Saturday, April 14, 2007

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Today is my 35th birthday. I thought I could write some really wonderful thing about it, but I haven't really thought of much all throughout the day. I went out to dinner last night with Tim. Then we went to Kohl's. I have been wanting to go there without kids for some time. I didn't find anything I wanted and was not really impressed. I have no idea why when my children were running around Kohl's like wild banshees, I thought there were all sorts of things I wanted to look at. Did they just disappear because I was able to actually look? Very odd. We came home and I shopped online for possible pictures for a wall that needs some decor in our living room. It has the huge aquarium on it now, but that will be gone tomorrow. It will leave behind a big and empty space. So, I need some perfect decor that makes somebody buy my house quick! Anyway, back to my birthday. We didn't do anything special today. My mom is having dinner for me at her house tomorrow evening. That will be the family celebration. Tim finished painting the outside of the house today. He was nearly done, but needed to get a longer ladder to finish the peaks. I was really happy to have that done on my birthday. That was a huge hurdle we had to get over to list our house for sale. Tomorrow, he will take the huge aquarium down and we will finish the living room paint and baseboards. Another biggie in listing the house. Ummm... That's right... I was talking about my birthday. I guess the way I keep ending up on something about this current house or buying another house describes how I feel about my birthday. I am glad I have a birthday obviously, but I am so scattered with other things right now. I was not/am not really thinking about a birthday in the midst of everything else. I was sitting on the porch with the kids today. I got Sebastian all suited up to go swimming with Sissy. That lasted all of ten seconds. He is not really into the swimming thing. I was thinking back to my 25th birthday ten years ago. We only had Timmy back then. I desperately wanted another baby. I woke up on my 25th birthday to a dreary, rainy day. My sister, Michelle, was visiting from Illinois and we were supposed to do something very fun that day. It was raining too hard to do any of the traditional Florida tourist things. I had taken the day off of work. I was so bummed to see the rain. I rolled over in bed and wanted to have a pity party all for myself. I was sad. I was sad because it was raining. I was sad because I had "wasted" a day off of work. I was sad because my sister had flown in from Illinois to celebrate my 25th birthday with me and it was a yucky birthday. Most of all I was sad because I did not have a new baby, nor was I pregnant with a new baby. This weighed so heavy on me that I felt that it may just swallow me up. After all... I was getting so old at 25! Imagine being 25 and still not had your second baby! Yes, I know now that my thinking was ridiculous, but at the time - it consumed me. I just laid there in bed and thought that I may never ever have another baby and I would never ever be happy again. I did finally pull myself out of bed and we ended up at the mall. A wonderful day of shopping in the mall without kids - Timmy still went to public school back then. I found the cutest little black outfit. I think it was a size 3 and it fit perfect. I treated myself to it. I survived that birthday just fine. As I was sitting on the porch watching my silly boy in his lime green swim trunks, yellow swim tube and pink swimmies (they were Savannah's), I realized how crazy I was to think my world was ending back when I was 25. Here I was 10 years later and I not only had one more baby, but I had two more babies since then. I haven't been to a mall shopping without kids in like 8 years. I haven't fit into a size 3 little black outfit in like 9 years. I realized that I worried about too much back then and I still worry about too much now. Somehow life has a funny way of working out. I took my "boring" day of watching my kids swim, helping Tim paint our house, and cooking myself a cheese steak for dinner and soaked it all in. I guess that is all I can ask for on my birthday.

No comments: