Savannah got her first tattoo tonight. Her dad and I took her just like we went with Timmy to get his first tattoo. And some of you out there are at this very moment saying out loud or in your head, "What the heck are her parents thinking letting her get a tattoo?!?!?" Trust me... I hear you... I know you are saying and thinking it. And I should not care or give a hoot, but sadly, I do! But, for just a minute let me explain WHY we allowed her to do this and then if you still think we are crazy, well, that is your call and I don't give a hoot! For the record, we would not have allowed her to just go out and get ANY old tattoo. What we did consider and after months of thought and talking about - finally agreed to - is a tattoo that is the drawing her brother sent her on her 10th birthday. When she was 9 years old, Savannah's older brother, Timmy, joined the Army and was sent to Oklahoma for basic training. He was there when her 10th birthday rolled around. It was the first time they were not together on her birthday. When kids are homeschooled, they are TOGETHER A LOT!!! He was with her nearly every day for 9.5 years of her life. He made her lunch a lot of days and they were connected. So, when her birthday was coming up, he couldn't get her a present because he was in Basic. He drew her a picture. The picture has a story - when he was younger his best friend, Patrick and him, created stick figures for themselves. Later, Timmy tattooed those stick figures on his ankle. So, he sent her this drawing and he made her an honorary stick figure. She was thrilled to get this simple drawing for her birthday and for a 10 year old missing her brother it was huge! When Savannah was 11, her brother was killed in a car accident. To say that this has been hard on her and our family is just words. It doesn't even touch the emotion that is really involved. Unless your world has been devastated by losing a loved one - you have no freaking clue and don't even try to say you do. Timmy was a tattoo crazy person. And not long after his death, Savannah began to tell us that some day she was getting a tattoo of those stick figures. As she led up to her 16th birthday - she began to talk about it more and more. Tim and I talked and talked and talked some more. Then I do what I always do... I asked my mom her opinion. Then I asked my SC friends. Finally, I asked my bestest friend, Jorgena, what she thought of it. ALL OF THEM said that under the circumstances, they could see this being okay. And, yet, I still had to think on it some more. Ultimately, I realized that my sweet girl has struggled greatly the last 5 years. I have seen her not sure how to answer the uncomfortable question of "Do you have any siblings?" I have seen her not want to talk about what happened to her brother. I have seen her face emotions that I don't wish on anyone. Finally, we decided that we believed that she would never regret this particular tattoo. We believe that each of us have to do things that help us put shattered pieces of heart back in place. For her that is a tattoo. If it gives her the strength she needs to talk about him and feel him close to her - then I am certain we made the right choice. I didn't owe any of you an explanation. But I know all too well that people form opinions of people without knowing all the facts. She is my baby and she has been through more grief than she has ever deserved. If my telling people why she has been allowed to do something spares her just one person looking down upon her, then I am glad I did it. Just remember everyone has stuff they are dealing with and you may really not have any idea how hard that is.
Have you heard about this app called Time Hop? It shows you your facebook posts on the same day in years past. It is pretty neat to see what you were up to years ago. My time hop told me, yesterday, was the day we bought our first South Carolina rental. I hadn't really been thinking about that at all until I saw it. That, in turn, made me reflect on the journey our life has taken in the 4 years since that time. Lots of you know that I am the "Crazy House Lady" as some of my friends like to call me. Some of you know why I am, but I suspect many of you don't know why we would decide to buy 7 more rental houses over 3 years bringing our total to 8 rentals including our original Florida rental property. As with so many things, my life is divided into the parts of "before Timmy died" and "after Timmy died". Before he died, we owned our Florida rental property because we could not sell that dang house no matter how hard we tried. With my job layoff, economy, etc. it made the most sense to rent it out and move up here to South Carolina. The plan was NEVER to stay landlords. The plan was to wait for the market to return and sell the house. When Timmy died, he left life insurance behind. I still, to this day, can remember the phone conversation we had in early 2010. Tim had recently begun working for the State of SC and now had life insurance benefits. I was telling Timmy about them because he was the named guardian of the younger kids. I remember Timmy saying, "Oh yeah, mom! I forgot to tell you that I put you down for my life insurance! If anything happens to me... you will be set!" Me being me told him to HUSH! DON'T SAY SUCH THINGS! DO NOT SPEAK OF THAT! I am always saying KNOCK ON WOOD! He laughed and that was the end of that conversation. I didn't give it much thought. Not until Sgt. Fetters sat at my table going over the details of my child's death. He spoke quietly and directly and matter of fact. Like we should know exactly what he was talking about when he referred to life insurance. We did not. We didn't know anything. The more he spoke, the more I became physically ill. I wanted to RUN from the table, but didn't because I was thinking that would be rude. So, I sat and I made myself listen. Weeks passed and we did not speak of it. It was money that sat in an account because my child was dead. It hurt and I hated it and I wanted it gone and my child back. We decided to pretty much do nothing because neither one of us wanted to think about it. Then in January of 2011, I woke up and looked out the window. I saw a for sale sign in the yard across the street. I tell you, it was like divine intervention! I had this peace that said to me - buy that house. I called Tim and thought he would think I was insane! He didn't at all. He told me to call a realtor. We had a friend, Celeste, that sold my mom her house. I called her and honestly, she was so gentle and kind with the crazy, insecure, emotional wreck that I was. And so began a new path. At that moment, we thought we would buy 1 or 2 houses in the neighborhood. Our grand plan in a perfect world was that we would secure the price of houses at today's prices and sell them deeply discounted to each of our kids when the time came. Then they could live right by us and NEVER, EVER go to Alaska. Okay, okay... we knew they may not want to live there RIGHT by us, but at the very least - we could then sell the houses and give them a large chunk of money to put down on whatever house they wanted. So, we bought the first house and we had to renovate it. This is where I think that God knows exactly what you need and when you need it. We needed a project. We needed something to talk about other than the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM i.e. our child had died. We needed focus and a reason to get out of our comfy and safe chairs. We had to pick paint colors and flooring and appliances, etc. Then we physically did all the work ourselves. Just ask my children about removing wallpaper - they will tell you they have been traumatized!
We could have paid somebody, but we didn't. We put our energy into a new beginning of a house. We finally finished it and stood back and had some happiness over what we had accomplished. And then on May 14, 2011 - one year to the day my boy had to go away - I signed a lease on that house. Our wonderful tenants are still there almost 4 years later. I knew that this is what we were supposed to do. And so it went... we bought another house that year, two more the next year - 2012, two more the next year - 2013 and our final one in 2014. Most of these houses needed renovations and it kept our minds active as we navigated this new world of ours.
There are times when my phone is ringing or I am meeting crazy people that want to rent our place that I think this was a huge mistake. But, overall, I feel like we were guided to exactly what we were supposed to do. Our hope is that these houses will provide security not only for Savannah and Sebastian, but their families. Our wish is that he is proud that we took what he gave and we worked to make it something to last in his memory. We believe that there will be a day when our kids talk about how Uncle Timmy served his country and provided for these houses - Pyro Tim Properties.
