just never got around to it. Today is a good day to post about angels. On the morning after Debi died, Tim wanted the family to go to Burger King. I think he just needed to get out of the walls surrounding us. We took the kids and my mom and headed off. I was so numb. I literally could not feel anything, but extreme grief. I couldn't eat and I couldn't think. I felt like the air had been sucked out of the world. I sipped on orange juice and we just all sat very quietly. Tim still smoked at the time. He went outside to smoke and the kids and I followed him. I felt so lost that I couldn't bare for him to be more than 2 feet away from me. We were at a Burger King on a busy Florida road. It was not a place for people to be out walking their dogs. Out of nowhere, this elderly couple walked up to us with their dog or dogs - I can't remember if they had one or two dogs. The kids started petting the dogs. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I was doing all I could to control the sobbing that had started the night before. This couple didn't speak either. They just stood there quietly. It was sorta of odd, but peaceful. The next thing, I know, they hand me a card sharing with me the Way to Get to Heaven. It was a simple little business type card. It just told the truth. You see, I was raised to believe in Jesus and who He was. I believed in him, but I always had doubts. Not atheist type doubts, just doubts. I didn't have a real religious identity. I believed, but I wasn't sure what I believed. This may or may not make any sense, but it is the best way I can describe it. I stood there looking at the card. The tears were beginning to fall. Debi knew me so well. She knew I was a person who needed concrete evidence. I liked facts - all neat and orderly. I was so worried about her. I knew she was in heaven, but what about before she got there. The fear was more intense than I can put in words. Tim kept telling me that God was there with her and He protected her. I held that card in my hands and knew that she had sent me these angels to give me comfort. They were angels that told me she was okay and there was one way to get to heaven. I believe in angels. They are all around us. I believe Debi is an angel and she is still helping people like she always did. It has been 5 years and it still hurts and I still miss her.

Oklahoma or BUST part 4...

2008-11-09T09:12:00.003-05:00

Creepy gun store.

Outdoor World

We had planned to go crystal mining on this next day, but the weather didn't look good. We also called the place we had planned to go and they were closed. Rather than hope for a good place to go and hope it didn't rain - we altered our plans and headed to Oklahoma City. It was about a 6 hour drive, not too long, but not exactly short. We got to OKC about dinner time and decided to Bricktown. I had read a little about it, but didn't really know all that much. It was chilly and drizzling (so I didn't stop to take any pictures). We ate dinner at some BBQ place that I can't even remember the name of. Tim II had called me while we were there and told me his throat had swelled shut from his medication and he had not passed his test. Pretty much from that point on, my head was numb. I was so worried about him, that the details of what was going on around me just left me. I was worried about his health and worried we would not get to spend any time with him. I told him we were an hour away and would be there to see him no matter what. He sounded really happy that we had decided to keep moving on to OK even if we didn't know what the outcome of family weekend would be. I just didn't care because I wanted to see him so much. We finished dinner and wandered over to the big Bass Pro Outdoor World. This store is huge and has a lot to see. The kids had fun wandering around with Tim. I found a spot to sit down in and call my mom. I was pretty close to tears and I just sat and talked with her. I did snap a few pictures before we left. We headed out to our hotel. I think this was the night I took the kids swimming in the indoor pool. I was hoping to do that a few more times, but each night we got back so late.

We weren't sure what are plan was for the next day because it really depended on the weather.
When we got up it was raining and cold. We had thought about the zoo, but opted for the OKC Science Museum aka Omniplex. First we made a stop at a huge gun store. It had tons of mounted animals. Creepy in my opinion. I had to drag Tim out of this store and onto the museum. We wandered around the museum for the entire afternoon. We enjoyed the exhibits, but probably would have passed on the IMAX film. It was pretty dated and not worth the extra money. Sebastian loves these hands on museums. We had been to our state museum just prior to the trip and he had a great time trying things out. It was a lot of fun just goofing off with each other. All in all, it was worth the trip to see this. It was a little on the pricey side as far as everything else we had done. It would have been less if he had skipped the IMAX movie. I think if I were giving advice, I would say it is worth the price of the ticket, but don't add the movie. We left the museum around 5pm and were to make our way to Lawton, OK. It was a really pretty drive and I really enjoyed it. Years and years ago, when Tim and I were celebrating our first anniversary, we were going to Disney World for the first time. It was an hour and a half drive from our house. I remember being so excited and feeling like a kid. I just couldn't wait to go to Magic Kingdom. I felt this same feeling heading to Lawton, OK. I was so excited to see my son. I just missed him and wanted to see his face. When he called that night, I was so happy to tell him that we were HERE.

Oklahoma or BUST part 3...

2008-11-08T19:33:00.003-05:00

My pictures don't really do the caverns justice. You really just have to go there and see it for yourself!

Some country road.

Soda fountain.

My nephew Josh with his girlfriend, Cara.

On our third day of making our way to see Tim II, we decided to go to the Blanchard Caverns. Again, my sister, Leann, had told me what a wonderful place this was. It was not too far from where we were staying. We got to see some pretty rural country along the way. Actually, our whole drive from SC through GA, AL, MS, TN, AR, and finally OK was very pretty. I have been driving back and forth from SC to FL that I hadn't really thought anything would look different. It was vastly different from area to area, but each had a wonderful quality about it. So, back to the Caverns. It was a sort of drizzly day, but that is perfect to go 260 feet under the ground. I was a little nervous because I don't like tight spaces, but my sister assured me that the actual cavern was HUGE. Tim did have to ask the guide just HOW FAR the elevator was going down. I could have lived without that information. When we got down there - it was just amazing! You can tell that I have spent way too much time at Disney World because my mind kept thinking that whomever did this work did and AMAZING JOB! Then I had to remind myself that God had created this masterpiece, not some Disney Imagineer. Savannah enjoyed it, but Sebastian didn't really care all that much. He did attract attention because his jacket and shoes both lit up. It helped direct the dim path for everyone! This is another highly recommended place to go around Mountain View AR. It was also very reasonably priced and well worth the cost.

We left the Caverns and headed back into the town. There is a little old fashioned soda fountain pharmacy that we went to for lunch and ice cream. The kids had fun sitting at the counter. We shopped around the shops and then made our way to where my sister lives not too far away. We went out to dinner with her family. It was a great evening of fun and relaxing conversation. Her town is a very pretty, cozy little town. When I crawled into bed that night, I was so happy that I had got to spend an evening with my sister. Sometimes things just work out and it is really just a blessing.

Oklahoma or BUST part 2...

2008-11-08T09:33:00.005-05:00

I think I need to touch up my roots... getting a little dark on top!

One room school house.

An old fashioned seamstress.

He is making tops on a wood lathe. Tim and Savannh spent about an hour with this man learning how to throw a top correctly. Savannah chose a top as her gift.

Making candles. No, I wasn't nervous that Sebastian would stick his hands in the hot wax. Nope, not me!

Our first official non-driving day (there weren't many non-driving days), we decided to visit the Ozark Folk Center. My sister, Leann, lives in Arkansas. I had asked her about a couple of places that she had gone to on her honeymoon. This place has about 24 artisans that show how things were made in pioneer days. This fit perfect with the American Girl, Kirsten, that we were studying for school. I love, love, love it when we can take a trip that ties into what we are studying. We went to Williamsburg when we were studying colonial times, then we did this. Next up we are studying the American Girl, Addy. She was a slave. I am pretty sure I should be able to round up a good field trip for this study right here in SC. Anyway, I am moving off of my trip topic... so scattered! We were staying on-site of the Folk Center, so we did not have to travel to it. We found where the tram took us over and headed into the park. It is very quaint and friendly. Savannah was in instant love with the place. She loves watching people work on a craft of some sort. The kids made candles and watched each artist do their work. We took a break and headed to the restaurant for a family style lunch. It was also very nice. I really can't say a bad thing about this place. The cost was extremely reasonable for all you got to see. We spent hours here. My sister had told me that we could probably do the caverns and this park in one day. I opted to split it up just because I didn't want to feel rushed. I am glad I did it that way because it gave us time to really talk to each of the artists and learn about what they were doing. If you are ever in Mountain View, Arkansas, you really need to go to the Ozark Folk Center. We wrapped up our day by heading to Walmart for some crackers, cheese, sausage and the all important caramel apples. We took that back to the room and let the kids play with their souveniers outside off our patio. It really was one of those perfect vacation days.

Oklahoma or BUST part 1...

2008-11-07T12:21:00.002-05:00

Well, it has been a few weeks since we actually left for our trip. I still wanted to post about it at some point. Today is as good as any. I am supposed to be leaving for the park in a few minutes, but the first couple of days of our trip were pretty simple. We headed out on a Friday evening to get a start on the driving. We made it to outside of Birmingham. The kids were really good and excited about the trip. I was cautiously nervous about so much driving in a short time. We got up on Saturday and drove to Mountain View AR. We had opted to rent a cabin room from the Ozark Folk Center. It had pretty decent reviews and was right where we wanted to be. We were very happy with what we found. It was very clean and cozy. After driving all day, we decided to just stay in and relax. The next day we planned to visit the Ozark Folk Center. The trip was off to a good start with lots of possiblities to follow!

Our Cozy Cabin Room.

Crossing the Mississippi River. This was something none of us had ever done before. Well, maybe I did it when I was really little. I don't remember.

Huge plant on the river.

Waffles for breakfast became a very important part of our trip.

Halloween 2008

2008-11-03T08:50:00.004-05:00

Mmmm... Pumpkin Seeds

Grandma with Baby Lucy.

Look at the loot!

Dad was helping sort the candy.

Working on the ooie gooie part!

He really was not sure why we were keeping the seeds.

My expert pumpkin cleaner outer.

My Army Dude and Medieval Princess

Posing with their creations.

Halloween is over for the year, not that we are anywhere near being finished with the candy. I would say it was a huge success. None of us knew just what to expect being in a new state this year. We ended up only doing math on Friday and just celebrating the holiday. The kids carved their pumpkins in the afternoon. Sebastian actually took a "few" seeds out and then Sissy very nicely finished the messy part for him. My mom had one of those Mr. Potato Head kits for pumpkins. Sebastian loved poking the pieces into the pumpkin! Yay for Grandma! Savannah drew her own face this year and did a great job cutting most of it out. Then we started getting into costume early - thinking we would head out early. Well... the truth is traffic was actually crazy here. If I were still in Florida, that would be normal. That is NOT normal for here. I had to run out to pick up my mom because she hands out candy for us. There was an accident so her road was blocked. I decided to run past Sonic and Tim's work and then swing around to get her. The traffic was just amazing. I guess people seriously all get off work early and head home for the holiday. All told it took me a little over an hour to do a 5 mile loop. I was really happy the kids were already dressed up and just ate their dinner in the car. Tim got home and we headed out trick or treating. I love walking around with Tim and the kids. It was a little cold when we started out, but we warmed up pretty quickly. There were tons of houses participating. It was really great. We did our neighborhood and then went across into another neighborhood. Sebastian would have kept going another 5 miles, but Savannah's shoes were hurting her feet. So, we called it a night and headed home. Another GREAT Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T08:34:00.003-05:00

This is me! I really dressed up as a garbage bag! It was one of my favorite costumes because nobody else was dressed like me.

I am the baby and my best friend, Tricia, was Papa Smurf.
I thought it was cool that I got to take a baby bottle full of orange juice to school.

I think Tricia was trying to be a baby this time around and I was the Bride of Frankenstein. Another one of my favorites. The cabbage patch kid is Tricia's little sister, Kristi.

I woke up this morning intending to start posting a trip report of our travels. Well... my mom being the Facebook savvy grandma that she is... posted old halloween pictures on there. I decided I have not been sharing with my blogworld as much because I have been on Facebook. These pictures are so fun! I am so glad she took some pictures. You know back then we didn't always snap pictures the way we do now. Some days I take 10 pictures a day and other days I take 100 pictures. It just depends. I, seriously, have a specific pocket in my purse that my camera stays in all the time. My mom would have laughed at the thought of carrying a camera with her all the time when I was growing up. So, today is Halloween. I am being a mean and witchy mom who will require school to get done before the fun can begin. Much to Savannah's horrors!!! We will then be carving pumpkins. Last year, Sebastian was NOT into the whole pumpkin carving thing. I don't know how this year will go. I was thinking that we need to make pizza bread for dinner because that is what my mom always made on a lot of Halloweens. Of course, hot dogs would be much quicker! Did I mention that I love Halloween? There has not been a year that I have not gone trick-or-treating. I went every year as a child and even when I was pregnant with Timmy. Then I had kids and have gone every year since then. I think Sebastian is finally excited about it this year. It has taken him awhile to find it fun. When we were kids it was always cold and sometimes rainy. We still plugged along to house after house until our toes were numb. My kids are going to find it cold this year compared to Florida, but they will survive. Anyway, I wish you a fun day and evening of a time to be just a little more silly! Happy Halloween!

More words from Sebastian...

2008-10-25T21:48:00.003-05:00

I did A LOT of driving during our trip out to Oklahoma. Tim takes prescription meds that make him pretty sleepy when he gets in the highway mode. He just prefers not to drive if he doesn't have to. That means I drove nearly 2900 miles over 10 days. Apparently, this had an impact on my youngest child. The last few days we have been home, I have had my very own cheerleader. When I pull into the driveway to park, Sebastian tells me, "Good job, mom! You did it just right!" When I turned onto a road today, he told me, "Good try mom... you got the turn really good!" He has been cheering me on with all of my driving this past week. Lots of "you drived good, mom!" as we go along! What a silly boy!

