Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Five years...

This is the card. I couldn't make it bigger. If you click on it, it shows up bigger.

Today marks a day that so many of us wish was not true. Today, it has been five years since we lost Debi. I always think about her - every day. I thought about her every day before we lived here and now that I see her children on most days - she is on my mind. I have been missing her more lately because I feel like I need my friend back to get me through all the "stuff". I want to talk to her and share all sorts of things. I have been thinking about posting about this since a sermon at church. It was about angels. I just never got around to it. Today is a good day to post about angels. On the morning after Debi died, Tim wanted the family to go to Burger King. I think he just needed to get out of the walls surrounding us. We took the kids and my mom and headed off. I was so numb. I literally could not feel anything, but extreme grief. I couldn't eat and I couldn't think. I felt like the air had been sucked out of the world. I sipped on orange juice and we just all sat very quietly. Tim still smoked at the time. He went outside to smoke and the kids and I followed him. I felt so lost that I couldn't bare for him to be more than 2 feet away from me. We were at a Burger King on a busy Florida road. It was not a place for people to be out walking their dogs. Out of nowhere, this elderly couple walked up to us with their dog or dogs - I can't remember if they had one or two dogs. The kids started petting the dogs. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I was doing all I could to control the sobbing that had started the night before. This couple didn't speak either. They just stood there quietly. It was sorta of odd, but peaceful. The next thing, I know, they hand me a card sharing with me the Way to Get to Heaven. It was a simple little business type card. It just told the truth. You see, I was raised to believe in Jesus and who He was. I believed in him, but I always had doubts. Not atheist type doubts, just doubts. I didn't have a real religious identity. I believed, but I wasn't sure what I believed. This may or may not make any sense, but it is the best way I can describe it. I stood there looking at the card. The tears were beginning to fall. Debi knew me so well. She knew I was a person who needed concrete evidence. I liked facts - all neat and orderly. I was so worried about her. I knew she was in heaven, but what about before she got there. The fear was more intense than I can put in words. Tim kept telling me that God was there with her and He protected her. I held that card in my hands and knew that she had sent me these angels to give me comfort. They were angels that told me she was okay and there was one way to get to heaven. I believe in angels. They are all around us. I believe Debi is an angel and she is still helping people like she always did. It has been 5 years and it still hurts and I still miss her.

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