Thursday, November 20, 2014

Why we won't let him quit...

I haven't blogged in over a year. I don't know if this is ME blogging again or not. Facebook destroyed my blogging days because I now blog in popcorn posts. Some part of me wants a blog, a place where my memories are stored more than popcorn posts. This is what is on my heart today.

Sebastian is 10 and has been in karate for a little over a year. We believe he has done very well in this environment. If you know my kid, well, you know that he can let his emotions carry him away. We greatly struggled for 3 years after Timmy's death. There were lots of tears and anger and emotion. We plugged along each day and came out a little tattered, but no longer quite so crumpled.  For about the first year of karate, we went to 3 classes a week.  I had to drop that back to 2 as our rentals demanded more time and other activities filled our calendar.  Recently, Sebastian got his blue belt and immediately after we left for a week at Disney.  The first class back was fine.  The second was not. Last night, I took him to class and he was not a happy camper.  He was defiant and adamant that I stop forcing him to go to karate.  I am not gonna lie, I was done with him by last night.  It had been a hectic few days since returning from Disney and I really just wanted to squash him like a bug.  I was not happy that he was telling me I was forcing him to do this.  Here we are paying out money and spending precious time to get him there and he is being a spoiled brat.  Yeah, I know there are the gentle parents out there saying I am a monster that forces my kid into stuff.  I am fine with your interpretation of this.  Really, I believe everyone has a right to their own opinion.  And it is your opinions that make me question myself over and over.  Ask my mom, she will say that when she made decisions when I was a kid, she just did it. She didn't think about other people's opinions or thoughts.  Sometimes I wish I could be that way.  Not only having to think about the way I, personally, perceive things, but also think about the opposite opinion to decide which is the best way for me.  My loving husband came home and I told him about our class.  I told him that I was too tired and done to make this decision at the moment.  He quietly went to talk to Sebastian and came out saying, "He is going back to karate."  I was relieved, but I knew there would have to be more talk.  This is what I have come up with and I believe my husband agrees with me.  Sebastian doesn't want to quit karate to pursue another interest.  He has no burning desire to play basketball or soccer.  He is not chomping at the bit to get out his 4H bunny packet and work away on getting it done.  He doesn't want to read books about a new endeavor and formulate a plan.  I can tell you what he does want to do... He wants to play computer games and watch neflix.  He doesn't want to have to change out of his clothes into a karate outfit, drive 20 minutes and then do conditioning (he really doesn't like conditioning).  If he could just do all the kicks and punches and fun stuff in the comfort of his own home without the 3 steps above, he would probably be cool with that.  But that is not how life works! You have to take the right steps to accomplish something.  I was thinking about some grown people I know that walk away from their adult obligations.  They just decide they don't want to do what is required of them. They want to skip the work and in some cases still enjoy the good stuff.  I just posted on my fb this week a rant about parents raising their children to be responsible adults. And that helped me decide that Sebastian will continue with karate.  And not in the, "Wow, I am going to force him to do something he hates" scenario.  He doesn't hate karate.  He actually quite enjoys the class after the change of clothes, drive to class and conditioning part.  I am going to continue to take him because he needs to understand that it is important to work towards a goal and finish a task.  He needs to learn that commitment to something or someone is important.  Oh and it is our job to facilitate this.  Now, if the time comes that he can tell me a valid reason why he wants to quit, something like I want to pursue the robotics club and spend those hours working on my projects... I will be open to the discussion.  For now, I am going to be the grown up and just like so many things... guide him in a direction that I hope makes him a fantastic adult one day.