I probably shouldn't put this here, but I want to remember it a long time from now because it made me laugh really hard. One of the nights that we had to drop Tim II off at the Army base, we found another Army family having car trouble. Since Tim is a mechanic, he stopped to help. It was late and after a long day. Savannah and Sebastian were in the back of the car getting restless. Sebastian was just annoying his sister and then he was annoying me. I told him if he didn't stop, I was going to pull him out of the car and spank him. A minute went by in silence. Then he said, "Then are you going to run me over with the car?!" My mom was on the phone with me and heard him say it. She just busted out laughing! Now, I sware I would never do that, but oh, how my son makes me laugh! What a goof ball!

Little hands...

2008-10-24T12:42:00.002-05:00

I have a lot of things to blog about and hopefully, little by little, I will get to them. It has been a busy week of unpacking, laundry and grocery shopping - with some school time thrown in where we could fit it. This morning, I read one of my favorite blogs - Amazing Trips. Jen - the author - is having a tough time deciding what is right for her triplets and her career. Full time work, part time work, full time Montessori, part-time Montessori, homeschool and a whole bunch of stuff. I feel for her. I have struggled with similar decisions in my life. Not exactly REAL career decisions, because generally I have just had a job, not a career. I left her a comment and it has been on my mind today. It was sorta long and I don't want to repeat it all here. The main part of it was about how quickly they grow up. Just last night, I was sitting here reading an email about a Marine being overseas. It brought tears to my eyes as I wondered when my very own son would be heading overseas. I closed my eyes and I could see his little face when he was about Sebastian's age. I am proud of him and who he has become, but boy - I ask myself over and over again - just where did that time go? I know that it is not possible that all moms need or want to be home with their kids. I know that is just not the right choice for each and everyone's family. I also know that it is right for my family. When Timmy was 4 years old, I worked full time. Yes, I missed some of his really frustrating battles from that age. I also missed a whole bunch of fun things from that age. Now, I am here with Sebastian. Some days I am so tired, I can barely think straight. Right this very minute, Savannah and Sebastian are screaming at each other. I am not loving this moment exactly. I remind myself it is brief and it will be gone before I know it. I am not a perfect mom. I get tired and I scream. I am loud and I get annoyed. I don't have the patience of a saint by any means. I just do the very best that I can each and every day. That brings me to this afternoon. I bought another 80lbs of hamburger that needs to be repackaged into smaller bags. It would be much easier to do this by myself. I could do it much quicker and with less mess. I am also going to make 14lbs of meatballs. Sebastian wants to help. His little hands want to do the work with me. There have been moments when I just want to tell him to scoot away and let me get my work done. Then I remembered my words to Jen at Amazing Trips. I told her they grow up in a blink of an eye. I know because I have seen it happen with my first. So, I am praying for patience and letting him fill these bags with me. It won't be all that long that he may be several states away and I will be missing him more than I could have ever imagined.

Our soldier...

2008-10-17T10:41:00.002-05:00

Hey there. Some of you I have talked to or in some way got in touch with you, but the rest of you I haven't. Anyway, the good news is my son is AMAZING! The not so great news is that he missed passing his PT test by less than 10 seconds. Man, that stung to hear. I felt so stinking bad for him. Apparently, it showed on my face. I was sitting on the ground waiting for him to come down. His 1st sgt came over to me and asked me who I was waiting for. I told him and he asked me if I knew he didn't pass by such a close call. I told him I did. He went on to tell me how amazing Tim II was. He told me that he wished he had more of him because he had heart and integrity. Some of his guys come by this stuff really easy and they don't really realize their potential. He told me that he firmly felt that if Tim II hadn't had all the health issues he would have passed with flying colors. He went on to say that he had cut his run time significantly since he had arrived. All of that was great to hear, but my heart still hurt because I thought I would only get to see him on Thursday. This man went on to tell me that he would see about the weekend pass for him. As of right now, we are hoping for Saturday and Sunday, but we may even get Friday. We just have to wait and see. Here is the next good thing, when Timmy came out... my little boy had turned into this man. He looks awesome! He didn't come out whining or complaining. He gave me a hug and boy did my tears flow. I just missed him so stinking much! While we spent the day with him, he told me some things. He is sorta good with going on to FTU to get more physical training because you have to run even faster in AIT or you lose privileges. He said he would rather go on to this now than have a tougher time in AIT. This seems to be a well thought out process. For this mom, it pretty much guarantees he will be home for Christmas because AIT shuts down then. One final thing, my sister-in-law, Karen sent me an email about God's plans. She reminded that God may have had an excellent plan for him to head off to FTU for awhile. It may be to keep him safe at some point or meet his mate. It may be just as simple as spending one more Christmas at home. It may be for any number of reasons, but it is all part of God's plan for him. It helped for me to get that perspective from her. Did I mention that I have an amazing family? Anyway, I appreciate all of you and your thoughts and prayers. I will keep you all updated on our new, long and winding road.

Update on Tim II...

2008-10-14T23:37:00.000-05:00

Hey! I am writing from Oklahoma City tonight. I got a call from Tim II tonight. It wasn't what I was hoping for. He has had yet another health set back. Apparently, he is allergic to the medicine they prescribed for his ulcer. His throat swelled nearly shut. He still did the run on Monday, but did not do well. He did not go to the clinic, yesterday, because of Columbus Day. He went in today and the doctor told him he should have gone the ER and he was very lucky his throat didn't close all the way. Unfortunately, the doctor put him on what they call PROFILE for 72 hours. This means no physical activity. He asked if he could be cleared to retest on Thursday. The doctor said he didn't think so, but to come back on Wednesday. I told him that we were only an hour away and we would be there tomorrow. He sounded really happy that we were coming. Honestly, I don't care if he graduates today, tomorrow or next week. I just feel bad for him because he has worked so hard and just keeps getting all this health stuff thrown at him. I called my mom tonight while Tim shopped in the Super HUGE Bass Pro store. I was pretty down and bummed for him. My sister, Michelle, got on the phone with me. She told me that God has a plan for him and that He is just testing my faith. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted to just cry to my mom and be down, but my sister wouldn't let me. She reminded me of what a great attitude Tim II has had and how lucky I am to have such an amazing child. She told me to pray and pray and then just pray some more. So, that is what I am going to do. Anything is possible!

Blog envy...

2008-10-07T17:29:00.003-05:00

I have wanted to post birthday party pictures, but haven't. Mainly because I have blog envy. Yes, that is what I think it is called anyway. Over the last couple of years that I have been reading blogs, I have noticed something. I really love the blogs that do a slide show of something and put it to music. I am afraid to admit that I have no idea how to make a slideshow because I fear that will mean that I am getting !!!GASP!!! old. I want to know how to do that. I keep saying to myself that this is the day I shall learn to make a slideshow. For all I know, it could be the easiest thing in the whole entire world. I haven't even attempted to find out. I do know there is some website that you can do something like that on. I don't know if you can keep it forever on a cd. I don't want to spend the time doing it, if I can't keep it for my children to look at when I am 94 years old and senile. Anyway, that is one of my excuses for being absent. The other is that I have spent hours and hours looking up things to do and see in Arkansas and Oklahoma. I am so excited about going, but we still don't have the official "go ahead" from Tim II. I am trying so hard to be patient. I can't wait to see his face and have a week off with my family.

Sebastian is 4 years old today!

2008-09-30T13:29:00.003-05:00

We have a whole family Diego party planned for tonight. Well, technically, it is a Diego and Puppies party since we are celebrating both Savannah and Sebastian's birthdays tonight. I will post pictures of that at some point. On one hand, I can't believe he is 4 years old already. On the other hand, I feel like he has really been here for 4 years. It is hard to explain I guess. He is my busy guy. He keeps me on my toes - always. Never a dull moment, that is for sure. Today, we are painting his pinata and getting it ready for his party. We have a busy day ahead of us, but I wanted to post this picture and send the post off to Timmy. On Sunday, Sebastian was out riding his scooter with Tim. He wanted to "pretend" to crash because crashing is just so cool. Well... the thing is that he really did crash! Silly boy! Tim brought him in about 10 minutes before Savannah's birthday party was going to start. The bump on his head was HUGE! I felt like I may faint. I am not kidding. I don't do well with these things. Where the heck was Timmy when I needed him. He is my medical trauma person. Daddy did just fine though. Sebastian wanted me to KISS his bump! Oh Lord... that was a tough one for me! No need to fear that he is terrified of his scooter now. Nope... he wants to try that whole crash again - his words - not mine! All boy! My dear 4 year old... here is to another year of twists and turns and ups and downs and a wonderful and exciting adventures with you! Happy Birthday to my busy, little guy!

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

2008-09-26T08:07:00.002-05:00

Does anyone know how much the average preschooler talks in a day? I didn't google to see if there was actually information on this one. Maybe I should. Sebastian is going to be 4 on Tuesday. I took him off of his nap schedule about 2 months ago. We got rid of his pacifier. He is now awake from about 7:30 to 8pm each day. I am with him about 12 hours out of that 12.5 hours. He is busy and busy and did I say busy? I really LOVE that he now goes to bed around 8pm if I can get myself in gear to get him there. I like that he pretty much just goes to sleep and doesn't make me walk up the stairs 300 times to get him just one more thing. So... what is this post about? I seriously think that this child wakes up in the morning and just starts talking and talking and talking ALL. DAY. LONG. I don't know how many times a day I say shhhh... I was writing a letter to Timmy. Sebastian was standing right next to me as in he kept stepping on my feet - he was so close. He HAD. TO. KNOW. WHAT. I. WAS. TYPING. He talked nonstop. I don't know if you are like this, but I will type what I hear or what I am saying if I happen to be talking at the same time. At some point during this time, I found that I had completely blocked out what he was saying. I could hear the noise, but not the actual words. That reminded me of a time when my sister-in-law, Jessica, was living with us. She was in the car with me once and she mentioned that I only listen to half of everything people say. I stopped and thought about it for a minute. I told her that was very, very true. Then I explained to her that my children (Timmy and Savannah at the time) talked to me ALL. DAY. LONG. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. They wake up in the morning and they start talking. They eat breakfast and they talk between bites. They do their school with me and that requires talking. They ask me what they can eat for lunch and they keep talking. We do stuff in the afternoon and they are talking. They help me make dinner and they are talking. We sit down to watch a tv show and they are talking. I tell them to go take a shower and they tell me they just took a shower 2 weeks ago. They keep talking about the reasons they don't need a shower. I tell them to brush their teeth and they tell me why they no longer like the toothpaste that they were rolling around the aisle in the store - begging for. I tell them it is time for bed and they continue to TALK about anything they can possibly think of to maybe stall their bedtime. Please don't think I am complaining. Okay, maybe I am a little. I love my kids. I love what I do. I love that I am the person they talk to during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love that I have the opportunity to teach them school and skills and so many other things. Even though I love this, sometimes, my brain just has to NOT. LISTEN. TO. HALF. OF. EVERYTHING. THEY. SAY. I just don't think my brain could take it all in and not explode. Again, I know I am beyond blessed that my children are healthy and can express themselves. I thank God for them all the time. I also pray to God that he will give me just 5 minutes of quiet time each day or I may run away screaming! BLAH. BLAH. BLAH.

Museum Field Trip

2008-09-24T11:41:00.004-05:00

We went on a field trip to the museum yesterday. I was debating on going or not. There were three homeschool things that we could attend this week and I was trying to decide which one would be worth the time, effort, etc. The first was this field trip. The second was a park day with some new homeschoolers we have not met yet. The third was another sort of park day with petting zoo with those same new homeschoolers. I was torn between going to the field trip where I was pretty sure there would be some people we already knew at least a little bit or going out to meet some new people. Ultimately, I asked my niece, Karís what she thought of a previous field trip she had been on. She had been to this particular museum before and done candle making. She told me she LOVED that field trip and had a lot of fun. That convinced me to stick with the field trip and try to catch the other homeschoolers next week. The field trip was a 2 hour program about Native Americans. We had a pretty good turn out of kids and Savannah did know some of them. She was very happy she got to spend the afternoon with them. As it turned out, we had just studied some Native American history that morning. It was fun to see some of the items we had just read about. Savannah and Karís had gotten to the part in their Meet Kirsten book that was talking about Native American children. One of the things they learned was that the Native Americans believed that a baby had three mothers - Mother Earth, their biological mother and the cradle board that they spent most of their first year in. When we got to the museum, we got to see a cradle board. Savannah thought that was pretty cool. One of the guides showed them all sorts of animal skins and talked about tracks, uses for the animal, etc. The woman guide showed us musical instruments and played traditional games with them. They also got to dance around playing the instruments. All it all, it was a good field trip and I am very glad we went. I think I would like to plan another one for a different program they offer.

Applesauce the pioneer way...

2008-09-20T17:37:00.002-05:00

Savannah and Karís are still studying Kirsten, an American Girl. She is about 10 years old in 1854. One of the things they did was learn to make applesauce. They learned about how they also dried apples rings by hanging them all over the sides of their houses. The girls peeled and peeled and peeled apples. My hands hurt watching them! I would have used a paring knife, but they used peelers. Then we just sliced them up with the apple corer slicer thingy - my very technical term for it. You just add some water and cook. So simple. Then you add a touch of cinnamon. I had no idea that it was that simple to make applesauce! I think this was a big success with them. I am really glad they are learning so much and having fun at the same time!

Simple pleasures...

2008-09-19T08:53:00.004-05:00

Watching the tow truck!

Being silly!

The wonderful spool table!

