Thursday, March 22, 2007

Something good out of something sad...

As I said in my last post, I have been lacking in writing. I told you about all the physical things that have been keeping me busy. That is all very true, but there has been the emotional things that have been keeping me busy too. Sunday afternoon we hit a wall so to say. I won't give all the yucky details here since this is supposed to be my "happy" place. I will say it included me, Tim, and Timmy and lots of yelling. This has been something that has been brewing for a few months. Timmy really doesn't want to move. I know this and his dad knows this. He is 18 and he sees his friends as his entire life. I moved to Florida when I was 18 and remember how very painful it was to leave my friends. I really do feel for my child. I understand his pain. Of course, Sunday's fight didn't start with "I don't want to move". It started with a typical household chore and moved onto the battle. In the end, Tim and Timmy stormed off and I was left. I decided to take my emotional energy and stucco windows. Timmy stayed with his friend that night. All night, I was missing him. Now he stays at friends at least 4 nights a week, but this night was different. He was gone because he was angry. He has some friends getting an apartment on April 1st and they have offered to let him join them. This terrifies me! So many thoughts go through my head. I called my mom as I often do on Monday morning. Before I knew it, my tears were flowing. How could I let my baby move into an apartment and then LEAVE him and move 8 1/2 hours away? How can I let him go? Will Sebastian ever know just how wonderful his brother is? Will he have enough money? Will he go to school full time? Will he just work at Chick-fil-A forever? How do I let my baby stay in another state? I had him when I was 16 and let's face it - he has been with me more than half of my life. If you take out the years you don't even remember because you are a baby - he has been with me for so long. I began to sob. Then this is what happened... Savannah came rushing in and put her arms around me. She hugged me tight and kept telling me that, "God has a plan for all of us, mom. He loves you and me and Timmy and all of us. He will take care of us. He has a plan for us." Just like that she said what I needed to hear. I heard her say it to me. I was proud of her to tell me this. It wasn't until this morning that her words came back to me again. I realize how happy I am that she knows this and believes this and lives it. Some good came out of some really sad stuff. As far as Timmy staying or going... I don't know what will happen. I picked him up at work on Monday and I talked with him. I told him some facts the way they were, not as my child, but as an adult that I needed help from. He told me he didn't know what to do. I even came to the conclusion that I could keep breathing if he stayed here and went to school. There is a school option here that we don't have up there or at least the cost is much better here. I just don't know what will happen. I guess many parents go through this when their first turns 18. I just really wasn't prepared for it. I still can't get my mind around keeping them with you for 18 years. Taking care of them, worrying about them, loving them, and then POOF! They are 18 and no longer in your life everyday. It is a very hard thing to take in. I guess I will just keep remember Savannah's hug and her great wisdom that "God has a plan for us!"


Anonymous said...

Kari - Wow! Being a parent it hard stuff! My oldest will be 16 next month, so I will soon face what you are you are facing.

Isn't God wonderful to speak to us through our children? And isn't it even more wonderful when our children are obedient to his prompting?

Yes, God has a plan for your family.

p.s. Can't wait to met you tomorrow at the WP Retreat!!!
Bev in NC

Jennifer said...

I came here today to see what has happened with your house situation. As for that, don't be tempted to go above what you and your husband feel comfortable with. It's so tempting, but if God wants you to have this house, the doors will be opened for you. I don't beleive that God would want to put y'all in financial distress. If this isn't the right house or timing, the right one will eventually come and you will be able to look back with thanksgiving. Sometimes it's hard when God says no when we think it's so perfect. I've been there!

About your son....oh, my heart just aches for you! My oldest is 12, but I already dread the day..... I know this is part of the journey for parents, but I know it won't be fun letting go. I'll say a prayer for you and your son and the decisions that have to be made! I'll also pray for your house situation and move.