Monday, May 22, 2006

Have you ever missed somebody so much that it takes your breathe away?

I have... I really couldn't sleep last night and kept telling myself that I couldn't get out of that bed to go type on my blog. So, I just laid there with all these things running through my head. You see... I miss Debi at some point everyday, but over time I have come to realize that there are certain times that I seem to miss her even more. Those are the times when I feel like I can hardly breathe. The month of May just happens to be one of those "times". Why May??? Well, because May means so many different things to me. They were things that Debi completely understood and we would talk about over and over and would it be too much to say over one more time?
  1. May is the end of the school year. You are tired and you just want every last stinking workbook page to be filled in and you want to put it away and never look at it again.
  2. May is when you open the new catalogs and look for new school ideas. I just got new curriculum in the mail and would love so much to talk to Debi about it. May is when the convention is coming and you plan a mom's weekend away. Is there anything better than a weekend with your friend that includes shopping for new books?
  3. May is when you start thinking that your June anniversary is just around the corner. Mine is June 9th and Debi's was June 15th. You talk about what sweet little ideas you can come up with to share with your husband.
  4. May is when you finalize summer vacation plans. You share emails and websites with endless possibilities for travel.
  5. May has Mother's Day and Debi was one of a very short list of mothers that you actually aspire to be like.

Those are just a few of the reasons that May is a time where I find myself lost a little more than usual. I am not sad, exactly, just missing her terribly. I said something to my mom last week that made the both of us laugh. We were talking about planning our trip to Williamsburg. She asked me something and my first thought was that Debi would have known the answer to that question. Before I even had time to catch my thought - I blurted out, "I just would like to have one phone call a month up to heaven to ask Debi all the questions I need answers to!" My mom just laughed at me! Okay, I realize that is not sane, but is certainly would be nice! You know what though... I found myself talking to a friend about how Debi had something to do with "Fruit and Spirit" on her kitchen wall. I could see the words, but I didn't actually have the whole verse in my head. I have never been very good at memorizing Bible verses. It is just not one of my better skills. Anyway, my new box of curriculum comes in the mail. One of the books is for Bible study. I open it up and the page it turns to is Fruit of the Spirit. There it was! Like it was just bumping me on the head!

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Galatians 5:22, 23

I guess God is listening even when I don't think He is and I think Debi is with me even when I don't feel like she is. I guess there is probably always going to be this feeling every May and then there are the other times throughout the year. It is just as plain and as simple as I miss my friend...


Karen said...

Me too.

Leann said...

I never met Debi but I felt like I knew her through you Kari. I know she was a very special person and one day I will meet her. I have been thinking about Dad a lot lately as I listen to the song butterfly kisses. I wish he could be at my wedding. Like you with Debi, I find myself thinking about Dad more at certain times than others. This is one of those times. I miss him, and was thinking very similiar thoughts about how it would be nice to give Dad a call and say hey Dad can you look down here tues. and watch me get married.