Earlier this week, we were going about a pretty typical day. I was cleaning up the house, Savannah was working on school. Well, okay, she really was working on her writing assignment. She just happened to be sitting in a chair out in the front yard because the weather was cool. She HAD to get outside - so I sent her out to do her writing. She was in pure bliss! Sebastian was playing Starfall on the computer. Tim called my cell phone. He asked if I was busy. Well... yes and no. We were all occupied doing some particular thing. Nothing that couldn't be dropped at a moment's notice though. He said that the other guys had gone out to lunch and he had volunteered to stay behind to watch the office. He wanted me to bring the kids down and have lunch with him. HOORAY! Our kids love going out to see daddy! At first, I thought I would grab them Burger King. It is almost right next door to his work. Then I remembered that I was trying really hard to not spend extra $$$ on fast food. I quick made some sandwiches for us and grabbed a bag of chips. We got to his work and I am not kidding you - Sebastian's eyes were just scanning the shop. I mean he was just taking it all in. As if he had never been there before. He has been there - just not for a whole lot of time. As I said earlier, it was actually cool out! We decided to eat outside on what is now considered a super awesome spool table. Ummm... it is just a rickety, old construction spool. I am amazed at what my kids find to be such a treat. Eating out back of a mechanic shop, on an old wooden spool, with broken down chairs was such a treat. Daddy got them orange soda - another super delight! That is not all though... a tow truck came to tow off a car. Sebastian was very serious about watching this. "What is the truck saying?" That is his new question to any sound. I keep telling him that I don't know because I don't speak truck, dog, bird, etc. Anyway, when I started my blog, I wanted to write about these kinds of things. Simple, crazy everyday blessings. This lunch on a September afternoon falled into that. As much as there are problems here, problems with Tim's shop being busy and providing work, we are very blessed that he is just 3 miles from home. We are very blessed that he has a very kind boss that doesn't mind when he shows up and sees us all eating out back. We are very blessed that we have the opportunity to drop schoolwork and housekeeping to go meet daddy on a whim. The only thing missing was Timmy. Not that he would have been around to go with us, but I still missed him while I was sitting there. I hope you find simple blessings in your day!

Happy Meals and Power Rangers

2008-09-17T08:34:00.006-05:00

My list has been long these last couple of weeks. I am busy - there is no doubt about that. I still try to think of what to blog about as I run around in a crazy frenzy on most days. Two weekends ago, Tim and I took the kids to Burger King. We didn't really have a point of our day. It was on Sunday and we just sorta needed to "get out". We went to BK because they have an awesome playground. We gathered up our books on planting fruit trees. The idea was that the kids could play and we could discuss all the wonderful trees we hope to plant. Sebastian doesn't really eat a kids meal. The child has NEVER eaten a hamburger! Unless you are a vegetarian - this is pretty odd. Generally, I don't want to buy him a WHOLE kids meal just for a toy. Savannah usually ends up being the big sister and just letting him have her toy. On this particular day, I had coupons for kids meals. They were 99 cents and for that price it was worth just getting him one for for fries, drink and toy. When we walked in the kids ran to the display. They are giving out Neopets. I have to admit they are pretty darn cute. Yes, I will say this... I really like some of the fast food toys. Some are just dumb, but some are cute and worth playing with. I actually have 2 or 3 clear storage bins that are separated into various kids meal toys. Remember the Lilo and Stitch toys or the Tigger and Pooh bear ones? We have several different varieties. My only requirement is that they actually play with them otherwise they get tossed out at some point. Anyway, where was I going with this... Oh... so Sebastian and Savannah were opening their toys and they were so thrilled. All of a sudden my mind was SUCKED back to Timmy being little. This boy LOVED Power Rangers with all of his being. He lived and breathed them. (As a side note... Sebastian has never seen a Power Ranger. Sometimes you learn as a parent!) Tim and I went down to Fort Myers for our 5 year anniversary. We arrived a little after 9pm. We checked into our hotel on the beach. We decided to go down and walk around a bit. We found a McDonald's right by the hotel. When we went inside we saw the display with Power Ranger toys. At this point, I was already missing Timmy and we had only been gone for about 3.5 hours. Tim and I began this crazy quest to purchase ALL of the toys for Timmy. The guy behind the counter thought we were nuts. At that time, you could buy the toys without the meal for about a $1 each. We made the guy sort through the boxes and find one of each. Then we took our stash and happily ate our cheeseburgers. We enjoyed the rest of our weekend and headed home. I was so excited to share these toys with Timmy. I don't think there was any Fort Myers souvenir he would have loved more. Anyway, I don't really know what the point was of all this. I guess just to share what is going on in my mind. I was just sitting there in Burger King watching my two younger kids be thrilled with a little stuffed penguin. I could see Timmy's little face being thrilled with a Power Ranger. It made me, once again, realize just how quickly my little ones will grow up. Time... it just goes so very fast.

We remember...

2008-09-11T10:08:00.004-05:00

I still remember very clearly where I was and what I was doing when I saw the planes hit. I had woken up a little later that morning because I didn't have to go straight to work. I had to take my sister, Michelle, the catch her flight to Chicago. I woke up and turned on The Today Show as I was going to go jump in the shower. I was in the bathroom and could tell something was wrong with the way the anchors were talking. I came back out to my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed. I watched and with horror saw the tower get hit. My stomach felt ill. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was like all the sound had been sucked from the room. I just sat there and watched and then I cried. I went to the phone and called my mom. I told her that Michelle couldn't get on a plane to Chicago. She was watching too. We were quiet. I spent the next couple of hours just watching and waiting. I finally got myself together as much as I could and I went to work. The place had an odd silence with hushed voices here and there. I went to my very good friend and boss. She told me to go home and be with my kids. I told her I needed to stay for awhile. I needed some quiet time to process what had happened. My kids were 12 and 2 at the time. Savannah had no idea what was happening. Timmy knew, but I don't know how much he processed. During the next few months and into the next year, I knew that the war was coming. I wanted it to come. HOW DARE THEY ATTACK US!!! I was angry, but I had fear. I knew that people would die. I knew that people were sending their husbands, wives, sons, daughters, and grandchildren. I remember thinking I was glad Timmy was only 12 years old. Too young to go to war. I could keep them safe in our home. I was mopping the floor the day they announced the air strikes had started. I sat down and prayed. I prayed for safety for our military and knowledge for our leaders. I prayed for this to come to a swift end. Here we are 7 years later and it is far from ending. Now my little boy is old enough to go to war. He is training right this very minute to go to war. My fear is immense. My emotions are high. I had respect for those families back then, but now that I begin my walk in their shoes... my respect has grown. I am at the very beginning of this journey. They have walked it for so much longer than I. Today, I am remembering the lost and the people that give so much for my freedom. My freedom to teach creation science around my kitchen table. My freedom to wear my Happy Halloween shirt today. My freedom to go out to lunch with my mom, sister and kids. My freedom to make choices. My son's freedom to choose to be a soldier. My son's freedom to be a soldier. Today, I remember and continue to pray for the military and their families.

St. Lucia Rolls

2008-09-06T12:19:00.003-05:00

The girls chose several recipe's from Kirsten's cookbook. Kirsten is a 10 year old girl growing up in Minnesota in 1854. She is a pioneer from Sweden. One of the things they learned about was the Swedish tradition of St. Lucia Day. They are celebrating the shortest day of winter. The oldest daughter would wake up in the middle of the night and make these St. Lucia rolls. Then she would put on a special outfit and a crown of candles on her head. She would go from room to room with a tray of rolls and coffee waking everyone up to celebrate. Lucia means light and the idea was that she was bring light to the darkest day. They still celebrate this in Sweden, but they don't use real candles anymore. The funny thing is that Savannah and Karis wanted to tape flashlights to their heads to deliver these. Apparently they do something similar to that now - without the tape - I would imagine! They had a great time learning about this and making these rolls. I think we will be making applesauce next week!

Finished product!

They are rolling oil around their bowls to coat the surface.

St. Lucia baker number 1.

St. Lucia baker number 2.

American Girl Study Week 2

2008-09-05T11:54:00.004-05:00

A month or so ago, I decided to toss what I had planned for Social Studies this year. We were scheduled to resume Winter Promise's Sea and Sky. As much as I like Winter Promise, I felt this program was geared to boys. I may do it down the road with Sebastian. I have a friend in Florida (Susie) that mentioned she was doing an American Girl co-op class. Then a friend here in SC said she was doing a class on American Girl with her two daughters. That got my mind thinking. Savannah is going to be 10 next month. My time to do little girl things with her is probably limited in some ways. I do think what we are learning is great for somewhat older kids too. I just decided that I wanted to do the "fun stuff" with Savannah before she hits middle school. I say she is a 5th grader, but technically by her age, she would be in 4th grade. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have put her the year ahead. Not because she is not ready for 5th grade, but because her childhood is short enough without advancing her grade. Anyway, that is a whole 'nuther post. So, I figured out I wanted to do "something" with American Girl. The question was what. There is a prepared curriculum for American Girl, but I really didn't want to spend the $$$ on it. I decided to check out 3 books on each American Girl from the library. For instance - we are studying Kirsten. I got Welcome to Kirsten's World, Kirsten's Cookbook and Kirsten's Craft Book. The Welcome book reminds me of a DK book with lots of pictures explaining different things that happened in that time. Then the cookbook and craft book have projects that were from her time period. I decided to let them choose some recipes and a couple of crafts. Basically we read several sections of the Welcome To book and then work on a craft or recipe. I also want to incorporate lapbooking into this. My friend, Susie, sent me this site that has free American Girl lapbook templates. I haven't quite got this all worked out in my head, but I know it will come together. I know we are going to use the recipe pockets, types of house, and compare and contrast templates. I need to figure out what else we will add to the lapbook. Savannah is also reading the 6 book series on each girl as her reading assignments. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I can tell you that so far - I think this is working out great! We are having so much fun and they are learning. When they finished the rolls last night, they told Tim all the details of what they learned. Then they headed over to Aunt Karen and Aunt Jennifer and went through it all again. Finally, they went over to Keith and Crystal and the kids. I was so proud of them! They retained so much of the information... way more than I expected! I am so excited about this year, that I am already thinking about next year. I would love to do a geography study in a similar way with recipes and crafts. I think it would be so fun to learn about different cultures that way! Oh and if you are reading this and you have a boy... I think this would still work well for boys. You may have to take the recipes and crafts OUT of the book, so they didn't see the cover. The basics of cooking and handy work are really still a great way for boys to learn. The Welcome to Kirsten's World book does not really focus on her as a girl. It just focuses on the way life was lived back then. Obviously, they would not want to read the readers, but they could still learn plenty without them. Karis is doing a different reading program and still getting a lot out of this. I don't know where the future will lead me, but I can see myself doing this study with Sebastian. Timmy loved to cook and make things, so I hope Sebastian will be similar in some way. It is so much fun! Next up, I will post about their St. Lucia rolls and what they learned about them.

This wasn't in the craft book, but I found these foam log cabin kits. They were actually for a fishing cabin, but we just didn't put the "Gone Fishing" sign on them!

Too cute!

Pictures for Timmy

2008-09-04T13:52:00.004-05:00

We grabbed him for a picture before he went back to work.

I forgot to share this funny that he said a few weeks ago at VBS...
A teacher asked him if he went by Sebi for short or was it just Sebastian...
He replied, "Mr. Sebastian." Now he really has the look!

Timmy asked for some pictures, so we did a mini family photo shoot. I know I said I would try to post more since I would be mailing the them to Timmy. I am just amazed at how busy life seems to be at the moment. I have so many things I want to do and not enough hours in the day. I talked to Timmy on Monday night and he was pretty sick with a lung infection. I have been stressing since Monday. I knew something was wrong all day. I am really starting to miss him a lot. I think the first couple of weeks, it was like he was on vacation. Now, I finished cleaning up his room and it seems like he is so not here! I don't like it! I will post pictures of his room - not that it is anything special, but I gotta write about something right? You will notice in the pictures that Sebastian got his hair cut short - short! Now, I keep calling him Timmy. I think the hair reminds me of him as a little boy and I think he is just so heavy on my mind. Sebastian keeps telling me he looks just like Timmy too!

Scissors and such...

2008-08-26T12:21:00.003-05:00

Okay, I haven't lost my mind and just posting random things about scissors. Well, not yet anyway... give it some time. Last night I was cutting out strips of fabric for Karis and Savannah's project. I, of course, left it till the last minute and was cutting them at 11:30pm. As I was sitting there in the quiet living room, I happened to notice the scissors I was using. These scissors - the ones in the picture were my sewing scissors from 6th grade. I remember showing up for Mrs. Niles home-ec class. We had to put together a small sewing kit. My mom took me to the fabric store and I was amazed. I loved it! I never did become a pro at sewing though. The scissors weren't expensive or anything amazing. Just plain scissors. I can't believe I still have them. I lose things I just bought last week. Somehow over all of the years, they just keep tagging along with me. As I was sitting there cutting with them, I couldn't help but laugh that I didn't really have a clue. I had no idea that 25 years later, I would be cutting strips of fabric to show Savannah and Karis how to make a braided rug. Funny how time goes. I knew I loved my class that I was in. I loved learning how to make a pillow and how to cook monkey bread. I remember Mrs. Niles talking about how she had two little boys - Dan and Ron. Their initials spelled out their names. Crazy - the things we remember. When she talked about her boys, her eyes lit up. She probably was a great mom. She sure had a lot of patience teach 6th graders how to sew.

The girls are working on an American Girl history study with me. I will try to post more details about that in another post. Their first project is a braided rug. They are going to make it bigger than the original small one that is in the book. I will post the finished product then. I had so much fun sharing this with them today. I think we are going to have a great year of learning and enjoying this study.

The lawsuit...

