Real, honest to goodness things that I have said today...

Today we ran errands. We stopped at Albertson's to stock up on soda. They had it 5 - 12 packs for $10. You really can't beat that. So... I am the loony woman with the grocery cart that has the little race car on the front. I load Sebastian in. Savannah really wants to ride, but I tell her she is just a little too tall for this one. She REALLY wants to ride. Before I know it... she has CRAMMED herself into the front of this cart. I find myself saying, "Savannah, just because you WANT to ride, does not mean you can fold yourself up, crush the front plastic part and fit yourself in." Maybe not all that odd of a thing to say, but remember that is just one of many things that I find myself saying in a day. Things I really never thought I would say before. We then head over to pay for our 20 cases of soda. Yes, I did just type 20 cases of soda. Tim drinks Mountain Dew. I can be sure that we will eventually go through all of this and at $2 a case... you just gotta stock up, right? I now choose to use the self check out because I fear that the poor check out lady will have to ring it in 4 different orders because I never know if there is a limit of 5 per order, etc. I am the loony lady ringing 5 cases of soda at a time. I cringe thinking that somebody is watching me on a camera somewhere thinking why the heck is the lady buying all that soda and why on EARTH did she fold that poor little 8 year old girl up like that and smoosh her into the cart? I am sure I spoke while I was doing this check out, but miraculously I believe I only said something like stay in the cart. Usually, when we do self check out it is a nightmare. Sebastian believes he must scan everything whether it is my order or not. He will just randomly start grabbing things - books, gum, whatever and scan away. We leave the store and head to the bank. Sebastian knows what comes with going to the bank. He wants a sucker, of course. That actually went quite smoothly as well. Next we head to the fresh veggie store. Here is where I am starting to lose my children. Sebastian goes running off like a wild man. Savannah keeps asking for a green apple. I tell her that she can get a couple green apples. Savannah is carrying my mom's basket. My mom keeps asking her WHY she is getting green apples because she doesn't want any. I keep trying to tell my mom that I told Savannah she could get some for herself. My mom is not hearing me. Savannah is not hearing my mom. Sebastian is running around like a wild man. Finally, I say more loudly - "Savannah wants to eat a green apple - they are NOT for you mom. Savannah - apple - my basket!" You would think this would not be so difficult, but somehow it is. Next Sebastian is putting himself in the refrigerators. Yes, that is right... I have one child that folds herself up to fit in a cart and another that tries to close himself in the refrigerators. That comes my next line, "Sebastian, get out of that refrigerator. You are going to break it!" Okay, I am concerned that he could close himself in, but I choose you scare him with breaking it instead. After all, he has no fear of closing himself in because that is EXACTLY what he is trying to do. We finally get to leave the veggie stand and head to Michael's. We were only going to run in and get a quick thing. Of course, that never happens. Soon Sebastian is laying on the floor playing with his cars. My mom nearly trips over him and that gets me to say, "Sebastian, don't lay on the floor there, you are going to trip your Grandma!" As if laying on the floor in Michael's is a perfectly normal thing to do. We do finally leave the store and this is where the WINNER of all my lines come from. As we are crossing the main road to the parking lot, Sebastian pulls my hand and stops us. He tells me, "Wait, wait!" It seems as though he needs to stop in the middle of the road to pick his nose! I turn to him and tell him that, "We can't stop in the middle of the road to pick our nose, we must keep going or a car will hit us." Isn't that what all mother's tell their children in the Michael's parking lot?