For Debi...

Today is a tough day... it has been 3 years since Debi passed away. I spent last night sleeping with the manatees at the zoo with Savannah's brownie troop, but early around 1am - I was laying there thinking that today was the day it had been 3 years. Some of you who read know me and know who Debi was, others don't. Put in few words - she was my best friend and my sister-in-law. The thing is there aren't just a few words to describe our friendship. I met Debi when I was 16 and she was 18. She had recently married Tim's brother and moved to Illinois where we lived. We were both expecting our first babies. At first we had sort of an awkward friendship. I remember decorating Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas tree with her that first year. They hadn't put up a big tree for many years, but Debi and I volunteered to put it up. We did it rather quietly and probably a little tense for not really knowing each other well. Over the next 6 months, we both gave birth to our first sons and a friendship was born. Soon she moved away, but we kept in touch with real letters and real pictures. We did Bible studies together through the mail. Occasionally, we would get to make the expensive long distance phone call - like when they bought their first condo and she called just bubbling with excitement. Debi went on to have more babies, but I still just had Timmy. I was working in outside employment and she was working on being the best homeschool mom. We had pretty different lives, but we still wrote letters and kept our families in touch. Then something wonderful happened... America Online. All of a sudden, we could send our letters instantly. We could im with each other and our lives changed. She would send me an email each night and each morning I would reply. We talked about everything. Soon, I was wanting to have that next baby. Before I knew it we were both expecting baby girls. Next I was homeschooling. All of a sudden our lives were very similar and we talked all the time. Email, im, and cell phones. She was my life line. She was who I turned to whenever I needed to talk, she was my dearest friend. Some people would not understand how we could be so close and live states away. We would im at lunch time or late into the night. We would call each other when we were out running errands. We talked everyday. All those talks made our friendship. Then it happened... Three years ago tonight was the worst night of my life. I have had a miscarriage and lost my dad, but hearing the words on that night stand out as the worst thing I have ever gone through. It was just a typical day like any other day. I had taken the kids to the dentist and then ran to the new Super Target. I came home and wanted to tell Debi about the Super Target, but I made myself clean my tub and shower before I sat down to type an email. While I was cleaning my shower, I heard one of my pretty wall hanging plates fall off the wall and on the floor. I came out to see what had happened. As I stood in the doorway, I felt the most horrible angry feeling inside of me. I yelled at Timmy for breaking my plate. I yelled so loud and so mean and it was just not me. He told me it just flew off the wall. He started crying because I was so angry and it scared him. I went in my bedroom and sat down on the floor and cried as if I had lost my best friend. I sobbed. Timmy called my mom because he was so upset and wanted to see if she knew how to replace the plate. He didn't understand and thought if he could find me a new plate, I would be fine. I talked to my mom and I cried. She kept asking me why I was so upset and I told her I just didn't know why, but I felt so, so sad. I finally got myself together and finished up this housewarming gift for my neighbor. Debi had given me the idea. I took it across the street to her and talked for awhile. I remember feeling odd the whole time. Then I saw Tim pull into the driveway. I went over to see him. The first thing I told him was that it had been a bad day and I started crying again. I tried to shrug it off and we got on with the rest of the evening. It wasn't till later that the phone call came and I knew. Later I would find out that at the same time my plate came off the wall and I sat and cried - Debi had been killed by her adopted teenage son. All of a sudden I knew why I felt so sad and so lost. Now it has been three years and I still miss her everyday. I had read that it can take seven years to fully get back to daily life like before. I remember being terrified I would feel this bad for seven entire years. The truth is that each year is a little easier, but I don't think the pain ever goes away. Some days may be better than others, but just as soon as you think you are better - you have a day where you miss her so much all you can do is cry. My best way to think of it is this... when Debi was here on Earth she did so many good things for so many people - just think what she will be capable of doing as an angel. I also remember that I was so lucky and so blessed. I was given 15 years of a friendship some people never, ever get to experience. I was given the gift of knowing her and loving her. I learned so many things from her and I am absolutely certain I would not be the mom I am today had it not been for all the things she shared with me. For today is hard to know that it is the day she died, but I will try to stay focused on all the other days we had together. One last thing, say a prayer for her family. We all can use prayers. I am absolutely certain the strength all those prayers have gotten us through.

My old friend, I recall

The times we had hanging on my wall

I wouldn't trade them for gold

Cause they laugh and they cry me

Somehow sanctify me

They're woven in the stories I have told

And tell again

My old friend, this song's for you

Cause a few simple verses

Was the least that I could do

To tell the world that you were here

Cause the love and the laughter

Will live on long after

All of the sadness and the tears

We'll meet again, my old friend

Goodbye, goodbye

~Tim McGraw