2008-08-21T12:20:00.004-05:00

Awhile back I asked for some prayer for a few things. One of those things was a pending lawsuit against us from our lake association. It was a very, very long story with lots of details. We really didn't feel like we had to join the association according to the covenants. I was even told by three lawyers that it was optional. The thing was that if we didn't join, they could try to sue us for all sorts of crazy stuff like drainage into the lake. They wanted us to pay an assessment that was billed to the previous owners (a bank foreclosure). After several trips to our original closing lawyer, he finally decided to share with us that we had what he called "Plus Title Insurance". Apparently, this PLUS covers more things than the traditional title insurance. Why this man did not tell me this weeks and weeks ago when I first called him, I have no idea. Once he told me this and gave me contact information, I was able to get a claim rolling. They paid the $3800 and the lien/lawsuit was dismissed. We still had to join the association. We are pretty sure that there will be more lake repair assessments down the road and that will cost us money. We felt sure we did not have to join, but to prove that - we would have had to hire a lawyer and fight to not join. Then if we won and didn't join, we would have to hope they didn't sue us for drainage damage. We just decided the easiest solution was to join and hope the assessments came down the road when we could hopefully afford them. That is a whole long story in a nutshell! I wanted to thank anyone and everyone who said a prayer for us. I was really, really stressed about this. I kept just trying to give it over to God and let him figure it out. In the end, that is exactly what happened.

The puppy saga...

2008-08-20T07:55:00.002-05:00

Last week, Tim found a puppy while he was test driving a car in our neighborhood. Yes, it is a perk that he lives so close to home! Anyway, first he took the puppy to our friend, Laurie. He didn't want to bring it to me because he was afraid the kids might want it, etc. Laurie took one look at that puppy and said that if it came in her house - she would have to keep it. So, he brought it home to me. I like puppies. I would not say I love puppies or dogs or really any pet. We brought the puppy in and showed it to Savannah. She was in love instantly. Here is the background on puppy issues in our household. Tim has always wanted a Weimaraner - a gray one to be specific. I have told the kids I just don't want dogs. I love our dog Woofie. She really is a sweet dog, but she sheds a lot and just adds work to my schedule. Savannah still wanted a puppy at some point. I told her if we were getting another dog - it would be a Weimaraner. I didn't want to hear Tim say how he always wanted that kind of dog and never got it. Well, a couple of weeks ago, Savannah saw a fluffy puppy at the pet store. She came home to tell me about it. I didn't see it, so it was pretty easy to stay strong. Okay, fast forward to this adorable little puppy in our house. I didn't think much of her the whole morning she was here. The kids were hovering over her. In the afternoon, the kids went off to other things. This little puppy came and snuggled against my feet. She was so calm. I thought it was because she was tired from her morning out. After a long nap, she was still really calm. I called Tim around 4:30 and told him I LOVED this puppy and had to keep it. Now, I know, I know... wasn't I the one that said the next dog would be a Weimaraner pup? I know! Trust me! I know! We had to borrow a cage from Keith because my mom has our cage for her puppies. While Tim was getting the cage from next door, a neighbor saw the puppy. He knew where it belonged. We knew this was a possibility and we had told Savannah if we found the owner - we would have to give it back. Oh, the tears. I actually wasn't there. I was at Walmart. Tim called me. My heart sank. I literally wanted to leave my cart and go home. I couldn't believe how attached to the puppy I was. I thought about that puppy all week. It was nuts. We decided to get Savannah a small puppy. She wants a "lap dog". The thing is that even mixed breeds are really expensive for lap dogs. I mean they are nuts! We looked around over the weekend, but we didn't find anything. Well, we found lots of cute puppies, but the cost is just too much for us right now. We are on the list at the animal shelter. That brings us to yesterday. Savannah put Woofie out back. When she went to let her in - who was waiting for her? The puppy and she had brought her momma dog with her! It was so funny. They had tags with their address and phone number this time. I was proud of my girl. She got the leash and walked them over. Oh, what a cute face this puppy has though. I can't stop thinking of it.

I am back...

2008-08-19T10:40:00.003-05:00

My laptop is finally fixed! WooHoo! I have so many things to blog about and not enough hours in the day. I do have new motivation though. I want to try to blog daily or at least every other day. Then I plan to print my blog out and mail it off to Timmy. I figure he will get pictures and details of what is going here. Of course, my mind is scattered as to what to write about first. Obviously, there was Timmy leaving. I actually did pretty well. I didn't cry at all the first week. I think because Jessica was here and I was really busy taking the kids to VBS. The next week was harder though. I did really well until this past Friday. Then I started to go downhill and miss him a whole lot. I have been cleaning up his room. Did somebody not tell my son that if you plan to move out for 4 years, you may want to take your laundry out of the dryer? Then Tim was missing him. He wrote him a sweet letter that just made me cry. I mailed it off to Timmy, yesterday.

Besides all of this, we started school last week. I am trying to get the groove, but it is going to take some time. I have lots of plans this year and it includes other people. That means I have to be organized and on top of things. I need some super, master schedule on my dining room wall that tells me what the heck I am supposed to be doing and when. We are off to the Lake Murray Beach this afternoon for a homeschool day. I am going to leave you with some pictures we took before Timmy left. I will be back to write all sorts of interesting things at some point.

Ramblings from Sebastian...

2008-08-11T08:49:00.003-05:00

Sebastian has had a few funnies in the past week or so. Sometimes I just have to stop and try not to laugh at the things he comes up with.

Last week at VBS, we were singing and watching a Bible story acted out. He didn't really want to be still for all of this. He stands up and proclaims, "I'm outa here!" Oh, really? I wondered if he had a car waiting for him out front.

Next up at VBS - several times he tells me he is "about done with this" - It is hard to portray the frustration he had in writing - but I think I probably tell him "I am about done with this" at least 5 times a day. Funny how they use your words on you.

Yesterday during a potty training moment. He is sitting on the toilet trying desperately to poop. He looks up at me and says, "My butt is just retarded." How do you not laugh at that one? I apologize to anyone that is offended by the word retarded (he lives around teenagers - it is a teenager word - right?).

Finally - I threw all of his pacifiers away yesterday. I know, I know - How could he still have a paci? Believe me, I was one of those moms that mocked people with preschoolers and pacifiers. Then I had one of those kids. With my other two, the minute they gave up naps - their pacifiers were gone. Sebastian is still napping. I couldn't stand the thought of the end of naps a year ago - now I am okay with no napping. Anyway, they are gone. I was explaining to him that everyone had to grow up at some points in their life. He tells me very sternly - "I don't want to grow up! I want to go down!" That's my boy!

Laptop down and some other ramblings...

2008-08-06T09:04:00.002-05:00

I know I have not been blogging. My laptop decided to go crazy again. I have spent 2 days backing up my pictures and documents to my ipod. I am almost done and then I can try to restore it. Meanwhile, I am left with my desktop. I hate the keyboard on here. It is bad, bad, bad. We also have been doing VBS each night. Oh my goodness, that wears me out! Sebastian is trying to learn social skills though. I keep telling myself it is worth the frustration. My sister-in-law - Jessica - is here. I have been hanging out with her. And... since Timmy left on Sunday - my niece, Tabi, came to visit. I will post pictures of Timmy's parties and other stuff when I get my laptop back to normal. (Pray we don't need to buy a new one!) Check back for an update soon!

Crazy days of summer...

2008-07-31T08:20:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't been blogging. I am busy emotionally and physically. My mind is full of lots of things and none of those things seem to be making it to my blog. I have physically been working on things for school and organizing the house. I think we will start back to school after next week and I have high hopes of being super organized. I am not going to promise I will post more about that, but I would like to. Timmy has been home this week and I have been just absorbing that he is home and will be leaving very soon. There is more to write on that, of course. I haven't been snapping lots of pictures either. I don't know why. Savannah took these pictures of Sebastian. It is amazing what boredom can do to a 9 year old girl. Sebastian was only too happy to let her mess with him. My goofy boy. If your are an avid blog reader of mine - you may remember she did this awhile back look here. She took him over to show her cousins and Aunt Crystal. Then Aunt Crystal asked Savannah if her mom knew what she had done. I assured Crystal that I didn't think it would warp him too much. I guess we will have to wait and see when he is a teenager if he has flair for crazy hair.

A new normal?

2008-07-24T18:39:00.003-05:00

I have had a busy week. On Monday we had a extremely busy girl scout meeting. On Tuesday, I spent a large portion of the day unpacking toys and games. I - yes - ME - I cut shelves using a circular saw. We bought big wardrobe closets months ago, but they needed more shelves. Wednesday, Tim and I met with a lawyer about this lawsuit and then I did laundry, made bread, etc. Today I went shopping for groceries and some school stuff. I have been busy. At times, my mind has floated to how Timmy is in Florida. I miss him on and off, but in the way that I think he will be back soon. Then it HITS ME HEAD ON... he will be back for just a week and then he will move out. Sure, he will come to visit from time to time and maybe he will move back for a short while till he decides what is next after 4 years in the Army. The reality is that he is moving out. With all the business of the week, I can manage to put it out of my mind as it pops in from time to time. On Tuesday, when I went to get a big box of games out of the closet, I found his baby blanket. It was just sitting there waiting for me to see it. Oh, my heart! I held it in my hands and I could almost feel him sitting in my lap holding his blankie. Where does the time go? Why don't they tell you at the hospital that the hard part isn't getting them to sleep through the night? The hard part is letting them go. Tonight, Tim, Savannah, Sebastian and I sat down to eat dinner. I was tired and Tim was tired. Dinner was not a fancy affair. It was Sam's rotisserie chicken, watermelon and potato chips. I told them to pretend the potato chips were mashed potatoes with gravy. As I said the words mashed potatoes - my mind went immediately to Timmy. He loves mashed potatoes. We have eaten lots of meals without Timmy here. He has worked evenings on and off for a long time. The thing is that I would save leftovers for him to have later. I looked at the chicken and realized he wouldn't be here for leftovers. He wasn't here to listen to my bad joke about mashed potatoes. Again, my heart hurt. I realized that THIS was our NEW NORMAL. The new time in our lives where Timmy is not just at work and will be here tonight or tomorrow. I have heard and read stories about letting your kids leave the nest. I had no idea how hard it would be. I am so thankful that I still have young kids to sit at my dinner table. I don't think anyone wants to see me in 15 or 16 years when Sebastian leaves. I don't know how long it will take to get used to our new normal. Part of me doesn't want to get used to it. I want to say NO - NO WAY! I AM NOT READY! I know it doesn't work that way though. I hope he knows how much I love him and how much I will miss him. I will think of him every time I make mashed potatoes or chicken parmisan. So many times throughout my busy day, I will think of him and wonder where he is and what he is doing. I will miss my sweet boy.

The basement...

2008-07-23T08:08:00.003-05:00

As some of you may remember, when we purchased this house - it was MANY COLORS. Keith and his crew painted the entire upstairs and Timmy's bedroom in a day. We didn't do much with the basement because it needed work. It was this SCREAMING RED color. I hated it. My family hated it. The problem was that it needed work. Things like putting casing on the windows, patching drywall, adding a ledge around the border, and crown moulding. Tim is working in the 100 plus degree heat these days. He is tired on the weekend and who can blame him? Sometimes I like to think I have gained wisdom as I have aged. One of the things I have learned is that it is not good for a marriage or relationship to constantly have a long TO DO list for your spouse. We bought our other house in 1999. The house was in okay condition. A few things needed quick attention, but really it was completely fine to accept. I went into overdrive on how I wanted this room to be or that room to be. Tim was on board for a lot of it, but sometimes he would have liked to have done no house projects. It took a toll on us. We finished that house to put it up for sale. The projects were DONE and then we MOVED OUT. When Tim saw how much work this house had, he felt just ill. I kept telling him there was no hurry to get it all done. He really did work to get the upstairs pretty much done along with all that painting his brother, sister and crew did. I kept thinking about that basement and all the work that needed to be done. I decided to go ahead and paint. All those things are not done, but the color change made it so much more inviting. I hung up curtains and put up blinds - you just don't know the windows aren't finished under there. We still need crown moulding, trim and a ledge in parts, but it is so much better. We don't hate to watch tv down there anymore. I have no idea when he will get to those projects and I really don't care. I just want to enjoy our movie space as best as we can without the stress. Amazing what one can figure out as they grow up!

I am not sure the picture shows how SCREAMING RED it was!
It is like a pale blue-green. I think very beachy.

He is starting to think about what he will put in the big fishtank.

It's OFFICIAL - Tim II has joined the ARMY...

2008-07-17T08:43:00.003-05:00

This is the letter I sent to family - well two emails combined because I forgot something in the first one.

Hey y'all. Tim II (I really can't keep calling him Timmy now can I?) joined the Army, yesterday. He actually went to MEPS on Monday afternoon. He spent the night in a hotel and was taken to the facility around 5am on Tuesday. I waited and waited all day for a call. Nothing. Around 9:30pm - he called and said he was still waiting to go into negotiations. Around 12:30 AM on Wednesday MORNING - he called to say that he didn't decide on anything. He told them he needed to see more options and that he was not going to sign away 4 years of his life after sitting there for 19 hours. They sent him back to the hotel and told him to come back in the morning. He went back on Wednesday morning and started negotiations again. He said they would not offer him anything in the medical field like he wanted. They only had one medical field option and that was Food Inspector. He didn't care for that. He did finally find one job that he thought he might enjoy. It isn't something like Xray tech that he will have a skill after he gets out, but it is something he would like to learn and will get him through. The official title is Click here: GoArmy.com > Careers & Jobs > Field Artillery Automated Tactical Data System Specialist (13D) . He did really good negotiating for his best interest. He got a $40,000 bonus and $63,000 for college money. That is about as good as it gets! Now for the news that makes his mom's heart sink. He has to go to Fort Sill Oklahoma on August 4th (my dad's birthday). Wow! I was thinking this whole time that he would do boot camp at one of the close places. There are several around where we live. Fort Sill is 17 hours and 8 minutes away. Yes, I checked as quickly as I could. He will do 9 weeks of Basic Training and then 7 weeks of AIT there in Oklahoma. He doesn't know where he would go after that. He is going to be here in SC for a couple of days and then he is going back to Florida for a week or so. I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and hanging in there with me. Now, I need to you hang in there with me some more. I will keep you all updated to where he is and what he is doing. Keep him in your prayers and pray that I don't fall apart when he leaves. Also, can you pray for Savannah - she is trying hard to be brave that he is leaving, but I know she is going to have a hard time! Thanks everyone!

