Friday, April 03, 2009

I skipped the whole month of March...

Tim II in Iraq

I started my blog 3 years ago - today. I blogged faithfully for most of those years. Then all of a sudden I just didn't want to blog. I think it was a mix of things. Many things. Some will sound whiny and I apologize in advance. The last couple of months have been really hard for me. I think the top and foremost thing was having Timmy leave. I know he left to Oklahoma and I actually did super well. When he left for Alaska, I pretty much did a nosedive with my feelings. I was in a total and absolute funk. He left on a Friday and by Monday morning he called to tell me he was going to Iraq on his dad's birthday. My nosedive just went below sea level at that point. I wanted to stay in my sweats and hide in my bedroom. I am not a depressed type of person by nature. Most of the time I can just brush it off. This time I just couldn't. One weekend afternoon, Tim asked me to come sit with him outside. He point blank asked me if I was depressed. I thought for a moment and said, "Yes, I think I am!" I went on to tell him that I just didn't know how to deal with my child leaving. He did what he always does and he just listened. I built up so much fear over Timmy leaving for Iraq. I wasn't sleeping and I was just so worried. There were a lot of other things going on - Florida house stuff (Will it ever end?), Tim job stuff, feeling isolated from friends stuff and a to do list a mile long. Slowly things started to seem better - not that anything really changed all that much. Timmy left for Iraq and he seems okay. I get to talk to him on the phone or IM everyday. So far, he is staying put working for the battalion commander. Doesn't thrill him, but makes me very happy. The FL house stuff is the same or probably worse, but I just can't do much about it. I am fixing loan interest rates that will hopefully give us a little more breathing room. (I hope!) Friends - well I didn't see a fix for this coming not in the least bit. I am lucky to have my sister-in-law, Karen here and we have a lot of things in common. The rest of the family is pretty hit or miss as far as really connecting and I guess just "chatting" as Debi and I used to call it. I was pretty down because I thought that if I lived here, we would all become very close and after a year - I have realized that is not happening. It really made me miss Debi because things would be so very different if I had gotten to live next door to her while she was here. Many times here, I feel like I am somehow out of the loop or just not welcome to things. That is hard when you live right next to so many people. I don't think it is earth shattering - I just think I was hoping I would be close with all of the women I live by. I decided I just needed to be thankful that Karen is always there with a smile and willing to talk to me. I had been praying for a solution and then I found a homeschool park day. Wow! I have met the most interesting and chatty bunch of ladies. I absolutely LOVE it! And the kids love it! A couple of weeks we met with them twice a week and a then this past week we met with them at an amazing park day. We stayed for 5 hours and just had the best time. I felt like I climbed so far out of my hole just from connecting with people that wanted to share their lives with others. I am so thankful for an answered prayer. So, I think I may be ready to start blogging again. I really want to have some kind of record for my kids. I want to post pictures for Timmy to see and I want to feel my creative side of writing again. I just needed a whole month to be down for once. I hope I don't need that again anytime soon. I hope you will stick with me through this! Thanks! (Oh and Happy Birthday Leann!)

1 comment:

christinasbears said...

I am glad you came to the park that day, too!! We are all crazy and it is funny how the crazy ones...well, we like to be crazy together... :)