P.S. I forgot to say how PROUD we are of him and the decision he made. He worked so hard to get here. He lost something like 60lbs and studied to get a good score on his ASVAB test. We are pleased with all that he has done!

BROWNIES = BLESSINGS

2008-07-16T08:36:00.003-05:00

I was looking for a picture of my sister-in-law, Karen. I couldn't find one that I hadn't already posted on my blog somewhere. The past 2 weeks has been unbearably stressful for me and my family. I couldn't blog because it was all I could do just to stay sane. My wonderful sister-in-law - Karen - made some brownies on Friday night. I know that sounds really simple. Brownies with a Symphony Bar added in the batter. AMAZING! She invited me over to have some. Remember that I try to find the blessings in everyday? This was a blessing! I am far from seeing all the problems worked out. My sister is still in the hospital and hopefully coming home soon. Tim II is still with the military trying to hammer out a deal. So far, they aren't giving him near what he wants. He was there, yesterday, from 5am to 12:30am. That was a long day. My lawsuit is still in limbo. My renters don't seem to be doing the work to buy the house. I don't have a whole lot of money or time to get up to Illinois to visit with my wonderful friends, Sebastian is still not potty trained. These are still all problems on my list. BUT... Karen made AMAZING brownies. She let me come over TWICE to eat brownies this past weekend. The second time, I ended up crying while I sat there. What a blessing to have a brownie and a shoulder to cry on. The week hasn't been as bad as it could have been, so I am finding God's grace.

A butterfly garden...

2008-07-04T08:59:00.005-05:00

A quick update on my downer post - things are fixed by any means, but I think I have an idea of our next step on several things. I appreciate the kind words and emails! Right now, we are in a hotel in Georgia - on our way to Florida. We have a busy weekend planned and will be back in South Carolina on Monday. I didn't like knowing my last post was not a happy one, so I needed to add something. A little while back, Savannah and her Girl Scout troop planted a butterfly garden at a nursing home. They did this to earn their bronze award. The girls worked really hard planning and learning about a butterfly garden. Then they had to put their muscle into it. There is CLAY dirt in South Carolina. It was not fun digging it up. In the end, I think they did a great job and was really proud of them!

I could use some prayer...

2008-07-02T18:41:00.002-05:00

My blog is supposed to be my happy place, so I will try to keep this short and sweet. There are three issues that I am struggling with. I have, for the most part, been able to keep my spirits up through all the things of the last year. Two weeks ago we were served with a lawsuit from our lake association. Our house is sorta on a lake - if you consider the swampy part of our backyard the lake. It is a really, really long story and I just don't want to fill my blog with it. The short of it is that we feel that we didn't actually join the association and are not responsible for any fees they are trying to charge us. They say we are not given an option of membership. I met with a very nice lawyer today and he said we may be stuck. I am holding out hope that there is something that can be done. They are asking for $3500 and honestly, that is a whole lot of money for us right now. I could use prayers that this will be resolved. The other thing, is our tenants didn't get approved for their loan. I don't really know all the details, but I really need some prayers that they will do the work to get a loan approval. So many things depend on us selling this house. I am also working on some health issues with Sebastian and potty training. It turns out that it isn't really all about him being stubborn. He may actually have a physical reason for not getting this. I am doing the best I can to figure my little boy out. Tonight I am just tired. When I spoke to the nice lawyer today, he asked me a few questions about things from the last year. I found myself thinking about and talking about some of the things. In my head and some in my words went like this - I got served with a lien last summer. I couldn't pay the lien and two house payments, then my husband broke his collar bone and was off work for a month. The holidays were next. Two days after Christmas, my husband had a job and we had to move in two weeks. We rented our house and moved my whole family including my mom and sister. A week and a half after our move, Savannah crushed her ankle and spent 4 days in the hospital. She comes home with a full leg cast for a month. Meanwhile we are trying to find a home for my mom and sister. We get them a place and have to do a whole move again. Then, my son crashed into a deer going 70 mph and wrecks his car. Next, Savannah has to have another surgery. We have to travel to Florida and then to Virginia. Finally, I am served with a lawsuit. Whew! That is just the last 9 months or so. The lawyer asks me what brought me to South Carolina. I tell him that is a long story. I simply say that I was laid off from my job and felt like I should move to be by my late sister-in-law's kids. When I think of all this, I realize that I probably am entitled to feel down right now. I just don't like feeling down. I feel like there has been a definite plan for our lives. I just am having a hard time having faith at the moment.

Mimi and Miss Molly

2008-06-28T11:17:00.003-05:00

Miss Molly - look at the face!
Mimi

My mom and my sister, Michelle, got two adorable puppies a few weeks back. They are the biggest babies, but just too immensely cute. You just can't resist them when you see them. I am so glad I didn't go with them to get them because I think I would have taken the last puppy home with me.

Big Camping Trip 2008...

2008-06-26T08:31:00.006-05:00

I am day late on this post. Sorry. Last weekend, almost the whole family, (my mom and sister didn't go) went camping in Table Rock, SC. I think there were 21 of us and 4 campsites. They all left before Tim and me because Tim had to work till 6pm. Everyone had different directions and no cell phone service. Tim and I began our camping adventure getting lost. We found another person that was lost, but knew where we needed to go. Thankfully. We arrived and found our tent all put together because we have great family. The first night was not that great. The air mattress had a leak, so I ended up sleeping in the car. It wasn't that bad though. The next day we hung around the campground and the kids swam in the lake. It was relaxing. Tim, Sebastian and I headed to Walmart for an air mattress. We missed the close Walmart and drove about a half hour too far. Oh well, Sebastian got a great nap. We came back to make hamburgers, hot dogs and s'mores. My loving family was taking bets that we ate at a restaurant while we were out. WE DID NO SUCH THING! The nerve! =P I learned to play Hearts with Karen, Jennifer and Laurie. I had a lot of fun just hanging out with them. That night we slept well. On Saturday, we headed to some little shops by our campground. There was a very nice lady there that did glass work. I bought myself the most beautiful cross that she made. While we were there, she talked a lot with my kids. Tim II shared his desire to go into the army for medical training. She had a good bit of stories to share about the service and her medical job. As we were getting ready to leave, she gave Tim II a glass cross. She told him to take it with him to comfort and watch over him. I had to hold back the tears. She was just so sweet. She kept telling me she knew how hard it was for a momma to let him go. I am so glad we made that stop. It was a highlight to my trip. Next up, we went to Jones Gap State Park to hike to a waterfall. It was SUPPOSED to be about a mile up to it. Ummm... it was more like 2.5 miles. Sebastian did so great. Savannah did really well too being only 5 weeks out of surgery. Even the hike was longer than I would have liked, it was so pretty. I love the kind of hikes where there are creek beds with rocks all the way up. It is just really pretty. We headed back to the campground and had a big fire with everyone. Lots of s'mores. The next day we packed up and headed home. With a stop at Red Lobster - YUM! Both Laurie and Crystal were anxious to ask me if I had a good time. I had joked at the very beginning of the trip - that I was going to return my tent. I assured them that I would be keeping the tent and would go camping again.

Jennifer "found" this snake on our hike. She actually walked up and accidentally put her hand on it while she was looking ahead at the water! YUCK!

The waterfall!

Tim II on some really pretty rocks.

S'mores! YUMMY!

Derek and Sebastian

Tim II, Karen, Jennifer and Crystal

Playing at the lake.
Derek, Kameron and Sebastian.
He had a goofy wave.
My personal camping chef.
Boys will be boys. (Shhh... don't tell Laurie Kameron was playing with the fire!)

Ummm... quick update...

2008-06-25T19:00:00.004-05:00

We went hiking at Jones Gap National Park. It was a pretty hike. Long, but really pretty.

I have been so busy since last week. Lots going on with packing, camping, unpacking, phone calls, lawsuits (yes, a lawsuit), trying to sell a house, paying bills, baking bread, etc. I have things to post and picture to upload. I really, really do. I keep trying to wash my floor too. I need more motivation. Anyway, I am going to go for a walk, I think. Maybe I will get motivated when I get back. If not tonight, then in the morning. I promise! For now, enjoy the picture from our camping trip!

My girl...

2008-06-17T08:18:00.006-05:00

Waiting for surgery.

After surgery. Good ol' Puppy right there with her.

At the doctor after surgery - Puppy taking over.

I have been thinking about writing about Savannah since her last surgery, but we were just so incredibly busy - that it escaped me. I am still incredibly busy this week and going into next, but I decided today would be the day to write about my girl. When we found out last month that she would need to have surgery again, my heart sank. She actually took the news pretty well. I think she was more upset over missing a camping trip then she was about the actual surgery. The day before her surgery, I had to take her for pre-op stuff. Tim II kept Sebastian for me. We spent a good part of the day together - just the two of us. The next day she was scheduled for surgery. Things happened and it was delayed for several hours. I got to sit in a quiet room with her all morning and into the afternoon. It occurred to me how very rare that is. I remembered back to when I was pregnant with Sebastian. Savannah was asking me if everything would stay the same - would I read to her, etc. I assured her that it would stay the same. It didn't. Sebastian was like a rocket into our lives. We love him, but he can consume me at times. I realized that Savannah very rarely gets her momma to herself. I so enjoyed sitting with her waiting for surgery as odd as that may sound. We had a trip planned to Charleston the day after her surgery. It was with the homeschool group. I was lucky enough to borrow a wheelchair and use that. Sebastian stayed behind, so again, 3 times in one week - I had time with my Savannah. You would think that would be a lot for a 9 year old to just take off a day after surgery. Not my girl. She was a trooper through all of this. She just kept going. I have only had surgery once - a tubal after Sebastian was born. I was very nervous when they wheeled me down to the operating room. My comfort level was stretched beyond what I would have liked. I wanted to tell them I had changed my mind because the fear of surgery was great. If I felt that way at 32, I can only imagine the fear of a child. I look at these pictures of my Savannah and know that she is strong. She has faith in herself. I am so lucky to be her mom. I hope we can steal moments away here and there where I can just focus on her. It really is important - very important.

Field trip to the Tea Plantation in Charleston.

Free Shipping and If You Give A Mouse A Cookie...

2008-06-12T08:29:00.004-05:00

If you have ever read If You Give a Mouse A Cookie, you will completely understand this post. If you haven't, you need to order it from your library or Amazon to really get it. I ordered my tent from Target this week. It was not that the tent was only available online. I could have went to an actual store and got the tent. Target was offering Free Shipping. I decided to take up the offer. My reason is sorta similar to the Mouse Book. For example, he'll certainly need a glass of milk to wash down that cookie, won't he? And you can't expect him to drink the milk without a straw, can you? The book goes on and on this way. Here is my reasoning... If I go to Target to buy a tent, then I will certainly need to look in the dollar section at Target spending $20 - $1 at a time. Then I will need to look at the clearance at Target. Even if I don't need a thing, I will find something that is a good deal that I just can't pass by. Then there is Salsarita's right by Target or Five Guys. I will have to have lunch and not just me - me and the kids. Then since gas costs so darn much, I will need to justify the trip and stop at Kohls since it is close by. I will need to look at all the cute kid clothes and pretty wall hangings. Buying at least 2 of something before I leave. Of course, Lowes is right next to Kohls. I will need to stop in and get one of those house things we can't live without. Then Publix is right there too, maybe I should stop in and stock up on 22 jars of Ragu since it is on sale. Seriously, this is how my brain thinks. I am trying really hard to conserve gas. I am realizing I have so much "stuff" in my new house that I haven't even put away or unpacked, that there really is no good reason to be shopping for anything. I have found if I stick close to home, my budget is pretty good. Having said all of that... my friend from Illinois is coming to visit (I think) and I just want to go to Home Depot and buy paint, then to Walmart to buy curtains, etc. Oh no, I am becoming a MOUSE WITH A COOKIE!

Choosing a tent...

2008-06-11T08:45:00.004-05:00

The WHOLE family and I mean WHOLE family is going camping next weekend. All of this sorta came about - at least for us - because Savannah wasn't able to go camping last month because of her second surgery. My heart hurt for her that she was missing something she wanted very much. So, as any "good" mom would do, I told her daddy and I would take her camping. What??? Who said that??? What was I thinking??? I told Tim very off the cuff, "Hey, we are taking the kids camping in June." He stopped what he was doing and sorta gave me this look of what the heck did you just say? We have around 20 people here give or take a teen that may or may not be doing something with everyone. Sometimes I can't remember who said what or how the ball got rolling. I *think* our friend, Laurie, really wanted to take her family camping and had already talked to my brother-in-law's family, etc. When I mentioned we were going to go camping, I *think* it went something like - yeah, so do we, let's go together. Funny, how details get fuzzy around here. The next thing I know Laurie, Karen and I are picking a spot and a weekend. Ummm... Tim and I had one small problem... no tent. We used to have a tent a bazillion years ago. Savannah doesn't believe us, but I really do have pictures. We used it exactly 4 times. The first time was the legend of a trip with Tim's brother and sisters. (A whole post for another day.) Then we took Timmy on two camping trips and had the best time. I have no idea why we didn't keep going. My only thought is we had the money to go to Disney and stay in hotels??? Crazy, huh? Then Tim and I went on a pretty dull camping trip for our 10th anniversary. When we moved from Florida, our tent was about 13 year old and had spent the last 7.5 years in a hot, humid shed. I WAS NOT opening the bag to see how it survived. I quickly threw it in the garbage pile and didn't give it a thought. Until I realized we needed to buy a tent. When I bought that other tent back in 1995, I believe I went to Montgomery Wards with a friend. I went to the tent aisle, picked the biggest tent, took it to the check-out and paid. Simple. I didn't look all over the internet, read reviews, dream about 50 different tents or consider joining Consumer Reports. I also didn't know we needed to seam seal it before we went camping and we got really wet. This time around, I decided to use the world of technology. I looked up tents at Walmart and Target. Then Tim and I went to the actual stores to look at them. Their stock was pretty bare. And I couldn't really remember which tents I had looked at online because I didn't write it down and bring it with me. I did try calling Tim II and have him look up a few tents while we were standing in the store. That was good because one we were thinking about had terrible reviews. We left the stores empty handed on Sunday. I spent a good deal of Monday looking online. I love reading Amazon reviews. I don't ever write a review, but I love reading them. The thing is that I get consumed by reviews. I can't keep track of which one I thought good and I have to keep clicking back over and over again. I spent hours doing this. I finally narrowed it down to 3 tents. The first had a really nice rain flap thingy, 20 really good reviews, free shipping from Target. The second was from a real camping store which I think means it may be a better brand, super sale price, same size as the first tent. The third was at Amazon, super price, 12 good review, 2 feet shorter. I was tempted with the frugal one from Amazon, but Tim really didn't like that is was smaller. I was tempted with the better name brand one, but Tim didn't really love the rain flap on that one. That left us with the Target one - the most expensive one - of course! I was out for quite awhile yesterday. When I got back, I knew I had to decide. I pressed submit and ordered the Target tent. I HATE, HATE, HATE making these decisions. I never feel like I choose the right thing. I told Tim which one I chose. He said it was a good choice, but I know he would have said that no matter which one I chose. I am telling myself the additional footage and better rain flap was well worth the additional cost. I am telling myself that we will most likely ~~be dragged~~ joyfully camping with family again now that we live here. I guess time will tell if I made the right choice...

Pictures from the wedding, our anniversary and family...

2008-06-09T08:56:00.004-05:00

We took these pictures after the wedding. It was just so pretty there, that I had to get some pictures of our kids. I was planning to post these this morning, we I realized it was also our 18th anniversary. I tried to find a current picture of Tim and I, but I am not having a whole lot of luck. I guess we need to ask somebody to take our picture! Anyway, it has been 18 years of marriage - today. We created this beautiful family that I am forever thankful for. Even when they are whiny and needy - er... I mean sweet as can be. What more could I ask for? As I watched Tabi get married, I was thinking about my wedding. It sure seems like such a long time ago. In some ways like it was a story that was told to me and not something I really was a part of. In other ways, I felt like we had just married. That we hadn't really already raised our oldest child. Sometimes I still "feel" like we are 18 or 19 and just beginning. Then I crawl into bed at night and feel the same familiar snuggle. He kisses my cheek in the morning as he leaves for work - I am still asleep - but I feel his whiskers. Same, familiar kiss. I realize it has been 18 good years. God has been good to us. We have been blessed. I hope for many more years of blessings.

I believe...

2008-06-07T09:16:00.002-05:00

I didn’t make this up, but I agree with it! My mom sent this to me in an email. I get lots of fwds in my mailbox. It takes me a long time to actually sit down and read them. This one really hit me, so I thought I would share. As I read these things - different times in my life popped into my head. Maybe it will do the same for you. Enjoy!

Subject: Thoughts

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born

A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived!

Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue,

it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...

That we don't have to change friends if

we understand that friends change.

I Believe...

That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt

you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...

That true friendship continues to grow, even over

the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe...

That you can do something in an instant

that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe...

That it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...

That you should always leave loved ones with

loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...

That we are responsible for what

we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe...

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...

That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...

That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best

time.

I Believe...

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you

when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had

and what you've learned from them and less to do

with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...

That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.

sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...

That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for

your grief.

I Believe...

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,

but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...

That you shouldn't be so eager to find

out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...

Two people can look at the exact same

thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...

That your life can be changed in a matter of

hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...

That even when you think you have no more to give, when

a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...

That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...

That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...

That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I

just did.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;

they just make the most of everything.'

The Wedding...

2008-06-06T08:52:00.004-05:00

The wedding was wonderful! Absolutely beautiful. I don't have that great of pictures. I think the church lighting was funny with my camera. The good news is that we will be getting the professional pictures on cd. I will post some of those when I get them. I am sure they will be awesome! Actually, I came across some photos this photographer took for their engagement pictures. When I looked at them, I started to cry - they were that beautiful. I can't even put into words how special these pictures were. I only wish I had some sort of pictures like that to capture my young love. What a gift! Tabi and Caleb were very happy and it just radiated through everyone. I am so happy for them. I have more pictures of my kids from after the wedding. The location was so pretty. It was on Goodview Road and let me tell you - it was a Good View!

This is Uncle Tim to the rescue. I bet most of you don't know that my husband is really good at putting on fake nails. He used to mine as a treat. Tabi was trying to do her own nails about 15 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start. I told her I had the fix for this and went to get Tim to do her nails. What a great uncle!

My camera really does not show how incredible her dress was. I can't wait for the other pictures.

I love the smiles on their faces! Young love!

I have never experienced a real, chocolate fountain! OH MY GOSH! They are amazing! Yummy!

Caleb and Tabitha are goin' to the chapel...

2008-05-31T10:15:00.003-05:00

This is my niece, Tabitha and her soon to be husband, Caleb. They met when she was 16 - I think that was almost 5 years ago. You know how sometimes you just know that two people are meant to be together? I know this about these two. They remind me of Tim and I when we were younger. I am so happy that we get to be here to see them become husband and wife. I pray they have the wedding of their dreams!

Credit Card Points

2008-05-31T09:52:00.005-05:00

I am in Virginia for my niece, Tabi's, wedding. We have a little time to kill before we head on over to the church. I wish I had a picture of Tabi on my computer, but I don't think I do at the moment. Anyway, we are staying at an Econo Lodge. It is not the greatest hotel I have ever stayed in by any means. The carpet seriously needs to be replaced, but on the whole it is clean enough and good enough. Why am I telling you about the Econo Lodge? Here is the thing... when I planned our trip to Williamsburg in the fall of 2006 - I was looking at a Choice Hotel for that trip. While I was booking the hotel, something popped up and asked if I wanted to get a Choice Hotel Visa. It offered me two free nights with the deal. The Visa was linked to my personal bank which made it perfect for me. This made it so I could see our balance every time I checked our online banking. It made it really convenient to pay off our card weekly. We use our VISA for everything - seriously - everything we can. We also pay it off in full about once a week. I never could get to the point of using a Visa for everything if I had to keep the receipts to know how much money to put aside to pay the total when the bill came. I can use Visa for everything if I can check the balance every few days and take it right out of my checking account. The thing with this Visa is that you get points. I know you are saying that your visa has points too. Most do. Frequent flier miles, etc. The thing is that I have found you need a lot of points for airfare, etc. With this one I earn hotel nights. Well, technically, you can use it for other stuff, but hotel nights are the most generous thing they offer - I believe. Since signing up with them - we have not had to pay for a single hotel night anywhere. Last week, when Savannah and I were in Florida - yep - three nights at a Quality Inn were free. This weekend we have two rooms for two nights - FREE! I am still ever the frugal lady though. I generally try to stick to 6000 or 8000 point hotel rooms. They have all been fine. I would say this Econo Lodge teeters on the "fine" category. My family insists it is okay and I love them for their good attitudes. I love knowing that we have about 8-10 free nights just waiting for us to use whenever we can get away. If you want to know more about Choice Hotels Visa - just go to their website - HERE! Okay, I need to get my family ready for the most lovely wedding to take place this year. Yes, there will be pictures - I promise!

Pecans, pecans, pecans...

2008-05-29T08:22:00.004-05:00

I am making a bazillion Mexican Wedding Cookies (also called snowball cookies) for my niece's wedding. I somehow volunteered to make 500 cookies to fill 250 adorable wedding boxes. I *think* I am about done baking. My mom, two sisters, and I will fill the boxes today. I would take pictures, but my camera is in Florida. I say PECAN different than my mom. I say pi-ˈkän. Here is the link to HEAR the three different ways to say it. I don't happen to like pecans at all. I tasted one of these cookies and HATED it. Everyone who loves pecans say they taste great. It is really hard to make 500 of something and not be able to tell if they taste good or not. Oh well, I guess I will trust the pecan lovers. At least I wasn't tempted to test one from each batch! Take my poll and tell me how you say PECAN. If you need to listen to the key - the link is above.

SNOWBALL COOKIES

A favorite at Christmas time, pecan-filled cookies are
scrumptious all year 'round.

Prep: 45 min Baking: 18 min

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups finely chopped pecans
1/4 cup sugar
1 cup LAND O LAKES® Butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
Powdered sugar

Heat oven to 325°F. Combine all ingredients except powdered sugar
in large mixer bowl. Beat at low speed, scraping bowl occasionally,
until well mixed (2 to 3 minutes).

Shape rounded teaspoonfuls of dough into 1-inch balls. Place 1
inch apart onto ungreased cookie sheets. Bake for 18 to 25 minutes
or until very lightly browned. Cool 5 minutes; roll in powdered
sugar while still warm and again when cool.

Makes 3 dozen cookies

Nutrition Facts (1 cookie): Calories 130, Protein 1 g,
Carbohydrate 11 g, Fat 10 g, Cholesterol 15 mg, Sodium 50 mg,
Fiber 0 g
____________________________________________________________

This recipe courtesy of Back of the Box Recipes.
www.backofthebox.com Home Page

This recipe created by Land O'Lakes.

Checking in...

2008-05-27T08:40:00.003-05:00

Last week was so incredibly busy. I was hoping I would get a post on here, but in all honestly, I just didn't have that many free moments. Savannah went to the doctor last Tuesday. She was really unhappy to find she had STAPLES for her ankle incision. (Pictures are in my camera with Timmy in Florida.) The doctor wanted to leave them in until today. We are heading there this afternoon. The good news was that she could swim with the staples in place. Whew! A weekend at a hotel in Florida without swimming would not have been a good mix. We left for Florida on Wednesday morning. Not as early as I would have liked, but not too bad. We made great time getting there. I dropped Savannah off with her friend, Serafina. They were so happy to see each other. Next, I went over to my Florida house to meet with our tenant. She is just the sweetest mom. I think if we lived near each other, we could be friends. They have been making some changes to the garage/rec room. So far it looks pretty good. They love my house and want to buy it very soon. They could use prayers to help them get the loan. I, of course, want my house to sell for obvious reasons, but I would also love for this family to be able to buy the house they really love. Finally, I met my friend Linda. I have talked about Linda, Linda, Bo, Binda before. I love this person. She has been such a great friend to me for well, we figured it out - 13 years. She took me to the most wonderful dinner at Carraba's. I had never been there. I told her that we tend to be more of Arby's people! We just talked and talked. Then we went back to her house and talked a little. Sadly, she had to get to bed because of early morning work. I woke up the next morning to an empty house. I occurred to me that I don't think I have EVER woke up in an empty house. I went from my family's home to mine, Tim and Timmy's home. I can't think of a time that nobody was home when I got up in the morning. It was very strange. It was also very relaxing. If you are a mom especially a homeschooling mom that has her kids around her every waking moment, I cannot recommend enough getting a weekend away. It does wonders for your mind, body and soul. I got my shower and ready to leave. Then I went over to my old across the street neighbors. I wanted to make sure Bev was doing well. She has been cleared of breast cancer and is well! God is Good! I had such a nice time visiting with the two of them. I really miss seeing them. I finally picked up Savannah. We met up with some other friends and got on the road to Orlando. We checked into our hotel, had dinner and then Timmy came to shuttle me over to the big convention hotel. It was SO GOOD to see our other friends. I have missed them so much! They are still all the same - full of life and great stories. They make me feel excited just because they are all on the hyper side. I say that with love! I thrive on their energy. I wandered the vendor hall for a little while and then I just went and had a good time talking with friends. Friday was busy, busy. We got to the vendor hall early and shopped. I saw a couple speakers that I enjoyed. I will try to write a separate post about the different speakers I saw. Savannah got to go to the pool with her friends thanks to Herbie (a great homeschool dad) taking her for me. Friday evening I met with my scrapbooking buddies and went to dinner. We had fun minus Betsy flinging nasty calamari at me! I went back to my hotel and called it a night. I knew Saturday was going to be a busy day. Savannah and I were up and over to the speaking ballrooms by 8:30. I am so glad I made myself get there. We listened to Carol Barnier talking about finding the gift in your child. I will add more detail later, but I am so glad I went to this. If I had time for only one speaker, this would have been my choice. She was simply inspiring. Afterward, Savannah and I had a treat. Starbucks hot chocolate. Okay, I had mine with
hazelnut. If you click that link there - you can read about my "chocolate crack". It was so incredibly yummy. We sat in the big overstuffed chairs and enjoyed our treat. Then we made our way to the curriculum hall. I hadn't bought much the day before, so I needed to get myself in gear. Seriously, I didn't need much. I did really well. I didn't break the bank. Savannah hung out with me most of the day. I stopped to meet Timmy at some point. He introduced me to Vhalyn. She is a beautiful young girl that he says he would marry in a minute. He nicely took his sister with him, so I didn't have to put her through anymore vendor hall stress. I finished up my shopping and realized there wasn't really time to go get dinner before graduation. Savannah was okay with a lunchable. I had the most wonderful idea - HAZELNUT HOT CHOCOLATE! Yes, I had TWO CUPS in ONE DAY! I felt so guilty, but I didn't care. It was the best dinner! It was perfect to grab and head to the graduation. Their were 263 homeschoolers graduating. I was emotional last year watching the graduation because my son was graduating. I didn't expect to be emotional this year though. There is just something about seeing 263 kids that their families poured themselves into to get them to that point. The girl that gave the speech had me close to tears. I can't believe how fast Savannah will be standing up there. A few our "our kids" were graduating. After the ceremony, we all met by the pool. The adults sat and talked. The little kids went in the pool. The teens went in the hot tubs. It was a very nice evening until the security kicked us out at 12:15. Party poopers. Savannah and I got back to our hotel around 1:30am. That was one long day. Sunday was to be a long day too. We got up and met Timmy. He took Savannah with him while I ran over to the Keds outlet to get shoes. The traffic was awful! We eventually all met up at Downtown Disney. It was to be the last of our visit with friends. We made our way out of their and headed for SC around 3:30. Finally rolled into the driveway around 10pm. It was a busy trip, but so fun and exciting. I am glad we did it. Savannah did amazing with having to get the hang of walking again so quickly after surgery. It was just an amazing blessing to be given the chance to visit with all of our friends.

More about my dad...

2008-05-17T14:15:00.004-05:00

My sister posted a comment below about some of her memories of my dad. I wish my other sister and brother were into computers. They could share as well. Leann, you are right about the Christmas Eve rides. They were the best! My dad took us kids out to do donuts in the snow on Christmas Eve. Oh, ummm... I guess we were supposed to just be looking at lights. Santa would come to the house while we were gone. I loved this time with him and looked forward to it every year. I was also thinking about how on one Mother's Day we went driving around. Hey Jude was playing on the radio. He turned it up really loud. When you got to the NA... NA... NA... NANANA... part - Hey Jude - we all just started singing it as loud as we could. It was so much fun! Every time I hear that part of that song, I feel like I am sitting in the car between my mom and dad singing my lungs out. Good times. I could sit here all day and think of more things. He always went to my softball games. The only reason I played softball was because I knew my dad would come to my practice and games. He would come straight from work to watch me. All dressed in his suit and tie. His mustache. He shaved it once when I was really little. I cried and told him to put it back. He grew it back right away and never shaved it again. Great times. I was a lucky kid.

My dad...

2008-05-17T09:49:00.003-05:00

It has been 10 years, today, since my dad passed away. I wondered why my mom was really wanting us all to go to dinner together and then it hit me - what day is it? Sure enough I looked at the calendar and there it was. 10 Years. Where did 10 years go? I have had two babies since then. We have moved twice. 10 Years. It is a long time and in some ways not so long. I told Savannah and Sebastian it had been 10 years today. They never met their grandpa. Timmy was my only then. My dad loved him to pieces. He was "Timmy Boy" to my dad. If there was ever a good reason to have your children while you are young it is so your parents have more years with them. I was pregnant with Savannah when my dad passed away. The very week he was in the hospital, I had my ultrasound that said it looked like she was probably going to be a girl. I remember going to his hospital room and telling him, "We think we have ourselves a girl!" He asked me what we were going to name her. I told him "Savannah". He said that was a "hillbilly name". I know it sounds harsh, but it wasn't. It was his sense of humor. He was really happy we were going to have a brand new baby girl soon. My dad was sick for a really long time before he died. You would have thought we were prepared for him to go home. It was still a surprise to all of us.

I wasn't a daddy's girl when I was growing up. I was (still am) a mommy's girl. My dad was a good dad. He took care of us and made sure we didn't go without. He wasn't mean or angry. Sure, he had a booming voice and many people thought he was scary. I never really thought that about him. He was just dad - with the big voice. I remember being very little and sitting in his lap while he would read the newspaper. He seemed HUGE to me. Great big arms and could hold the whole paper wide open to read it. I remember being older and going to work with him on Saturday morning sometimes. I remember stopping at the Clark's gas station for candy. He brought me out a Hershey's with Almonds Big Block Bar. I was so excited. When my niece, Sarah, was born, we would take her to visit his friends. She was maybe 1 year old at the time. He loved his Sarah Bearah. He had so much pride bringing her to all of his friends' houses. When I got pregnant, it was hard for my dad at first. I was 16 and had chosen to plan to start my family. Some parents would be angry and not help. My dad was angry. Then he helped. He made sure I had everything I needed. On the day that Timmy was born, he was right there. When they wheeled me from the delivery room, my arms felt heavy and I thought I would drop Timmy off the cart. I handed him to my dad. That was the beginning of a wonderful 9 year relationship between my dad and Timmy Boy. He got sick right after that. Oh, what a struggle he had ahead of him. It was a long battle. The following year, we told him we were getting married. He wasn't walking at the time. He got into rehabilitation and he got himself walking with a walker and then a cane. He walked me down the aisle. My scrapbook page says that "Parents are supposed to be proud of their kids on their wedding day, but I was proud of my dad." I was so happy to have him walk me down the aisle.

My kids are all daddy kids. They love me and they have fun with me, but they adore their dad. I loved my dad and I knew he loved me. What really stuck out to me though was the old saying that says something about children feeling loved when their father loves their mother. My dad LOVED my mom. He adored my mom. If there was one thing I could say about my dad it would be how much my mom meant to him. It was a good way to grow up. I hope my dad is proud of who I have become. I hope he has been watching my kids grow up. He would get such a kick out of them. I love you dad!

Absent...

2008-05-16T23:04:00.003-05:00

Busy, busy, busy... pre-op appointments on Monday, Savannah's surgery on Tuesday, all day field trip on Wednesday, laundry and more laundry on Thursday, cleaning and cookie baking on Friday. I have all sorts of posts in my head. Some I want to post, others I am not sure I should. Oh and I am having so much fun using my Itunes gift card from my birthday. My refurbished IPOD nano arrived today. Tim gave me a $25 gift card. I am just listening to lots of music. I don't have a busy weekend planned, so I will try to get some of my pictures and thoughts together. Come back tomorrow!

My Oldest...

2008-05-09T15:36:00.005-05:00

(Don't ask me why his shirt was so wet!)

I have been thinking about this post for awhile. Tim II wants to join the military. Seems like a simple sentence to write, but probably one of the more difficult ones I have ever written. I never, ever saw him as a kid who would join the military. Don't get me wrong... I respect our military. I have several family members and a few friends that are or were in the military. It is not that I don't think a great deal of them. I just never thought about MY SON joining the military. He is 19 and trying to figure out who he is going to be. I have been so busy taking care of Savannah and Sebastian the last 3 years, that it seems that Tim II just grew up without my permission. Tim II says he wants to be an EMT/Medic. He wants to get training for this. Part of me wants him to just take the courses here and go that route. Part of me suspects a 4 month course in EMT training is just not what you make a career out of. He looked into the volunteer fire department (and was accepted) to get training there. I was pleased and thought that might be the way. Then he came home with the news he really wanted to just join the military. Uggghhhh!!! So, over the last month or so, I have been thinking on this a lot. Somehow my brain latched on to a memory of him riding his bike to school for the first time. He was 7 and in 1st grade. The school was not far by any means. He begged all year to ride his bike. I kept telling him he was too young. Finally at the very end of the school year, I agreed to let him ride with our neighbor kids, Adam and Amber. Amber was several years older than him and I knew she would keep an eye on him. The night before he was going to ride his bike to school, I was so worried. I wanted to tell him that I had changed my mind. My stomach was in knots. I kept seeing him get hit by a car or getting taken by somebody or an alien coming out of the sky to scoop him up. I was a wreck. The next morning came and he got ready for school so quickly. He got his helmet on and was ready to dart out the door. I made him stop so I could snap a picture. I needed to record this astounding event. I was, after all, letting my only child - my little boy - the love of my life - ride his bike to school. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I held my breathe and I let him go. I let him do it and he was fine. He was happy and growing up. So, I have been thinking about that a lot this month. I don't want my son to go away. I want him to live close to me always. I want him to come over for chicken Parmesan. I want him to be there for Sebastian and Savannah's birthdays. I want him to hang out with me the next time I may find myself in a hospital because my kids banged themselves up again - cheering me on and letting me know it will be okay. I want him to be in my daily life. My heart aches that he will leave me someday. I fear he won't come back. That he will meet some wonderful young lady that has family is Arizona or Seattle or some very far away place. He will call me and say he is in love and moving there. My heart will break. I have been his momma since I was 16 years old. I went from a child to having a child. I have spent the last 20 years trying to be the best mom I could be. Now, I am just supposed to let him go. Just like when he was 7 and wanted to ride his bike to school. Only this time, the tears have been coming and I am trying really hard to be supportive. I am just going to have to hold my breathe and let him go.

Tim II can use some prayers...

2008-05-08T09:14:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all! (look I am starting talk like I am from the South!) Timmy is headed to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station). I am asking for prayers that he makes wise decisions while he is there. He has clear ideas of what he wants to be offered. We need to pray he has the right test scores and that God puts him on the right path. If you want to say a prayer for his momma - that she can accept this is what he wants to do - that would be great too! I have started and stopped a post about this several times. It is there, I will hit publish at some point.

Strawberry picking...

2008-05-05T22:11:00.005-05:00

Last week we went strawberry picking. Timmy, Savannah and I went picking in Florida 6 years ago and had a blast. I have no idea why it has taken us this long to go again. This time we were lucky enough to invite a whole bunch of family along for the fun. It was a perfect day to be out there. I think everyone had a great time!

It is hard working "testing" the quality of these strawberries!

Somebody has got to do it!

Best Buds!
(Okay, they just don't know it yet!)

Derek working very hard to find the best berries.

Laurie, Crystal and Savannah

Karis and Vilma

Who is that pretty girl tasting a berry?

I love this smile! =)

Savannah had the brilliant idea to melt chocolate for the fresh strawberries.

The ups and downs a week can take...

2008-05-05T08:36:00.003-05:00

Last week was a draining week. Yes, I remember that I try not to whine on my blog. After all, I just wrote about that like last week. Bare with me. There will be more to this than just a whine, I promise. Last Monday morning, I woke up to our Florida tenants calling us and telling us the house air conditioning was broken again. Ugh! Absolutely not what I wanted to hear. Okay, I can deal with it. I decided to not call the AC place back that was our there last month because we had several problems with them. You are just playing Russian Roulette when you have to find an AC guy in Pinellas County. There are 800 of them and most of them are crooks. I did finally get somebody out there and the price wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't penny candy. It took a few days to get this cleared up. During that time, I was trying to potty train Sebastian. I realize this is not rocket science, but it may very well be the most frustrating thing I have ever tried to do. I am just plain worn out from it. It is one mess after another. Even if I were not potty training (which I may be giving up - read on), Sebastian has been - how does one say - very ACTIVE lately. He is just getting taller and bigger and into so many more things. It is one big mess after another. That brings me to Friday morning. I took Savannah to the doctor for what I thought was her last ankle appointment. The doctor comes in and says we need to schedule surgery. HUH? WHAT? SURGERY? Panic set in. My head was swirling. I don't like my baby girl to have to have anything like surgery done again. Then my brain went to her current insurance is ending at the end of May. Then she will have less coverage and this may be pre-existing, etc. I started rambling to this poor doctor and his nurses. We left the doctor's office waiting for more information to come later. I was in a fog the rest of the day. Tim came home from work. He puts his check on the counter. He was supposed to be a due a pretty substantial raise this week. A raise that would be so needed and so wonderful. I look and the raise it not there. Add to my fog. The weekend continues, mostly okay except for washing my cell phone in the washing machine and then on Saturday night or more appropriately Sunday morning, Tim II calls. He is pretty amped up and he says he just hit a deer going 70 mph on the highway. My heart just raced.

Lots of drama for that past week, huh? More than I prefer. That was the whine part. Make no mistake that I was worn out, crabby, sad, emotional and any other adjective you would like to add in there. Here comes the part that allows me to put all of this on my "no-downer" blog. Let's back up to the AC in Florida... It really does stink that we have had to pay more that what we make in a months rent for repairs on that house in the past 30 days. It stinks, but God somehow made sure we had the money. Nobody had to starve or go without this week to make sure we could tend to that house. Now lets talk about Savannah's surgery. The nurses in this doctor's office were wonderful. They got on the phone with the sometimes frustrating insurance company and got them to approve another surgery. Even though this all happened in the out of state and out of network place. They got it scheduled for next Tuesday instead of the end of the month because we are going to Florida for convention and then to Virginia for Savannah to be in my niece's wedding. They just took care of it for me. The other thing is that Savannah will be fine. She will heal from this. Her doctor is making sure she is getting the best care. He doesn't like the way the screws are affecting her growth plates, so he is taking action. That is way better than saying we will deal with it when it is really a problem affecting her growth. After we left the doctor's office, in my fog, we went to target. There was a car in the parking lot with "PRAY FOR CLAY" on the back window. I have seen this little boy on the news. He has cancer. I have prayed for him. I thought, "Wow... this is just a routine surgery. What are you in a fog about? You need to pray for Clay and get your head screwed on right!" Then we are onto Tim's pay raise. A short while after I noticed his raise wasn't on his check, Tim came out to talk to me. He said his boss forgot to include the raise on his check and he just gave him some cash to cover it this week. He handed me the cash! Okay, what was next? My cell phone. I have insurance - hopefully it will either dry out or I will get a new one. It stinks I have to get all those phone numbers again, but I have already gotten a bunch of emails with number from my friends and family today giving me their numbers. It is nice to wake up and open an email box with notes from these people. Finally, there is the deer hitting Timmy's car. Oh my! I am still just ill over this. I keep thinking what if he hadn't been okay. My sweet niece, Joanna, lost a friend from this very incident. I cried so many times yesterday thinking what if it had been different. I was a mess. It doesn't matter that he is 19 and 220 lbs. He is my baby. Just sitting here thinking of it, is making me cry. Where is the good in this? His car is wrecked. We dropped comp and collision insurance last month. Well... he is safe! He was not hurt! He called me for help! You know what else... he has the MOST AMAZING ATTITUDE! He worked so hard to pay for that car. He paid for every dime of it over these years. It is wrecked. He is still not in a bad mood. He was not crabby or anything. He was just thankful he was okay. I am proud of him. I don't think I would be so together. Heck, I was really, super ticked I washed my cell phone. I mean - I was throwing a mini-tantrum. It was a cell phone, not my car that I had put all my money into for 3 years. Heck, he still owes money to us for parts he had to have put on this winter. Nope. He didn't throw a tantrum. He just accepted it. He is growing up. The other good news is that Tim just bought an old truck. That means we have an extra vehicle for Timmy to drive until we figure out what is next. We had no idea when we bought that truck, we would really be needing it. So, there were lots of ups and downs this week. Each time I was down, I found myself just praying. Praying and praying some more. I didn't know what else to do. God took care of each of these things. No, some aren't exactly the way I would like. I really don't want Savannah to have surgery. I really would like Timmy's car to be just fine. They aren't perfect, but they aren't unimaginable. We can live with them. Somehow, God is working it all out. I am still praying about potty training. I don't have any silver lining story for that one. I bet you were all hoping I was going to to say - POOF! On Friday, Sebastian was fully potty trained. No such luck. I guess God can't answer all of my prayers in a week. Maybe this week?

Birthday pictures...

2008-04-30T08:23:00.003-05:00

Yes, I realize my birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I just went to look if I had any pictures to blog about. Surprisingly, I haven't been taking a ton of pictures like usual. I really only had about 2 choices of things to blog about. I am still working on a blog post in my head that I am just not ready to post yet. We are also heading out strawberry picking today, so I KNOW I will have pictures to post about that. My mom had a birthday party for me at her new house. I had a great time. I was sorta nervous about having a birthday party here because there are A LOT of people now. It sorta intimidates me that everyone would be coming over because it was my birthday. It reminded me of when I was in grade school and the music teacher would parade you around the big class sitting in a circle. She would wave your arms in the air while they sang happy birthday. Then she would give you birthday spankings. I was always thrilled when my birthday fell during spring break and I missed that kind of excitement. I know this isn't an exciting post. It is something. It shows all the wonderful people in my life.

Tim took this photo and cropped it.

My mom got Karen a thank you gift.

A portion of the "crew".

My family! =)

Lemonade Stand...

2008-04-25T16:19:00.003-05:00

Savannah has been asking if she and Karis could have a lemonade stand all week long. I bought a big thing of Country Time a few weeks back. Then I brought home a baby bottle from church. We are supposed to fill it with spare change that will be donated to the crisis pregnancy center. Somewhere along the line, she decided it would be good to have a lemonade stand to donate the money. Ummm... then she sorta thought maybe half of the money. Silly girl! I am leaving it up to her. I ran out to Walmart to get them some cups today. While I was driving there, I got to remembering having lemonade stands when I was a kid. I have mentioned my best friend, Patty, before. We lived next door to each other from the time we were 2 until we were 18. We were always together. When I was blessed with a baby girl, I almost immediately began wondering if she, too, would find her "Patty". Tim used to joke with me that I was always looking for her "Patty". I did, too. When she was about 3, I started going to homeschool co-ops and park days. If you homeschool and don't have a lot of kids, you have to find other kids. We didn't have a lot of neighborhood kids. The kids that did live there, were gone all the time. I got Savannah in girl scouts to find friends and she did make amazing friends there. I stopped worrying so much. When we decided to move to SC, we originally were thinking about building a house. Then the house next door to Tim's brother came up for sale. It wasn't the house I was dreaming of, but it was NEXT DOOR to family. My mind went right to living next door to Patty. Savannah and Karis have been friends as well as cousins since the day they were born. Debi and I tried to get together a few times a year. We were always talking about "the cousins" year round to keep them connected. The girls would play together and have a great time. They really always got along. Tim II and his cousin Sean (3 months younger) never got along as well as Savannah and Karis did and still do. Moving next door was just icing on the cake. I loved looking out the window this afternoon and see them having a simple lemonade stand. It just gave my heart that warm and fuzzy feeling. I am so glad we moved in next door.

A serious note...

2008-04-22T23:29:00.003-05:00

I have debated on posting this, but I think I need to. In case any of you happened to read some rather nasty comments on my blog lately, I thought I might address them. When I started my blog 2 years ago, I wasn't sure what I would be blogging about. I had read some other homeschool moms' blogs and really enjoyed them. I took something away from each one. It may have been a simple recipe or a really inspiring moment of faith. I just knew I liked the whole idea of blogging. I was also still trying to work through some feelings of loss and found that if I blogged, I felt more steady. When I created my blog, I decided that I wanted to highlight "blessings" in my life. I had ran across some blogs where the author spent a good deal of time complaining about something. I am not saying complaining is all bad. Some blogs are specifically meant for that purpose. I am sure I have complained a time or two (or three) on my blog. Honestly, though, I try not to. It is not that I have a "perfect" life. If you followed any of my posts from last year, I would think you would see my life was far from perfect. It was a struggle on some of those days and weeks to keep my hopes up and find a blessing to post about. That is why I call it Crazy Everyday Blessings. It is to try to find a blessing in every. single. day. I posted once about how my blog got its name - click here. That brings me to the comments that have appeared on my blog. I have deleted them because they were hurtful. Not only to me, but to my mom, my sister and my husband. I could have just deleted them and let it go. I actually did that last week. Then I didn't blog for a whole week. I didn't blog because the comments stung. It made me not want to come to my blog and write anything. Tonight, I found another nasty comment. It was mean and was directed at my mom's new home. The new home that my mom loves. The new home that Tim's family - my family has put so much work into. I decided that sometimes when somebody is mean, you have to call them on it. This person that keeps writing nasty things is my brother's mentally ill girlfriend. I say mentally ill because she is indeed mentally unstable. My family has dealt with her for the past decade and it only seems to get worse. She has caused my family so much pain and probably doesn't deserve an ounce of my time. But... for whatever reason... she is reading my blog. So, Linda, I have put my blog on moderation. Your comments will no longer appear. I will not allow you to take a place I have made peaceful for two years and turn it into a sick place. This is a place for blessings. The kind that include an egg hunt with Grandma or a garden with daddy. You are welcome to come here and read and maybe something will inspire you. You are not welcome to post negative and awful things. Linda, please respect that my family has moved far from you and we have asked nothing of you. You are free to live your life, but please leave us alone. Okay, now we can go back to my regularly scheduled Crazy Everyday Blessings.

Earth Day...

2008-04-22T22:58:00.003-05:00

I missed posting this on Earth Day by about 15 minutes. I am not what I would call a fanatic about eco-friendly things. I am not into all things organic and healthy. I am learning, but I am not really there. I have respect for those who learn and know and do more about this... I am just not completely to that point. I try to do the simple things that most of us know about. I usually turn off the water when I brush my teeth. I try not to use a bazillion paper towels. I turn off lights when they are not being used. Those are pretty small things. A few girl scout meetings back, Savannah's leader was reading to us about plastic water bottles. She made this one comment that just was like one of those "wow" moments for me. She stated that EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PLASTIC THAT HAS EVER BEEN MADE IS STILL ON THIS PLANET!!! Did you read that? EVERY SINGLE PIECE! Here is the thing... my mom has joked with my kids that she is "older than plastic" meaning she was born before plastic was mainstream. It can take 100 years to break down a piece of plastic. Plastic hasn't been around for 100 years, so all that plastic is still out there. To back up, even before Savannah's scout meeting, I had been thinking about buying reusable water bottles. My reason for this was that we moved to SC and had a filtered water dispenser in our refrigerator. The water tastes great. Nothing like anything you would get from filtered water in Florida. Florida water is icky. When I went to her girl scout meeting, it just motivated me more. Add to that, Savannah needed to commit to a task that help our environment. I looked a few options online. Sigg Bottles were one option, but pricey to get 5 of them. One day I was in Target and found Eddie Bauer bottles over by the camping gear. They were about $6.99 each. They came in an assortment of colors and sizes. I got Tim II the huge one because he fills it for his shift at work. I got Tim, me and Savannah the 22 oz ones. I didn't get Sebastian one because I really wanted to test them out first. Actually, he uses Tim's during the week when we run errands because Tim doesn't take his to work. It has been about a month or so of using them. They are not made of plastic. They don't have the funny taste bottles can get. Best of all they are dishwasher safe. I am absolutely amazed at how well my family adapted to using refillable water bottles. I thought they would still want the convenience of grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge. They all just took to placing their water bottle on the counter by the fridge and filling it as they need it. Even Tim! If he is out working on the garden on the weekend, he fills his bottle! Complete success! I am going to get Sebastian his own too. This is my tip for helping the environment and also saving a little money on bottled water. Next up for me I think will be using my own reusable bags at the grocery store. I already own about 5 totes. There really isn't a good reason that I don't take those with me to the store. I read today that it can take 1000 years for the plastic grocery bags to break down. Paper isn't better because of the amount of trees it cuts down. I think a small step forward is something. I am not ready to compost just yet. (Even though Tim would love it for his garden!)

My new couch...

2008-04-15T11:59:00.002-05:00

This is my new couch. It is sorta a birthday present to myself. We only had one living/family room in Florida, but we have two in South Carolina. So, we needed more seating. We were using my mom's furniture while she was living here. For some reason, she thought she needed to take her furniture with her to her new home. The picture doesn't really show how POOFY the couch is. I posted on the Well Trained Mind message board asking if the POOFINESS would go away. It is really comfortable and matches well. It is just, well... POOFY! I ordered it on the computer without seeing it in person. I have 48 hours to decide if I want to keep it. Tim came home for lunch and said he thought it would break in fine. I guess I will believe him and just keep it.

Today is my birthday and Saturday was moving day...

2008-04-14T08:35:00.003-05:00

I am 36 today. I sorta feel 36 and I sorta don't. My body feels more like 36 and sometimes I realize that I have learned a whole lot since I was 18, but sometimes I don't really feel all that older than somewhere around 28-30. I just don't really feel like I am old enough to have a 19 year old, 9 year old, 3 year old, a dog, 2 houses, a million responsibilities, etc. I guess I am. I have BIG PLANS for my day. I have been thinking about these plans for a couple days. I want to unpack books. Yep... that is my plan. Back to moving day being on Saturday... my mom and sister moved into their own place. Now I LOVE my mom and my sister. I really, really, really do. They love me and my family too. I am sure they really, really, really do. I also know that we are ALL very happy to have our own homes. I do think it is interesting how God's timing worked it that my mom and sister were here for the duration of Savannah's injury. She was released from using crutches on Friday. (Actually walking is a whole 'nuther post.) She will be off of these crutches as soon as she learns to balance and walk again. It was very helpful to have my mom and sister here to help me with everything because Savannah's injury added a lot of extra stuff. Now I have lots of work to do. I have to do some cleaning because things can get messing when you are pulling tons of boxes and stuff out of every nook and cranny. I have to put two book shelves together. Then I get to unpack and organize my books. To some, that may not sound like a fun thing. I am really excited about it! I packed up these books a whole YEAR ago to get our house ready for sale. I can't wait to look through and find some of my favorites to share with Sebastian (and Savannah because she will still listen to "little kid" stories). I might just bake some chocolate chip cookies too. Just because they sound good and I have been avoiding baking them because I knew I would eat them. We will have a family party on Wednesday night, so today and tonight is free to just unpack stuff. I guess I need to get a shower and get moving if I am going to accomplish all these things I think I am going to accomplish.

FPEA Homeschool Convention

2008-04-09T08:45:00.003-05:00

I don't have much to blog about, so this is came to mind. I have written each year about attending the HUGE homeschool convention in Florida. I really wasn't sure if we would continue to go since we moved. The truth is that I don't really NEED to see any curriculum close-up. Sure, I would like to see Math-U-See again, but they do have demos on their website. I am pretty decided on most things for next year. The thing is that we miss our friends and a lot of them will be attending the convention. It makes it easy to visit everyone in one place. So, because of this, Savannah and I will be heading to Florida. Tim II is actually going too, but on his own. He is going to spend a week between the convention and "home". I am using this convention thing to convince Savannah she needs to get up her feet as soon as the doctor says it is okay. I keep reminding her how far it is to walk at the hotel and how she will want to be running around with her friends. My mom and Tim are going to keep Sebastian for me. That will make the whole thing much easier. I am getting excited thinking about a few days with just Savannah, me and our friends. I *may* try to leave a day earlier and go back "home" so Savannah can see her friend Serafina and I can see my friend, Linda Linda Bo Binda (yes, that really is her name). I haven't talked to my mom just yet. Hey, mom, if you are reading this... what do you think? I know - I will owe you much chocolate for watching Sebastian for an extra day. Okay, more than MUCH CHOCOLATE - EXTREME AMOUNTS OF GHIARDELLI CHOCOLATE! If you want to know more about the convention - click here FPEA Homeschool Convention. If you would like to know about Ghiardelli's Ice Cream - the place Savannah and I will consume much ice cream and about the Keds Outlet - the place I replace my beloved tennis shoes - click here Ice Cream and Shoes (what a mix!). Now, I must shower and head out to the mall with my children! AHHHH!!! I need to get some shampoo and conditioner from the the Bath and Body shop. Then I have to go to Sam's - it seems everytime I buy food - they eat it.